How much responsibilty should we take for other people's children?

[givenupforlent]

After WWW's incident this week and my incident today, just how much responsibility should we take for others' children?

this is what the NSPCC says about children home alone doesn't say anything about out in the world alone though

Dh was on his way to work one morning & spotted a 2 year old girl wandering up the street on her own.The road she was walking up,led onto one of the main roads into the city & is always busy with traffic.

He stopped & asked her where she lived & where her mummy/daddy were & she led him back to a nearby house.He knocked on the door & the childs mum came out & was quite shocked-she hadn't realised that her daughter had let herself out & gone wandering off.She was very grateful to DH for bringing the little girl back,but DH said that he felt very nervous & self concious about the whole thing,just in case it had turned nasty & his actions had been misconstrued.

I found my neighbours 3 year old yards from a main road too,she had no idea that he'd gone until I knocked on the door with him.He'd managed to undo the latch on the back gate whilst she was upstairs.

DH & I have been lucky with the reactions from parents,but I can totally see why people would be wary of stepping in,especially after poor WWW's experience.

Been thinking about this thread a bit more and can remember two occasions in the last week when I have watched a child as they didn't appear to be with an adult, both times I was in shops and was concerned that the child was going to wander out of the shop, both times a parent/carer has appeared. If the child had left the shop I would have gone up to them and asked where their Mummy/Daddy was.

I wouldn't hesitate to contact Social Services/Police if I was worried about a child but would probably do so anonymously.

my brother escaped from the house once when he was a toddler. he climbed out the living room windows .my mum didnt know til lsomeone knocked on the door asking if db was hers. i think she almost fainted in shock.

we used to live on a very busy road,and a few times my dad dashed into the road to rescue kids who had escaped from back garden etc, as they would be standing in the middle of the road.

I found a sobbing toddler in our local department store recently and I had my dd with me too. I took her by the hand and was walking her to the cash desk when I was grabbed by this woman demanding to know what the hell I was doing.

She didn't know the child but had been watching her cry for 5 minutes from a distance and said it was obvious her motherwould come for her. I stood my ground and carried on to the cash desk where they put out a tannoy call. Turns out the mother was in the restaurant and hadn't noticed she'd slipped out of her pushchair.

Living beside a main road I am scared at the number of experiences of children wandering out of gardens/houses. DS2 has started to bring a little chair down to unlock the back door (yale) which wouldn't normally be a huge problem but due to alterations we have had done there is no gate on the garden at the moment and the children are not allowed out there, I dread to think what would happen if he got out. Must remember to keep the bottom lock on too.

I have emailed the NSPCC out of interest to see what they say (mentioning no names or details, just a general enquiry on guidlines.) Just if they could verify what should be done, how involved a person should get etc.

I'll post what the answer is - it may take a couple of days.

As some of you may know I contacted the NSPCC about a neighbours child a couple of years ago. This little girl, and I mean little, she is only 4 1/2 has the misfortune to have drug dealers for parents so is left to wander. Enough neighbours, me included, complained for this not to be the case, or not as often anymore. The druggies are a bit abusive to us but what else would we expect from people like that! One of my neighbours had her car vandalised by the girl and another had her son bitten, she also throws stones at children.

The thing was, when she was running around the streets, more often that not she would strip off and streak! It would have been funny if it wasn't happening every day!

I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't spoken to the HV who told me that people should report these things as sometimes it is all social services can go on as the parents put on an act when they show up. I just pity her and all children who are in these situations.

That NSPCC thing is funny. It says that it would be unacceptable to leave a sixteen year old alone for a week. But they're allowed to get married. Huh? Are Mum and Dad supposed to go on honeymoon with them as well then?

I think part of the issue with young children and hostile reactions to people showing concern for them, is that we have such a strong regard for privacy in Britain. We all resent mad old bats in the street who make remarks about our children's behaviour/ appearance etc., but we cannot have our cake and eat it. The problem is, if we want other adults to be responsible for our children when they're in potential danger, we have to accept them poking their noses in when they're not welcome and the kids are fine. Nice as it would be, I personally don't think you can develop a culture (at present anyway) so sophisticated that you can have one without the other - it would be nice to turn concern/ interference off and on at will, but I dont' think that's possible. It's a difficult balance.

even though if i thought a child was in any danger it would be a damn the police and go to help them as i hope they would do mine
i was in tescos about two weeks ago and i saw a three year old run of from his parents they called him back but he didnt return and they showed no movement of going to get him i saw exactly where he went to and when i pointed out to his parents where he was so they wouldnt be worried as i know i would have been they just looked at me and said so! even though i dont blame the child for what happened it does make me think twice before saying anything now unless i think the child was in danger of hurting him/herself i wasnt expecting a medal or anything just a thank you would have been nice out of curtosy

If I see a child crying in the supermarket, I will always stop and ask what the matter is. 9 times of 10 they have lost their parents. I will take the child to the customer services or to a member of staff.
I have lost Ds once while at the seaside and Dd2 while picking up DS and Dd1 from school. I hated that feeling of dread, and was grateful for the people that helped me look for them.
If a child is lost in a place that is huge, ie. market or town centre, I will stand with them till their parent finds them. I am lucky that no-one has had a go at me for it, so I will continue to do this.

i was once shopping and took ds to have a look at the toy aisle. there were no other people there, just a little boy, around 2. i stood there watching him out of the corner of my eye for what seemed an age, wondering what the hell to do and looking around for his parents. just as i was about to speak to him, a parent turned up and from what they were saying it was clear that while they had been shopping they had left him to "look at the toys". wtf? a two year old in a supermarket? they should think themselves lucky he didnt run off or was taken away.

Caligula- I was shocked at that NSPCC statement that 16 year olds shouldn't be left alone... last year we went on holiday for a week & left DS1 (16.5) here to look after the dog.. (the other 2 had gone to the ILs- 10 mins drive- & he didn't want to go). DD (18) popped in a few times to check he was OK. If you can't leave them alone at 16 do they instantly become able to fend for themselves full-time the second they turn 18?

Absolutely, I just found it ridiculous. Obviously, some 16 year olds wouldn't be able to be left on their own, but some are perfectly capable of fending for themselves for a week. Another example of NSPCC empire-building, I feel.

When a friend of mine was 15, she left home (didn't get on with her ever so slightly barking mother) and was given a housing association place just off the Cromwell Road (should've left home myself!) It didn't occur to anyone that at almost 16, she was too young to cook her own meals and keep herself clean. Obviously, she had a visit from a social worker every week, but that stopped at the age of 16. It was considered that as she was old enough to legally marry, she was old enough to legally live alone.

Our branch of Ottakers has a sign in the children's dept stating that "Children should not be left unattended in this store." Presumably, they have been left holding the baby, if the feel it necessary to put a sign up.

Just discovered this thread, having posted the following on givenup's thread:

"It's all about the ideal of 'community' whereby all children are the responsibility of all parents, isn't it? I mean, a child's own parents have ultimate responsibility but if they neglect that, others must step in (and inform the authorities if necessary). I would never interfere with the way another parent brought up their children BUT if a child's safety is at stake then I don't care whose toes I tread on (though intimidation such as www experienced does complicate that principle). I think both www and givenup have done absolutely the right thing and I applaud you both for having the courage to step in. Too much turning a blind eye and minding one's own business leads, at worst, to the awful abuse and neglect cases that we've all read about in the papers, surely."

Having read this thread, I think WestCountryLass's approach may, sadly, be the one we ultimately have to opt for to do the right thing while protecting ourselves and our loved ones.

Today I was delighted to have my suspicions confirmed that here, generally, people do look out for each other's children. We were going to town, and ds2 was cycling on way ahead. He lost control a bit near a road and fell off his bike. He was OK (and on the pavement thank goodness!) but very shaken. A passing motorist (complete stranger) stopped his car, got out, picked up ds2's bike for him, and was chatting to him to reassure him before we managed to catch up. He didn't hang around for me to thank him properly, but I am very grateful to him for what he did; He could so easily have driven on by thinking "I'm not taking the risk of being accused of something"; and I'm happy to live in this community.

roisin. Glad to hear your ds wasnt too badly hurt

I always take an interest in other kids if we are at playgroup etc and watch out for them. Its surprising how unfriendly other parents can be and how little interest they take in other children, but I will carry on as I am. Mixing in SN circles its common for all of us to watch out for all the kids, even if we don't know each other. I did once do something similar to www (posted on other thread) although it didn't turn into anything lucky for me.

I also always watch out for all kids

must be because I'm so bohemiam

WWW's incident sounds very very unpleasant. But I wouldn't be able to respect myself if I didn't intervene in a similar situation, irrespective of the consequences.

This is what the NSPCC has on the subject.

It has more to do with what to do with your own child but the line "better to seem a busybody than to ignore a child who may be in danger" is apropos to this thread, I think.

I grabbed a child who was running off in the shopping centre today. His mum was pelting after him, but he was surprisingly fast and she had a little girl with her who was trying to keep up. He was about two.

I couldn't have left him to run past me - she was pleased I'd caught him and said thank you.