am I wrong to give my 10 yr old daughter a mobile phone?

[cutekids]

she's walking with her 2 younger siblings to school now.we got her a cheap mobile phone just for safety reasons.ie:let me know when they arrive/leave school etc.
a letter went out on Monday asking that pupils hand over their mobiles during the school day-which is fine by me-and,if possible,avoid letting the children bring them in at all.
i told my dd1 to hand the mobile over as requested and to ring me once she's outside the school gates but apparently her teacher-who is also the deputy head-shouts at pupils who use their mobile phones even if they're out of the school grounds.who's in the wrong?me/him?

But if you've explained that to the school, I'm sure they won't mind your dd sitting quietly in reception for 10mins. After all, the TA's kids have to wait for them to finish. It's not as if the school is locked up and everyone goes home.

Hopefully you'll find that there is no need for a mobile phone.

Lovemygirls - why can't you set off earlier?

It's like this (I will use numbers instead of names to explain)

I will set off at 2.50pm with children 1 and 2 I will collect child 3 at 3pm then wait for child 4 until 3.15pm then I will put all 4 children in the car, collapse the pushchair and drive a few minutes to the next school where child 5 will be waiting by the doors at kids club, I will drive into the car park and she will jump in and we will all arrive home by 3.30 I would think.

Dd1 will have to walk from her class inside down the corridor to the office to pick up her phone, she will switch her phone on and when the time says 3.20pm she will walk to the kids club which is about 1 minute walk if that she will wait by the door which is sheltered incase its raining by then I should be waiting in the car park anyway.

I'm yet to put this into practice so it may need re-thinking btw.

Didn't mean to hi-jack your thread btw cutekids.

I'm not understanding why she needs a mobile phone? Can't she just walk down to the kids club anyway?

the phone is incase I happen to be running late because the other children haven't been let out on time or there is bad traffic or an accident or something.

I don't see what's wrong with letting children have mobile phones, as long as they don't get distracted with using them at school.

When I was young, and mobiles hadn't been invented, I used to carry 10p in my pocket in case I needed to use a payphone. Not many payphones around these days - at least, not where I live. It's grim oop North!

Wouldn't that be assumed, though, if you didn't turn up on time? And it's not likely to happen often, is it?
I've been late at school before now and had to collect my child from the office. Everyone correctly assumed that I'd been held up by something.
I still don't think the phone is that necessary.
I have kept the numbers of a couple of mums and arranged with the school that my child would wait with the mum until I turned up if I was a bit late. I would phone the mum to let them know and then they would wait until I got there. I did the same for them.

Maybe I'll just let her take the phone for the first couple of weeks until we've settled into the new routine, we'll see how it goes although her going to the office to get the phone gives her something to do while she's waiting. I can't imagine me letting her walk to school on her own ever but I used to at that age and my sister was walking more than a mile on her own along a very busy road to school at that age and when I went to middle school I walked with her. I was also walking to my first school round the corner on my own at age 8 when my mum had just had my baby brother.

I think its because we have the option of a mobile phone that we take advantage of it. I was really, nervous about DD not being allowed to take a phone to secondary with her and its only a 15 min walk! Her first week was a nightmare for me, worrying at hometime every night. Now, a year on, in yr 8, I don't give her another thought, even if she's half an hour late, which is never is anyway!

I think the deal here is, us not being able to give them the credit they deserve to be sensible and grown up. Lets face it, very few of us on here had mobiles at school and managed perfectly well! The world is no more of a danger now, than it was then.

I don't think you're wrong for letting her have a phone, but I do think the school have a valid point about them being in, or on the boundaries of the school. As Rhubarb said, if you are in school uniform, the school will be probably be involved with any incident that may or may not happen. Your dd isn't walking little ones to school, so give her a bit of credit and trust her to just come straight home.

I don't think we give our children enough responsibility and trust these days.

I used to walk to and from secondary school since my first year there. It mattered not that it was a mile away. dh had the same, only his walk was down country lanes for 2 miles.

We grew up a lot quicker then, were more wary and sensible. Now children don't seem to be able to do anything without supervision. How can they learn and grow if we don't allow them a little responsibility? How about saying "Look, I will worry about you walking to school on your own, but if you prove to me that I can trust you, then I'm happy to let you do that. If however, you let me down, I'll arrange for you to be walked to school like a small child" You'd be surprised at sensible and grown-up your child can be.

Children thriven on being given responsibilties and treated like mini-adults. How can we expect them to survive in this cut-throat world if we don't allow them to grow up?

Here, here!

you mean hear hear?

My niece is 11 and has had a phone since she was around 9 and was walking to and from school on her own. The phone, however, was for times when she wasn't just going to and from school. She can stop off at the park without her mum worrying, or let her mum know she's forgotten such and such a club, or ask to go to a friend's for tea....

It gives her some freedom but means she can ask / let her mum know what's going on. It stays in her locker at school (whenever I phone in the day to leave a message its turned off at least)

Its particularly useful now her parents are separated, because she can still get in touch with her mum easily when she is with her dad, and that makes her feel more comfortable.

So no, YANBU but maybe she should just call in special circumstances rather than all the time?

has dd actually aske for a phone or did you just get her one?

my ds1 is 9 (10 in nov) and just moved to middle school, i had thought about getting him a phone so he could text me when he got to school (i have to leave at 8am also as i start work at 8.30) but i thought in the end, the school will ring me if he didnt turn up, he is walking with his friends so not by himself.

i think by giving them phones for our benefit more than theirs is almost like projecting our fears onto them, of what could happen to them, and having to let us know where they are 24/7 is not letting them grown up and have their own freedom, and trusting them.

when ds1 asks for his phone maybe he can have one for his bday or something, not just to make me feel better. (he cant take it in class with him anyway it has to be handed into the office)

i think primary school is too young for phones, sorry.

i totally understand the social pressure to have one at secondary school but ( and it is only MHO ), i am an old fashioned fuddy duddy that thinks nowt wrong with 10p and a payphone or actually speaking to someone face to face.

when ds goes to secondary school, i expect, yes, he will get a phone at some stage.

BUT it will be closely monitored and supervised by moi and it will bought as and when we decide he needs it, not when HE decides!

if you are that concerned for their welfare, don't let them walk to school alone.

As I said my DS 1 had one at 10.
He was travelling by train and I was a twenty five minute drive from him if there was a problem. We had also recently moved and I wanted him to have the comfort of being able to phone me if he needed too.
It was for emergencies and to let me know if there were problems on the train so that we could agree if he would wait or if I would collect him as soon as DS2 was home.
It was only needed for one term and after that he no longer took it too school ( as new school was just around the corner.

I think saying a child of x age should not have one is not allowing for the fact that in certain circumstances it may be an aid to independence.

His ability to cope with a difficult journey was massively helped by his phone. In fact without that we would have had to take him out of school for a term.

My ds aged 8 has a mobile phone (dps old contract one) he loves it. It has camera, bluetooth etc. He doesnt take it to school and uses it more as a camera but enjoys sending me texts. He also can send his dad texts.

I do agree that they can take 'inappropriate photos' tho, ds took one of his best mates bare bum! Had to explain that this was not ok, etc etc.

My DD has just started secondary and we got her a phone over the summer. She was the last of her friends to have one. They are not allowed them in school, so they keep them in their bags turned off and know that they will be confiscated if a teacher sees one. There is no texting under the tables as far as I can tell - in Yr 7 anyway! I have found it really reassuring that she can ring me after school, and tell me she has just found out she has netball practice, can she go to a friend's house, she's stuck on the bus in a traffic jam etc. In that case it is abt me finding it difficult to let go. But then she is only 11. At her age if I needed to contact my mum, I would have used a pay phone - in fact we had one in school. But as was said earlier, payphones are few and far between now, and the ones that are around may not work/take coins. I don't always like it their ubiquity, but I do think the advantages (for us anyway) outweigh the disadvantages.

My DD has just started secondary and we got her a phone over the summer. She was the last of her friends to have one. They are not allowed them in school, so they keep them in their bags turned off and know that they will be confiscated if a teacher sees one. There is no texting under the tables as far as I can tell - in Yr 7 anyway! I have found it really reassuring that she can ring me after school, and tell me she has just found out she has netball practice, can she go to a friend's house, she's stuck on the bus in a traffic jam etc. In that case it is abt me finding it difficult to let go. But then she is only 11. At her age if I needed to contact my mum, I would have used a pay phone - in fact we had one in school. But as was said earlier, payphones are few and far between now, and the ones that are around may not work/take coins. I don't always like it their ubiquity, but I do think the advantages (for us anyway) outweigh the disadvantages.

I have a mobile phone which I only use for emergencies. This is because it is almost impossible to find a payphone these days that works.

I think for that reason only its ok for a child to have a mobile. I used to walk to school and have some money to phone home if there was a problem.

I appreciate problems of schools having to look after phones etc but I think its reasonable to allow kids who are out on their own to have a practical way of contacting parents.

If it's a 3 mile walk though lonely country lanes with fields of bulls and an ungated level crossing, then you are not being unreasonable. But I assume it's not. So why do you need to know that they've got there, or when they leave?

I thnk its a great idea, freedom with protection.

My DD will be 10 shortly and has just started Middle School. Having thought it over for a bit I've decided to get her a phone for her birthday, to be used for emergencies only and to live turned off at the bottom of her school bag.

I have decided on balance that when she is walking back on her own (which won't be for a bit yet) I would prefer her to have it and also for things like if an after school club is cancelled for any reason or she wants to go to a friend's house on the way home from school. Also for if I am late picking up. It works differently to primary school, they all get chucked out at home time and the teachers wouldn't have a clue if a parent wasn't there unless a child went back to tell them.

I fully recognise why schools hate the things and I always thought she wouldn't have one until much older but they seem to have far more independence during Year 5 at Middle School than they would in a Year 5 at primary, which is why I've had a re-think.