8 year old - food and exercise... need advice

[Lizann]

Hi, my son who is 8 years old has always been a picky eater - he hasn't eaten a vegetable in years though he does eat fruit. His staple diet consists of potato waffles, pizzas, bread, grilled bacon and sometimes sausages. It is nigh on impossible to get him to try anything new and even when he does he automatically says he doesn't like it (I think he decides this even before he tries it). As with most kids he loves sweets, biscuits cakes etc - though isn't into chips, burgers etc. Apart from my concern about his eating habits I'm also concerned that he is overweight for his age - despite the fact that he doesn't seem to eat a lot. He is a very lazy child and getting him to take exercise is quite difficult. Has anyone got any advice or magical solutions as to how I could get him to eat more healthily and get more exercise?(clutching at straws here!)

I was a desperately picky child but a very skinny one, and I think the only answer is to stop having much fatty or processed food (particularly snacks) in the house and replace it with fruit, sugar-free cereal (eg weetabix), wholemeal bread etc.If you don't have sweets, biscuits and cakes in the larder, he can't eat them - at least not at home. And if he doesn't eat them he will probably be a lot hungrier for real food. I don't have any biscuits or cakes or sweets in the house because I work at home and can't trust myself, so it works! My stepdaughter likes them too, but if she wants them, she has to bake them herself. I simply don't buy them. When I was a kid it was definitely take it or leave it with food. Nobody pandered to my huge range of pet hates. Eg I loathed pasta so if the rest of the family had spaghetti bolognese I was allowed eat my sauce on toast, but would never have been offered a separate meal. I was never forced to eat anything I didn't want but I couldn't just eat things I wanted. If it was lamb chops and peas day, well, I didn't each much. But I survived and had a few apples afterwards! I know it sounds so mean to modern ears, but I actually think it is pretty sensible. Your son's diet sounds high in saturated fat, and that may cause him health problems in later life, so I think you are right to try and tackle this now. He doesn't need a diet, just fewer unhealthy foods and more healthier ones served as family meals - eg pasta with tomato sauce, baked potatoes with tuna or beans, chicken sandwiches for lunch etc. Does he cook? I learned to cook because I was so picky! He may well be happier to eat what he cooks. As for exercise, well, I didn't do any as a kid except walk to school and back every day and hang out with my friends and that was enough. I think it is a sad thing that this is now seen as impossible. Do any of his friends go to the park for post-school kickabout or anything?

Ps. At your son's age, I would have eaten exactly the same food out of choice. Only I got cauliflower cheese instead! I was just thinking that sounds like my 8-year-old self's dream diet!

Aloha, thanks for your reply. I do try not to have biscuits and sweets in the house and have tried not giving him his usual food and including him in the family meal but he has an unbelievable ability to go for very long stretches with no food - it could sometimes be 4pm before he eats anything - after refusing breakfast and not touching his packed lunch at school. It's quite a battle of wills, believe me! But I guess I'm not doing him any favours by allowing this to continue. He does play football some days after school but because he's so unfit he tires easily and gets frustrated with himself and gives up. Anyway, thanks so much for your advice, I'll just have to persevere.

Lizann, I an only speak as the mother of a toddler, so it maybe no help, but...
You say sometimes he won't eat before 4pm, well he is not going to starve himself, I would be worried if he didn't eat for the whole day. If you relent at 4pm with food that you know he will eat, then he has won. I would keep giving him more healthy food which he will either eat or not, but if he realises it's that or nothing then I am sure he will eventually eat. Does he get the chance to eat snacks at school? If so he maybe eating more than you realise.
His attitude sounds like the attitude of a toddler and this is how I finally got mine to eat reasonable meals. They have to eat what they are given (within reason) otherwise there is nothing else. If they play up and leave teh table the food gets taken away (after about 1/2 hr) and there is nothing else until the next meal.

Could you bribe him via toys, star chart etc??

Lizann - I don't know how practical it is for you but everything I read about children & exercise constantly says you have to do it with them (!!); do you go for walks, cycle rides, swimming etc? Lots of leisure centres have courses during half term & holidays for swimming, sports or more 'unusual' things like trampolining, rollar skating etc - would he be interested in trying something like that?

Alhoa - I do endorse your comments about food, modern society does seem to pander to children's diets & 'special' meals - like you we always had to eat whatever was on offer - or fruit & bread (mind you, at my age I don't think we even had things like pizza & chicken nuggets when I was young!!).

My ds is picky in the other direction - won't eat meat, but loves carrots and peas. Having had lots of food issues myself, I'm trying to keep it light with him - basically, if I make him a meal, he can eat what he wants of it - I'm not going to force him to eat anything he doesn't want to, but equally, I don't give him sweets/biscuits/cake regularly - he tends to get those at parties, so they're 'party foods'.

As far as exercise goes, I think general activity is under-rated - you don't need to go to a sports centre, just try being a bit more active generally - walk a little more, play in the garden. Family walks can often be great fun, and he may not realise he's getting exercise! (Apologies if that sounds patronising - I'm sure you have thought of that...!). Or walking to the shops instead of taking the car/bus.

I think Aloha makes a lot of sense. He's not going to starve. Offer him a choice of healthy cereal (weetabix, porridge) or brown toast for breakfast. If he refuses it offer him a healthy lunch (eg tuna sandwich), if he refuses offer him a healthy tea (eg pasta & tomato sauce). etc The only time I worry about my DS (OK he's only 2) is if he doesn't eat in the evening and thats because I'm worried he'll wake me up because he's hungry. If I'm worried he might do this I give him a dry brown bread roll and he will generally eat enough of it to see him through the night.

Also keep the dodgy stuff out of the house - I too have to do this due to my own lack of willpower.

Re the exercise - does he walk to school?

Whenever you take him anywhere in the car - you could start deliberately parking at the far end of the car park or a few streets further away than you need to be - then you'd benefit too.

Lizann, I'd definitely persevere but stop 'trying' if you see what I mean. I often went without food for ages - I think it's quite common at that age. I'd cheerily offer the food and try very, very hard to avoid making it a battle of wills. Keep it casual and light. Don't cajole or plead or coax. If he doesn't like it and won't touch it, don't panic. Make sure each meal includes something you know he likes or at least doesn't really, really hate - eg a baked potato, or a basket of bread on the table, with access to fruit all day. What he doesn't eat, he doesn't eat. And if you don't buy biscuits he can't eat them. I have no willpower so never buy chocolate biscuits or cakes, and it really does stop you eating them! As others have wisely said, he won't starve himself and you will be doing him such a favour. He will soon be at an age when being overweight will make him miserably self-conscious, quite apart from the health issue.
BTW does he have spending money at school? When you say he hasn't touched his packed lunch, I do remember a lot of food swapping going on, and plenty of bags of crisps knocking about at school. I doubt he is starving! I'd always respect a child's choices and never force a child to eat food they genuinely loathed, but he's too young to fully understand the health implications of his current diet, so you are right to take control of the situation. Good luck.

Hi thank you all so much for your advice and suggestions. I tried offering some new foods last night and he ended up on tears because he didn't like roast potatoes (!). I think he is getting disillusioned with himself at this stage about not eating the same things as other kids. Still, he did have some pasta afterwards (which would have been unheard of a few months ago), so I'll stick at it. The only problem I can foresee is that if he doesn't like the food I'm offering he'll eat bread and fill up on that rather than trying new stuff. Aloha, I don't think there's much swapping of food in school at lunch time. The school has a healthy eating policy so there's no sweets, crisps or fizzy drinks allowed (thankfully). There isn't a shop nearby so he isn't buying forbidden foods on the quiet! And yes, I do agree that taking exercise as a family is the way to go, but sometimes I find it's hardly worth the effort because I practically have to drag the boys with me as they moan that "walks are boring". I know that the effort has to come from me and my dh though so thanks for the words of encouragement from you all.

I think it sounds as if things are improving. Funnily enough, I was thinking about this last night and about what we do with my stepdaughter who also tends to chubbiness. We never talk about dieting, but more about health. We stopped buying croissants and biscuits, but let her bake at the weekend. We also let her choose at least one meal over the weekend so she felt in control. I would allow your ds to choose the family meal at least once or twice a week so he feels he has some say, but you and your dh choose the other days. So one night you all get to eat pizza with salad or waffles and decent sausages or whatever (plus veg which he can take or leave). THe other nights you choose and only offer one choice. Also maybe he could cook with you. Making pizza is fantastic for kids and provided you have plenty of tomato sauce, mushrooms etc and don't pile on the cheese, pretty healthy too. I think the idea at his age is not for him to lose weight but to keep his weight stable as his height increases so he becomes slimmer.

My ds is nine and also has a tendency to be chubby - it just seems to be how he grows, I will notice that he seems to be carrying a bit extra around the middle and then a few weeks later it will be gone and his trousers will be too short - saying that though, he does eat healthily and well but will eat and eat if I let him, he will eat veg, pasta, fruit, fish, baked potatoes etc. Basically, we have one family meal per day and what they don't want, they leave but there is nothing else. Ds is also very active, plays football & rugby, swims, does cross country with the school so he is physically fit. Has your ds mentioned his size or fitness - ds has occasionally said someone at school called him fat and it obviously bothers him - he is a big lad but I would not describe him as fat. I think, as others have said, the option to fill himself with high fat foods needs to be taken away from him, as for exercise - this is difficult - if he feels that his lack of fitness lets him down, he will not want to play team sports, what about judo or karate - would he be interested in that? Could you go out cycling as a family or (a bit extreme this one) if your boys say that walking is boring - what about getting them a dog? A perfect reason to walk!!