Ok never chatted in a chatroom before but I just thought I would add some perspective to this.
My partners parents...er interesting, father crazed alcoholic and drug abuser who tipped up at our house 6 weeks after our son had been born, more drunk than could be conceivable. He tried to get us to open up, and kept banging the door, then threatened to kick it in. This was at midnight, he then proceeded to come back intermittentantly at 1am, 3am and 4am, before there was action taken by my partner to remove him from the premises. He since for the umpteenth time looked like drink was going to finally kill him, this and the vast array of drugs he has consumed. So I took the decision to offer my partner some comfort by giving him the opportunity of taking our tiny, gorgeous, wonderful boy to meet his Dad personally. It made me feel sick, but ultimately my partners father is ill, I want no contact, but I would not deprive my partner the opportunity to acquaint his son with his father.
My "MIL" is what can only be described as depressive, she has negativity to contribute to every situation (in context clearly her life has not been easy). I think she found my partner as a child/adolescent difficult to live with and so is intensely supportive of me, but she and her son are close too. She is kind to me and she is a nice person and when we announced I was pregnant she was delighted but said enjoy your time now because you will never be as happy again. Honestly it makes you laugh. Fortunately despite some highs and lows (often induced by sleep deprivation) we are happy.
She has made comments about, dummies, foods, our child probably being TV starved (8 months). She doesn't mean it, she adores him but is just not able to express spontaneous positivity. She will never roar with laughter or say you guys are great parents, we get on, but I find her so lacking in warmth.
All this is made more difficult by the fact that on Christmas Day 2001 my healthy Mum of 67 died. I was 5 months pregnant with my first child and what would have been her first grandchild and I lost her in the space of 16 hours. She was about to finally understand that we were not so very different, that being a Mum would be the most amazing experience I had ever had and that I loved it, that I wasn't a "businesswoman", which despite my protestations she didn't really get. So all those people who do find their Mum's intensely irritating, but deep down just love them heaps. Honestly do really think about the small things and whether it's worth falling out, or whether its worth finding a less confrontational way to resolve. I know it's easier said than done, but I know I would dearly like that option to the one I now have, where nothing can be said and no experience shared, with the person who looked after you in the middle of the night and built their day around keeping you happy.
And on to the MIL, I don't take away from it that some MIL's can seem to be downright manipulative and intensely unpleasant, but do like I do and take comfort from the other people you have close to you and forgive your parents in law their fallibilities. I have forgiven my boyfriends Dad, but he just scared the ass off me and I don't want to be around him, but I think ours is an extreme case.
The one thing that makes me sympathise with the lot of the MIL, is I hope one day to be one of them, and I'd hate for my son and his theoretical family to dread seeing me. I guess there are lessons for us all. God I'm probably going to get thrown out for spouting all this stuff on a talkboard but hey ho.