Do you have any completely one-sided friendships?

[Earlybird]

If so, why do you keep them up? What makes you decide if/when to 'let go'?

My situation: am fairly new to my current city, and have pursued a friendship with the Mum of one of dd's classmates. Their family moved here a year before me, so are only slightly more 'established' in the community.

She's interesting, we have had similar life experiences, her dh and family are lovely, etc. She is a bit scatterbrained/flaky - but that is understandable to some extent as she has a dh and 4 dc and is juggling alot.

However, it dawned on me the other day that everything we've ever done has been initiated/hosted by me. I invite her, I invite her dd (the one who is my dd's classmate), I pick up/drop off as our dds have similar schedules, I invite them as a couple - etc. It is so one-sided, that I'm now starting to wonder if they have any interest in me at all, or are simply responding to my invitations.

A few days ago, the woman even said 'I feel as if I never reciprocate'. I answered by saying 'I'm sure you will when you can', but am now starting to wonder if I'm a mug. I'm not a scorekeeper, but have probably extended over a dozen invitations with none coming back my way.

I guess it is a stretch to call it a friendship. So far it consists almost exclusively of me trying to be her friend. Opinions please?

Hmm... it depends really

Are you aware of her initiating lots of get togethers with other friends, or is she just a bit crap at organising things like this?

Sometimes I can be a bit like your friend. I find it hard to initiate meeting up with friends/suggesting activities together. In my case it is because I am pretty cripplingly insecure and worry about being turned down etc. I could also be described as being scatterbrained/flaky and I just never get organised and together.

The fact that she's commented that she never reciprocates indicates to me that it is on her mind.

Without knowing her and all the circumstances I couldn't say for sure, but it sounds more like she's a little bit crap with things like that then she doesn't want to be your friend.

I see what you are saying, and agree that insecurity can play a part in some cases. For instance, I am crap at reciprocating dinner party invitations as I'm not a dab hand in the kitchen, and entertaining is stressful to me. So, I hardly ever have a dinner party. But, I try to compensate/reciprocate in other ways to let people know I value them and they matter to me.