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Original poster

Creepy Neighbour

22 replies

Chinchilla · 15/02/2003 22:27

There is not much that any of you can do to help, but I need to get this off my chest, and see if I am being a bit paranoid. Anyway, it is like this. The couple who live across the street from me have two school age children (about 8 and 6). They seem a nice couple, although they don't seem to spend much time together. Most of the time there is only one or the other car in the drive, although they are still together as a couple, because when we do see them together they seem happy.

I have chatted briefly to both of them, singly and together, but have not made friends - it is just passing the time of day. We exchange Xmas cards, but don't socialise, or remember each other's names.

Whenever the man is in the house on his own, and I go out to my car with ds, I always spot him looking out of the lounge window at me. They have mid-level net curtains, so he is not really obvious, but I can see his outline. He probably thinks that I can't see him, as he does not have any lights on. It is not just a passing glance either, he stands there for ages as I am starting the car and adjusting the radio and heater etc. I have been noticing it for a couple of weeks now, and it is really beginning to spook me out, but I can't warn him off, because I may be totally misreading the situation. e.g. he may be thinking what a jalopy my car is, or something like that. When I see him in the street, he is friendly and chatty, but I haven't really had the chance to speak to him since I have noticed this, so he hasn't had the chance to say something that would explain it. His wife is really nice, and before all this, I though that he was really pleasant too. Now I feel weird every time I go to my car. I haven't said anything to dh, as I had only noticed it a couple of times before he went on holiday, and I thought that I was just being silly.

What do you all think?

OP posts:

Jzee · 15/02/2003 22:58

I must admit it does sound a bit strange, and I'd be uncomfortable with his behaviour. Perhaps next time you should just wave at him to let him know that he can be seen. The fact that he maybe thinks you can't see him when actually you can might make him embarrasment enough to stop. If he continues after that I'd let everyone know what he's up to and then he'll stop. Like you say though it might just be innocent?

anais · 15/02/2003 23:04

I agree with JZee. Try waving at him, if it's innocent then nothing's lost, if it's not then maybe it will scare him off a bit.

You implied that he's pleasant enough when you speak to him, maybe he's just bored and lonely?

ScummyMummy · 16/02/2003 00:51

Or maybe there's just other stuff going on in his life? My dad got arrested for standing on our balcony watching the sunset (at 4am) because some neighbour wondered why and called the police... He was very depressed after my mum died and was contemplating life the universe and everything. Petty I know, but I still can't really forgive that neighbour, so unless the guy is really creeping you out it might be worth turning a blind eye, perhaps?

Scatterbrain · 16/02/2003 10:58

Sounds like he's just plain nosey to me !! Agree that waving is good - but it may not stop him - he might just hide better !!

I wouldn't worry - there's more to life !

StuartC · 16/02/2003 11:16

I can't see the problem. I often stare out of the window while deep in thought. It's never struck me that one of my neighbours could think that I'm spying on them. (In my last house I used to stare at the coal fire - gosh I am starting to sound odd now!) If someone passes by in the street I'm not sure that I would even notice them (possibly not even if they waved). Except for the children you describe, I could be the man you're writing about.
Thinking about this now, possibly my neighbours do have concerns about me. My computer is in the corner of the study upstatirs, next to the window. I suppose as I sit at the keyboard, facing three-quarters to the window, it looks through the curtain as though I'm staring out. Should I rearrange things? I assure you it's completely innocent.

janh · 16/02/2003 11:21

Chinchilla, if you can only see his outline are you absolutely sure he is looking out? Agree with the others, try waving and see if he appears to notice!

WideWebWitch · 16/02/2003 11:22

No stuartc, don't rearrange your computer. Chinchilla, I really don't think there's anything to worry about - it sounds as if he's just daydreaming or something. How would he know when you are about to go out to your car anyway? And why would he be interested? So I agree with everyone else, don't worry about it! Have you had too much time on your hands recently, by any chance?

Original poster

Chinchilla · 16/02/2003 11:24

He is not just looking out of the window in a gazing sort of way. He is standing there, a few feet back so he can't be seen (or so he thinks), and staring directly at me. He comes to the window as soon as I go to my car, and watches me and me only. If it was totally innocent, he would do like I do, pull the net curtain back, look at the thing he was looking at for a few seconds/minutes and then go. I would feel less creeped out if he did this, waved at me and smiled, and then went. But it is obvious that he thinks I can't see him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chinchilla · 16/02/2003 11:26

www - ha ha No, it is not that, I am just getting a bit worried about it. See my other recent post. To answer other questions, I KNOW he is looking at me, I CAN see his face, even though it is a bit shady. I know that it sounds paranoid, but I am starting to look out for it now, as the more I think about it, the more it creeps me out.

Maybe he fancies me!!!

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 16/02/2003 11:30

chinchilla, absolutely no offence intended, hope none was taken, I was joking!

StuartC · 16/02/2003 11:30

Hi www. Us chaps don't daydream - we're deep in thought; anguishing over the world's problems; preparing mentally for tomorrow's challenges. Daydreaming - huh.

WideWebWitch · 16/02/2003 11:32

Yeah right stuartc, and you don't gossip either, do you? You talk

Original poster

Chinchilla · 16/02/2003 11:32

WWW - none taken! To answer you Q about why he would be interested, I am stunningly beautiful of course!

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 16/02/2003 11:36

Chinchilla, I know how you feel - I used to get creepy feeling from a weird man at work whom I was convinced was staring at me. He was probably just staring into space (as we all do) and thought I was, in fact, staring at him. You said that they have net curtains and that you can see his outline" so can you actually be sure what he's looking at? I could never be 100% sure that this man at work was looking at me and he was in full view. It's the kind of thing that makes you more wound up the more you think about it isn't it? The more I thought this man was staring at me, the more of his actions I started to doubt - he was a bit weird and used to bounce up and down on his chair, seemingly in excitement. Obviously I attributed this to some sort of fascination with me which seems really silly from the distance of 5 years or so

Unlss you're in the habit getting into the car naked , I wouldn't worry about it. Give a friendly wave as others have suggested and ignore it. He probably doesn't realise you can see him and may, in fact, be embarrassed if he found out you found it creepy.

I find that I look out of the window if I hear a car pulling up or a front door opening/closing just through sheer nosiness or boredom I guess.

HTH

Original poster

Chinchilla · 16/02/2003 11:39

SoupDragon, the nets are mid-level, so I can see his shoulders and head when he is standing a few feel back.

I do feel a bit silly now. He IS doing it, but maybe he is just being nosey, and I don't notice it if he does it to other people because I am not constantly watching HIM! I'll wave at him, and hope it makes him realise that he can be seen.

OP posts:

Tinker · 16/02/2003 12:57

I don't know Chinchilla, if it makes you feel creepy then it's not nice. I had a neighbour (still do) who always managed to come out of his house as I was getting out of my car and either sit on the wall or walk past. But didn't actually say 'hello'. I used to think I was being paranoid until one day, got home, he was sitting on the wall, he then ran into his house and, as I got into mine I could see him upstairs straining to see into my living room.

I never did anything and came to the conclusion that, since he was at home all day, he just had nothing else to do except think too much. But the creepy behaviour wnet on for about a year, I think. I just made a point of never giving him any eye contact, ever, and it has now stopped, his fantasies have moved elsewhere I presume.

Not quite the same for you since you know him but doubt he'll do any harm.

bluebear · 16/02/2003 13:00

Just a thought - I was 'staring' out of our front window today (from behind the nets) because dh had taken ds out to the park and the house felt so empty and quiet I couldn't settle to doing anything - just looked out for their return. I accidently made eye contact with a woman walking up our street and she looked quite startled (and I'm not a creepy bloke - I'm female for a start).
I was just wondering if your creepy man is feeling lonely with his wife and children out of the house and is looking out for them ( and watching you because you're there if you see what I mean).

Scatterbrain · 16/02/2003 14:16

If it's really bugging you this much maybe you should go over and have it out with him ? Or get your dh to ?

Like Stuart I sit at my PC by a window and enjoy watching all the daily comings and goings too - but I'm not exactly watching anyone in particular !

Marina · 16/02/2003 19:19

Chinchilla, we used to have a neighbour like this in our old place and I wasn't sorry to lose him when we moved. BUT a chat with some other (normal) neighbours then revealed that he did always spy on them too, and it was driving us all nuts - not just me and dh. I just wondered if you had compared notes with anyone else on your side of the street about this - basically, can you be sure you are the only one getting this attention?
Someone mentioned giving him a cheery wave - I think that's a good idea, if you want him to know you're aware he's watching. If you're leaving the house with the children, get them to wave and call yoo-hoo as well. Maybe this will put him off a bit!
Glad to know from others here that I am not the only neighbour who stares aimlessly out of her front window on occasion...
Scummy, your poor dad. Urban life is lovely sometimes, isn't it. I suppose the neighbour might have been concerned about his wellbeing and called the police because she couldn't cope with contacting him direct...nope, thought not.

Jimjams · 16/02/2003 21:02

Found myself staring at a man out of the window today as he was getting in his car- he looked a bit disconcerted. DS1 was having a major tantrum because the man had his car door open for too long (or it may have been because he had the driver door and boot open- ds1 is autisitc- and these things are of life threatening importance you know ) Anyway I was trying to explain to ds1 that peole are entitled to take as long as they like to get in their own car before he started headbutting the window (ds1 not the man) and I think I freaked him out (the man not ds1- confused ? I am!) Anyway it occurred to me that as ds1 spends a lot fo time looking out of windowns I do too- usually we are talking about cars and things. I must look very odd when I'm kneeling down with ds1 looking out of his bedroom window- must look like I'm spying- oh no I'm the creepy neighbour!

anais · 16/02/2003 22:18

Sorry for the OT post, but StuartC??? DO we have another male mumsnetter????? And for that matter what ever happened to SimonHoward, I haven't noticed any posts recently?

SoupDragon · 17/02/2003 09:17

SH has been on the Valentine's Day thread, so he's not abandoned us.

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