I found it very difficult to adapt to being a SAHM. Someone once told me it took them 2 years to settle into their new role, and my experience pretty much agreed with this (ds has just turned 2). Certainly, for the 1st year I spent most of the time feeling stressed, anxious, guilty and inadequate ? although I may have been more anxious than average, due to the fact that ds was a result of fertility treatment, after 4 years of ttc, and also that we have a family history of babies dying.
Anyway, books I found helpful were ?The Smart Woman?s Guide to Staying Home? by Melissa Hill (helpful in parts, wacky in others) and ?Staying Home: From Full-Time Professional to Full-Time Parent? by Darcie Sanders and Martha Bullen. Here?s a quote from that; ?Most Women are unwilling to buy into the 1950?s ?happy homemaker? image that is pervasive in our culture. Today?s woman at home differs from this stereotype in having the freedom and self-awareness to make her own choices about how she wants to spend her time at home?Whatever aspects are most important to you, the point is that you ? not some outmoded social stereotype ? should decide what you want your job to be?The happiest women we encountered shaped their role into one that fit comfortably with their own personality and aspirations.?
I had to convince myself that it didn?t matter that I was the exact opposite of 3 stereotypes that I thought of as ?good? mothers: (i) organised, efficient mothers, good at sorting out a structured routine, (ii) domesticated women, good at cooking and providing a beautiful home (iii) energetic and enthusiastic people ? full of fun ideas.
I still don?t know if looking after ds full-time was the best decision for both of us. I didn?t do it because I thought I could care for him better than anyone else, but because I couldn?t bear to leave him. And I wanted him to feel really secure and loved. I can say that we have a very strong bond, and that he seems to be a generally happy child ? he smiles and laughs a lot. Of course, I don?t know if he would have been like that anyway, and I?m sure he would have had other benefits from part-time child care.
I used to panic if we ever had a day without something to do, and somewhere to go. I know people whose children love going to nursery and I didn?t want to deprive ds of that, so we do lots of outside activities ? e.g. Tumble Tots, play groups and play sessions at the leisure centre.
Re. Mother and Toddler groups, I?m a bit biased because I run one. I was so worried about being isolated, and sitting at home wondering what to do all day, that I managed to get hold of a room so that my post natal group could continue to meet up after the hv organised sessions had finished. We advertise for other mums to join us and now get around 12 most times. It has been very important to my sanity and survival over the past 2 years.
I know not everyone feels comfortable at groups, but I think it is worth giving it a go, and perserving for at least a few weeks to try to get to know people. Having small children means you do at least have something in common as a starting point. We get new people coming along all the time, and others leave as they move away or go back to work, so you might find that there are others there looking for friends ? either because they?re new themselves (which you may not realise when you first walk in) or because the people they used to talk to no longer go along.
Sorry this has been such a long post ? I hope some of it is helpful to someone.