Mothers

[Chinchilla]

I am very sad to say that today it became clear to me that my mother loves cats more than humans. I have always suspected it, but now I am sure. Today she spoke in a softer voice to my sister's cat, who she was looking after, than my ds. She is always telling ds (19 months, so not receptive to anything other than her tone of voice) not to do things. The other day, she told him not to point at a man in a coffee shop that we were in! I mean, like he's old enough to understand good manners! If that were the case, I would tell him to eat with his mouth closed!

She got really worried that ds was going to hurt my sis's cat, and jumped in before he had even touched the bl**dy thing. Does anyone else have a mother who is totally unaffectionate? She does kiss ds occasionally, but not often, and she is not cuddley. My dad, OTOH, is so living to ds that it makes her look even worse!

Of course I meant that my dad is 'loving', not 'living'!

Snap, chinchilla. Except that it's dogs. Weird, isn't it?

As a vet I am constantly amazed by the number of grandparents who dont visit their grandchildren even at xmas because they dont want to leave their animals. Some even openly say "i love my pet more than the grandchildren"- now i'm supposed to be an animal lover but theres a limit really- i find it really hard to bite my tongue. Worse still parents with a nasty dog and you warn them that theres going to be a disaster but they wont listen and put the dogs interests above their childrens- then have the dog put to sleep AFTER the childs been bitten- sorry personal rant here!

Yep me to, as a child and even now I never get kisses, cuddles, encoragement, tips on how to spell!!!, but is totally opposite to DS. Maybe she learned her lesson.

Do any of you think that has affected the way you have grown up. Did struggle myself with a few boyfriends when they said "I love, you" and didn't enjoy the constant touching, felt weird.

I really am getting a pickle with my posts today, by touching, I meant, cuddles, kisses, holding hands, walking with their arm round you etc etc.

Must admit I have totally grown out of it and if anything go over the top with DS giving him lots of kisses, cuddles and telling him I love him. Might as well get them in when I can because soon it will be the "mum stop it".

My dm is affectionate with my children, she kisses and cuddles them, but she definitely isn't as good as talking affectionately as my mil.

I used to find it really difficult to tell my children I loved them because it wasn't something I was used to saying out loud, now of course I say it all the time.

I would say that my dh prefers animals to people, apart from me and the kids, he is definitely not a people person although he has improved as he has got older.

I asked my mum to come for Xmas (not a task to be undertaken lightly) and she didn't want to come because of the bl%dy cat. What's worse, I fell for her bait, hook line and sinker and spent ages thinking up solutions as to what she could do with the antisocial creature. Why didn't I just say "Fine, we'll see you next summer, then"??? Animals seem to become substitute children for some people, I think, I reckon that's what it is for my mum. She wasn't a touchy-feely mother but tbh, I don't think that generation was brought to it, so I don't think it's entirely their fault.

Being charitable towards your mum, Chinchilla, could she have been trying to prevent your son from being scratched?

No, she was definitely worried about the cat Before that incident, she had spent ages telling him to be careful etc. She's just a bad mother and slightly better grandmother. That's a long story, but suffice it to say that half my hang ups and depressions have been as a result of my childhood. I think that I look out for hints in her behaviour towards ds as a result of my childhood, which I know is not healthy. Dh used to complain when we were dating that he was always second to the cats, as he was not allowed to move a cat off the sofa to sit there!

It's funny, because, when I moved out, we started to get on. We now see each other a lot, but I consider her a friend more than a mum. She is good to talk to, but she is totally lacking in the mother gene!

Breeze, AngieL My dm also never said she loved me or kissed and cuddled me much as a child; I try very hard to tell my kids regularly as I do think its really important. Dm has said it to me a couple of times recently and I just find it excruciating and embarrassing and dont know how to respond. Even tho I knew and know she does/did (I suppose), I cant cope with hearing it now, or with her putting her arm round me. Its a shame, I know she could use more support from me now including physical and verbal reassurance but how do you change the habits of a lifetime? I am determined not to make that mistake with my kids, although I know I'll make plenty of others...