Advice required please desperately for Monday morning..

[Mothernature]

Got home on Friday evenig to be informed by ds1 that he has been 'red lined', this is similar to an exclusion, he came with a letter from the teacher involved who has informed us we are to attend @ 8.15am Monday. The letter states has has been invloved in a 'serious incident' what on earth is it?...

Well the story goes as follows: Ds has been doing his mocks all week and has a time table to follow, which he has been doing, anyway one of the exams were changed and therefore regular school timetable was then inforced, problem being last lesson was P.E, ds had no kit, he was informed by teacher to wear spare kit, ds refused to do so, and knowing the state of the P.E kits in the spare box I would have refused to do so under hygiene conditions, and this is the 'serious incident' that has occured.

We feel this has been blown out of proportion, ds informed the teacher he would prefer a detention or lines, ds has not been in trouble before at school, he works hard at school has a partime job, most of his friends are a year above him at school, these include headgirl and prefects, myself and dh are fuming, dh starts work at 6am, he has the car but is almost an hour away from school, I have considered going myself but want to have support from dh, if he does not go to work by 8am he is not allowed to enter, 'work rules' we have also considered sending a letter into school informing the teacher that this time is not suitable and we will attend in afternoon when dh has finished work to resolve the matter, I need your imput and support as to what to do, anyone out there that can help?

Message withdrawn

aah - voice of reason, bloss and so well put. Exactly what I had wanted to say but ranted and rambled instead. Up too late and awake too early

bathmummy I think you were very eloquent and it is exactly what I was trying to say

I feel really sad that there are parents who believe that the school / teacher are out to 'pick on' their otherwise 'perfect' child (I am not talking about you mothernature, really I'm not, I think you have a genuine issue here). It is the whole victim mentality

parents should work together with schools, not against them and when their children get in trouble should get to the bottom of both sides before making a judgement on what went on

I already know that my 4 year old is totally different in school to the way he is with me outside it, I don't expect that to change

Bathmummy, Bloss adn Mud. Thank you for giving some views giving the other side of the 'fence'!

Yes, there are still facts to be determined and Mothernature will have to deal with these whenever she does visit the school. I think from ehr posts it is highly unlikely that she is going in all guns blazing; she sounds very reasonable to me!

However, IMO, the school have really not helped themselves by issuing this autocratic summons to the school at a time which is highly inconvient to Mothernature and her DH.

If we assume for now that the incident is so serious that exclusion on Monday was a real prospect as of Friday afternoon, then in my view the school had an obligation to do all that it could to contact the parents and discuss this with them at the time, and arrange a meeting at a time that was convinient for all the adults in question.

The teachers are not the only adults in this equation and, in my view, are treating the parents as if they were school pupils whose attendance is to be demanded at will. This is not the case. You really can only promote genuine school/home partnerships when both parties are prepared to work on an equal basis.

Had Mothernature demanded an appointment with a specific member of staff at 8.15 on a Monday morning to discuss an aspect of her childs schooling, which she thought was serious, then I can imagine that the school would not be fully co-operative. I'm sure they would demand that the meeting be at a convenient time.

Whatever the facts of the incident the school have behaved in an extremely discourteous way to Mr and Mrs Mothernature!

If the school is in the wrong, they have to be given an opportunity to save face, so there's no point in going in with full guns blazing. I'm sure that they would be extremely apologetic once all the facts are on the table.

There's only harm to be done to DS by becoming enemies with the school. Presumably, he still relies on Teacher Assessment results, and may also call upon the school to provide references in the future.

Hi,

Wasnt sure if your son would be at the meeting, but I tried to imagine myself in your sons position (was only a 4 years ago that I was that age!) and think that I would feel rather intimidated at the prospect of having to explain the situation in front of the head, and probably the teacher who gave the detention.

Just a thought - maybe if you got him to write down exactly what happened and what was said, as best he can remember it. If there was any "little white lies" in his story to you, they may not appear in the letter, if he knows the teacher will read it. (May have been blown slightly out of proportion due to his annoyance at the situation, and his embarrassment at telling his mummy that he had a detention)

Having a note from him would (hopefully) ensure that the head got his full side of the story, rather than chancing him interrupting your son and quoting school policies.

In fact, probably would be a good idea to have him write it even if he wont be there. You should probably read it a few times before meeting them too, so you are sure you know exactly what they will be reading.

What you think?

Bathmummy - I find your approach aggressive towards my view. I deal with the schools my kids go to in a professional manner. If one of my kids was sent home with the same story that mothernature has I would deal with on an equal basis. You write: "your approach is so OTT without bothering to llisten to the adult and the professionals. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation where you need to speak to a school, I really really hope you don?t follow your own advice for the sake of everyone." Don't you think the school acted in an ott manner??? - excluding a child, expecting parents to be at the school at 8.15 on monday??? My response reflects the nature of the schools actions against a boy who works hard at school and is of good character.
Yes there are two sides to a story but why should a parent &/or school always assume the child is out of order. I would support my child in this and if they were in the wrong expect them to give an apology - likewise if the school is in the wrong I would expect a full & noted apology from them. We all have different opinions here and I give respect to others & I expect this in return.

moternature, I hope whatever you decide to do this morning, you and the teachers can find a way to allow your son into school to finish his GCSE mocks.

I agree that there are always two sides to a story milward - wasn?t that my very point? to listen to both first without rushing in guns blazing (unlike your suggesiont) ?
There are two issues here - the first being the request to come in at 8.15am Monday morning to discuss the matter and the second regarding the actua facts of the incident and resulting action. It is important that one doesn?t affect the handling of the other. I would deal with the second at the meeting and afterwards discuss the school?s system and approach for organizing meetings with parents. Personally though, I would want an appointment made for me at the earliest opportunity to save my child being excluded from any lessons and the issue resolved quickly without waiting to organise meetings. If a letter is sent home on the Friday, you would have to wait until about 8.45am Mon to organise a meeting at which point the teacher is busy and probably teaching all day so meeting likely to be after the school day or following morning - result being that the child may be excluded until this time. At least the early Mon meeting avoids this wait - and there is nothing stopping the parent rearranging if inconvenient.
Not sure if the school has been discourteous, soapbox - we don?t know how the letter was phrased, organising a meeting is standard practise for reasons I have already given. Not including any facts of the incident in the letter is also standard practise as school?s recognise the need for gathering all the facts first - hence point of the meeting. At the end of the day, if my child had been involved in refusing to take part in a lesson, I would want to know about it and I would want my child?s school to deal with it by including the parents as standard practise and as promptly as this one. Sounds like they are on the ball and keen on inclusion.
However mothernature deals with this I wish her a quick resolution with plenty of understanding for both parties. Will be thinking of you and hope that they are prepared to listen and be supportive too. (Never for a minute thought you would go in guns blazing from your original post, just didn?t want others to sway you over to thinking like it is a "them and us" battle. )

An update for all those who have been kind enough to read and reply to my situation, after much discussion through the weekend with our son, trying to balance what would be the best course of action, we decided not to attend this morning , I called the school and left a message for the teacher concerned, 'Due to work commitments we were unable to attend the meeting at the time suggested by the teacher and would be in contact after 3:15pm', ds took a letter stating the same. (WE FELT THAT NOT HAVING 24 HOURS WORKING NOTICE WAS A BIT MUCH..)

I requested he took his phone so he could contact me, informing us of the outcome, ds sent a txt to say he was spending the day in isolation, (he has no exams today thankfully), and were aware they might do this, stupidly we thought we were taking control of the situation by re timming the interview.

I know there are always two sides to the arguement, we are prepared to listen to the teacher before making any rash opinions about the situation, It may not have been that he just refuse to wear it, but the way he refused...it may not.... we will be treading very carefully as we have two other children to consider we feel that they should not be involved, they are aware of the situation of course but dont want to involve them at school level.

Dh has been informed about ds being in isolation and will be attending school asap on his way home from work. After much thought we feel this is 'petty' and nothing to be 'too worried' about, therefore dh went to work as normal, he is the main wage provider and can do without any hassel in that direction, I trust him to sort things out to a satisfactory outcome.

I will let you know what happens, as soon as I know, once again thankyou all for responding..xx

ty for the update Mothernature. hope it all gets sorted out soon.

Good luck with getting this all sorted out, MN. xx

Hi I'm back, dh went to school after work and spoke with the teacher concerned, who agreed this may have been an isolated incident, which when he puts into perspective the full situation thinks things were taken too far, he has agreed that his red line should be removed from his record...yes...a result....so pleased so very pleased, thanks for your support, love mothernature xxx

Hurray!

p.s they are going to review the situation regarding washing the pe kit on a regular basis...

excellent news mothernature

I am sure you can now breathe again

Fab!

I'm glad things got sorted out satisfactorily for you all

So glad to hear that things got sorted out.

Message withdrawn

only just found this- glad its been resolved mn

whoohoo!! so pleased you got the result we wanted MN.
and good on you/dh for getting cleaner kits sorted.

So glad the situation has been resolved mothernature. I am amazed that the children are supposed to wear unwashed communal clothes if they forget their own kit! Good luck to ds with his GCSE's

OMG. Only read this thread now. I am pleased things seemed to work out for you, but what totaly nutters at your son's school. Madness!