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Original poster

easier with a toddler or a newborn?

27 replies

katierocket · 21/02/2003 13:08

Hi
my DS is 16 months and I've lost count of the number of times over the last year that mums have said to me "oh you wait it gets much harder as they get older", before he started crawling "oh, wait until he's crawling, it's much more difficult", before he was walking "oh, it's not crawling that's the problem - wait until he's running after you", "gosh wasn't it easier when they were tiny babies.." and so on and so on. Now maybe it's me or maybe it's because DS had horredous colic from 1 week until 3 months old and cried literally every day for at least 3 hours but I just find it gets easier - nothing can be as bad as those first days. (apart from teenagers I know!).
was wondering what other mumsnetters thought?

OP posts:
Original poster
katierocket · 21/02/2003 13:09

oh and I meant to say.. I know that having more than one is a whole new ball game but generally what do you all think?

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Azure · 21/02/2003 13:12

I completely agree. DS is 17 months and I find it so much easier now than when he was a little baby. The first few months were very difficult for me - particularly as he refused to sleep in the daytime (not that nighttime was much better). Now he can run around and busy himself with his toys I think we are both happier.

buttercup · 21/02/2003 13:15

totally agree. every day was an eternity. i found the baby-phase very stressful. Mine was just bored and I had to carry him all the time. Now he is a happy little chap

Original poster
katierocket · 21/02/2003 13:23

you see this is what worries me....DS was such a difficult newborn that it really puts me off having another - but I don't want him to be an only child. now he is settled and happy I can't bear the thought of the newborn stage!
he's willful now and has days of wingeing and throwing tantrums and wanting me to carry him everywhere and refusing to go in his pushchair etc etc but it's still miles less stress than hours and hours of screaming. I guess you have to hope the next one will be easygoing

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Philippat · 21/02/2003 13:26

tbh I think both are difficult but in different ways! dd was a better baby than she is a toddler but I've found periods of both tough. Obviously I was sleep deprived at the baby stage, now I have other responsibilities to juggle too plus dd is much more strong willed! But I do like the reward of communicating with a toddler that you don't get in the same way with a newborn.

elliott · 21/02/2003 13:28

Another vote for preferring now rather than then. Actually I found the bit between 2 and 5 months the hardest - the early weeks I was just so full of amazement that he was here. He was an averagely difficult newborn, I think - we didn'thave horrendous colic or anything. But he was definitely happier once he could sit and play!

Mo2 · 21/02/2003 13:31

Think having a second baby is not as difficult - the 'newborn' phase didn't seem nearly as difficult - partly because the toddler interacts and keeps the baby company. My DS1 (aged 3) now plays 'peekaboo' and sings silly songs to DS2 (aged 6 months) and keeps him amused for 15-20 mins at a time (bliss....). It is just sooooooooooo lovely to see them giggling together... also the time goes much quicker 'cos you don't have those long days alone with just the baby.....

Scatterbrain · 21/02/2003 13:32

I'm with you on the "now is better" thing !

On the 2nd child - although i too dread the thought of having to go through the early bit again - from what I've seen from my friends with 2 - the new baby pretty much gets left to it whilst you focus on the older one ! Maybe it's partly that you're not so stressed as a first time mum ? personally I wonder how I filled my days when dd was just sitting in her bouncy chair - it all seemed so frantic - but I can't imagine what I was doing now ?

Original poster
katierocket · 21/02/2003 13:41

good point Mo2, I think I just suffer post traumatic stress disorder from the colic! But I can imagine that you're not so strung out as with the first no matter what they're like.

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kkgirl · 21/02/2003 13:50

I think the toddler stage is the easier, you've got through all the baby stuff, and hopefully getting more sleep at night.
Once they get to three they change into monsters with these developing personalities and it becomes hell.
In our house with three - two 6 1/2 and one 9 the bickering is horrible, constant bitching and moaning always arguing about something and it drives me mad. Mind you take one away and life becomes bliss. I wouldn't be without any of them though whatever they're like.
I always try to remember that they didn't ask to be born, that puts it all into perspective.

sashaboo · 21/02/2003 14:09

Scatterbrain asks what we did with the spare time when baby #1 was in the bouncy chair - worry that's what!!!

Despite my age and supposed intelligence, I couldn't get my head around all the dilemmas - should I change his nappy before the feed or after? which one worked best last time? is this crying the hunger cry or the tired cry? will the baby stop breathing if I leave the room? is that sneeze the start of meningitis? etc. i once phoned my mum when mine was 2 weeks old, worrying I wasn't providing enough stimulation!

I think the stress we place on ourselves to do the best job is huge - not helped by all the information you get before birth.

Two is going to be more hard work but hopefully the baby stage should be easier!

breeze · 21/02/2003 14:13

IMO I think the now is much harder than newborn. DS Was a very good baby, He would eat and then sleep for long periods, especially at night, whereas now he is 3.25 years old toddler, knows his own mind and wants to do what he wants NOW.
Ignore me really, just had a really bad stressful day with ds, got a cold and they sense when you are vulnerable and strike.

BigBird · 21/02/2003 14:25

I think it is getting easier as time goes on. I've a 14 mth dd and now I have evenings free to relax, drink wine, watch movies. We had kid free evenings from about 6 months on and for me that made things a LOT easier !

breeze · 21/02/2003 14:35

I forgot to add that when ds was 18 months, that I think was the easist time I had.

sykes · 21/02/2003 14:41

Much prefer toddler stage - now have three year old and 15 month old. First baby HORRIBLY colicy, second awake constantly at first then embarked on the Gina Ford regime - but only to a degree - great help re sleeping habits. Would have dismissed GF as antiquated, ridiculous and completely impractical on the first baby - but she slept despite screaming for three hours every evening. On the toddler front it's so nice to have chats with the three-year old - well, within reason - and both dds play together quite nicely SOMETIMES.

CookieMonster · 21/02/2003 14:42

I agree that things are getting easier .... I found dd's first 12 months very very difficult. It seemed like extremely hard work with no reward, but now as she is getting older (2 on Monday) while it is still extremely hard work, I feel as if I'm getting something back.

sykes · 21/02/2003 14:47

Just realised have mentioned a swear word - GF, sorry. Only used it as was going nuts - the sleep thing helped. Why am I apologising? Probably because I wouldn't have touched it with a barge pole if I hadn't been at my wits end. But did find bits - well just re sleeping more helpful than not.

rosehip · 21/02/2003 14:49

I'd go with easier with newborn baby - although I did not think so at the time. For me 18 months to 3 is the worst - I know it gets even worse as they get older everyone takes great joy is saying so, just when I think things are getting a little easier ....

Wills · 21/02/2003 14:56

Now is easier in that I'm more relaxed but I have far less time. When dd arrived it was such as shock but now I'm used to her taking up my time. The worst part for me was definitely walking. She walked at 10 months but had no clue what would hurt/damage etc and no fear whatsoever. I felt like I didn't just need eye's in the back of my head but a complete circle of eyes. How we managed to prevent her from doing serious harm I still don't know. Now that she's a toddler/preschooler whilst she can be the stroppiest/most vocally demanding human being on the face of the earth she's also a delight to talk to, listen, watch and generally interact with.

So in summary.

New born - tiring (and first time round v. frightening)
Baby - Lovely
Toddler - frightening
Preschooler - demandingly gorgeous
Preschooler

Original poster
katierocket · 21/02/2003 14:59

maybe I'll bring this topic up again when DS is 3 and I'll be saying something different!

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aloha · 21/02/2003 15:26

I think it depends on the newborn and the toddler. Some newborns sleep all day between their four hourly feeds (allegedly!). Mine didn't. He was very easy in some ways, and the first few weeks were pure joy for me. But he did get appalling colic, a string of colds that made him wake every hour or less during the night, didn't have a routine and didn't sleep through once until he was 8months, which was horrific for us. Now he's 17months and an angel who still sleeps twice a day, doesn't have tantrums (yes, I know..yet!) and is very gentle and sweet and sunny. I loved him as a baby (though there were a few 'throw him out of the window' moments in the small hours of the morning), and love him possibly more as a toddler.

lou33 · 21/02/2003 17:20

I like it best when you can put them down in one place and they stay there.

bunny2 · 21/02/2003 18:08

KAtierocket, the early days were easier but I love the toddler stage. Ds is a handful but he is also so much fun. (how do I do one of those smiley faces?)

Original poster
katierocket · 21/02/2003 18:10

I agree bunny2 - no matter how much of a pain DS can be now - we have such a laugh aswell. I don't remember doing any laughing before 6 months!!

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elliott · 21/02/2003 18:36

actually I am aware (and this is confirmed by some of your comments) that things are likely to get rather more challenging from here on in (ds now 15 months). Less daytime sleep, more wilful, requiring more imput to play - I'm sure it will be more tiring. But I'm looking forward to some language....

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