moving

[yoko]

sorry to rehash this subject but could do with some input.we have lived in same area since having ds,now 4,we have good network of friendsetc,however due to steep escalation in gun crime in our area we thnk its time to go,due to property prices etc we realise we are going to have to move at least 100 miles away to a brand new area.i moved as a child and constantly during my 20s,we are both friendly types,as is my v sociable little boy,so,why do i feel so scared?i know compared to lots of problems this is not that major ,but im frightened of my son being lonely and me too.so,how have all of you who have done this got on?tia.

I've never moved with a child, but we did move to Spain 2 years ago and I understand how you feel. Even if you are outgoing etc it can take at least a year to really settle in in a new place, but it sounds like you are doing the right thing. It will also be much easier for your ds if you move now, rather than in a years time (when he may be settled in at school).

It may help if you can move to an area where you know at least one person (family, a good friend etc) but remember that nowadays 100 miles isn't really that much - some people commute that distance. Good luck anyway.

I think it's natural to feel scared when there's uncertainty. I haven't moved with my kids yet (only a few miles down the road with ds when he was 18months - doesn't really count), but I hope to in the near future. I can understand your concerns, if you moved about a lot, but I don't think one move will cause your ds too many problems so long as it's handled carefully and sensitively. I also think if you're planning to send him to school then better to move now before he starts. You'll be fine. You'll be able to make new friends in your new area and so will he.

I moved in September with 4 children, two of them at school. They all have settled in really well, and in fact have more friends now than they did where we used to live. Dd1 started year 6 in september and dd2 started year 1. Ds1 has gone on to start nursery 3 mornings a week , and they have finally managed to stop his separation anxiety that other nurseries failed to do. He has also made friends, and is apparently very popular with the girls! Ds2 stays at home with me. I don't really know anyone here ( dh does school runs in the car because of the distance and I don't drive), but I find the older I get the more anti social I become anyway! I'm sure I would know people by now though if I was up and down to the school every day, they all seem fairly pleasant when I do get there.

Kids seem to find it easier to make friends. Dd2 is a bit shyer than dd1 so took a bit longer, but she has a little group of buddies now, and dd1 has a veritable gang she can choose to hang out with ( in the nicest sense of the word I mean), boys and girls which I think is good. She will start year 7 high school with them, so we moved at a good time for her, giving her enough time to get to know some friends before having the trauma of high school thrust on her!

Yoko - I moved to a new area when I was pregnant, it was 250 miles away from our previous home & we knew no one - DH works long hours, often away from home so I just had to make a real effort & get out & about meeting new people. I didn't find it too hard, perhaps I was lucky in that we moved to a small village where everyone was very friendly & there was lots going on. I found if you join in anything going you will soon meet lots of people & then friendships will develop. Good luck.

Hi yoko, I moved 250 miles when ds was 2. It was daunting, even though I had one friend in the new town. It's completely understandable that you're scared! I agree, go to everything, be friendly, invite people for coffee or to the park and you will meet some new friends. I made the mistake of volunteering for too many things at once though, so desperate was I to meet people. So for a while (until I realised there weren't the hours in the day!) I was helping at a playgroup, secretary of an arts place, editor of a newsletter and full time SAHM. So go for it but don't agree to too much at once! There might be mumsnetters in your new area too so you could always put out a call for a meet up. Good luck.

wickedwaterwitch - are you me? I also volunteered for everything & do our village newsletter, run the toddlers, secretary to another organisation, church duties, and full time SAHM - it's hard to find time to get on Mumsnet!!!!!!!!

PS: I received a letter today asking me to consider being a school governor, DS is not yet 2, have I go 'mug' written on my forehead!!

We moved just under a year ago from London to Devon (WWW think you're near me) and it's been great. Best thing we ever did. In thelast 10 years I've lived in Oxford, Japan, York, London and now Devon so I'm used to moving. We're staying here for ever though! The hardest place to live was York- don't know why- everywhere else was easy- and I think it is easier with children- they're an excuse to get out and make friends.

Hi I'm new today on Mumsnet & glad I'm not the only mum moving her children. We moved from Derbyshire to Lancashire last year & although DDS ( 11 & 14) have coped well its been a disaster in many ways & we now both have over an hour commute to work & family life is strained due to less time spent at home.We are debating another move to be closer to work & to be nearer to DDs during work/school hours but fear another disruption to education if we move them to new schools. Also the area we are living in is not ideal due to various ASB so better area may be wise in any case.DH answer is to leave Lancashire & go home but I love my job & kids don't want to go back...agggh!!