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Original poster

Boy in ds's class turned up on my doorstep

52 replies

givenupforlent · 12/02/2005 16:39

Ds has invited a friend over to play today. on the way back from collecting his friend we saw another boy who is in their class looking for somewhere to go. He apparently told ds that he would come down to ours, which he subsequently did do. Thing is, this boy is really quite naughty and is left to roam the streets as he pleases and i dont really want ds getting friendly with him. Luckily dh opened the door to him and invited him in thinking he just wanted to speak to ds not to come in and play so now we're stuck with him as I feel I cant just turf him out. Also dont want to encourage him to just drop in when he feels like it. any tips or am i just being a nasty mummy? Ds isnt too keen either

OP posts:
Lonelymum · 12/02/2005 18:21

Oh thank goodness they are there at last! Are you / have you had words with them or are you keeping it all in after WWW's experience?

franch · 12/02/2005 18:24

It is pitch dark outside. I find this really unbelievable

oxocube · 12/02/2005 18:25

Givenupforlent, even though the boy's parents are completely in the wrong and incredibly irresponsible, I think you or your dh should see this boy home safely if you cannot get hold of his parents. There is no way I could turf a kid out in the street in the dark, in the rain. If anything were to happen to him, you would feel awful (not that you are in any way to blame for this situation). Poor sod

oxocube · 12/02/2005 18:26

posts crossed, obviously! What a way to live. No wonder this kid turns up on peoples' doorsteps uninvited.

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 18:39

So, what can anyone do about people who think it's ok to let 7 and 8 yos roam free? Nothing it seems.

franch · 12/02/2005 18:42

Can't they be reported to SS or something??

noddyholder · 12/02/2005 18:50

this is so wrong it is surely illegal for a child to be out alone like that with no one knowing where they are.Agree with the other poster it is no wonder he turns up at other peoples homes when he is clearly not wanted at his own this sort of thing makes me boil Someone needs to deal with this

Original poster
givenupforlent · 12/02/2005 18:51

thing is, if they hadnt been in I would have fed him and kept him here but spent loads of time trying to call etc and then the rest of the time being annoyed that they are irresponsible. I would have had to have kept him indefinitely if they hadnt turned up 'til late but by God I would make sure it NEVER happened again.

Just after he moved to teh area it appears his mum was in hospital and his dad was at work (nights) his sister was supposed to be looking after him but went out and he was left to roam around as late as he liked (even had his own key). Sorry but I just dont want my ds hanging out with someone like this

OP posts:
SeaShells · 12/02/2005 18:54

Poor boy, probably doesn't want to go home, I expect his home life is very different to the way it is in your home givenupforlent.

noddyholder · 12/02/2005 18:56

You are right, but he is obviously craving a family situation and it doesn't make him a bad person just because his parents are It is probably only by having friends like your ds that he will have any chance of experiencing a nice happy family life

Original poster
givenupforlent · 12/02/2005 19:01

I know it doesnt make him a bad boy - im not saying that but I simply cant be responsible for someone's else's child who just turns up. There's no way I would let him out to go home on his own but I accept that it is his parents' choice - he is theirs at the end of the day. If we had been going out tonight and they hadn't answered the phone what could I have done?

The norm for this boy isnt the norm for my son - Im not saying I am right - they are wrong but I am happy with my parenting for my children.

OP posts:
oxocube · 12/02/2005 19:02

Its an interesting question and esp in the light of WWW's recent horrible experience, but how much responsibility do we / should we hold for other peoples' children? Because this boy seems to have parents who are very lax and don't seem to worry about where he is or with whom, should we, as responsible parents (although I frequently question myself here!), accept some of that responsibility or should we feel 'its not our problem' and try to have nothing to do with it? Bit of a moral dilema and not sure where I stand.

Demented · 12/02/2005 19:02

Poor boy, but also poor you being left to deal with the situation.

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 19:04

agree with noddyholder, poor, poor boy, your house probably is very lovely compared to his.

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 19:05

Oxocube, do start a thread, I'd be really intersted to hear what people have to say on this. I'm not criticising you at all btw givenupforlent

Original poster
givenupforlent · 12/02/2005 19:07

over the years I have taken on responsibility for others' children and believe me it gets a little wearing. FWIW I would have done the same as WWW in her situation and still would. A couple of weeks ago when I took ds for his swimming lesson (had to go to the ladies - refuse to let him in the mens on his own) a little girl of probably less than 3 was coming out of hte changing room door on her own into the reception area. I stopped her as there was clearly no one with her and the lady behind me also stopped. The little girl kept saying "going to Bradley" so the other lady took the girl out to look for "bradley" whilst I went into the changing rooms and asked if anyone had a little girl who was looking for this other person. Her mum said yes it was ok but thanked me for looking out for her.

OP posts:
noddyholder · 12/02/2005 19:09

I am not criticising either but we can't always take the its not my problem view.We are all parents and people and I think someone needs to look out for this boy and give him even a little happiness Your son invited him so he obviously likes him I agree it is not your responsibility but I think I would go with heart over head on this one sorry!

Original poster
givenupforlent · 12/02/2005 19:11

thats the point NH my ds didnt invite this boy - he invited another friend

OP posts:
noddyholder · 12/02/2005 19:13

Sorry misread it thought your ds invited him!He probably chose you because he likes the look of your life.

oxocube · 12/02/2005 19:22

Givenupforlent, I am not in any way criticising you. You have done what I would have done and have been pissed off by it (as I would also have been) But I am genuinely interested in what others think about where does responsibility stop. Before I had my children, I would have said without any qualms that ultimately, a child's responsibility rests with its parents. Now I have 3 of my own , I feel a little differently (I think). Have just asked my ds who is 9 and he said 'but all the mummies in our school have each others' mobile numbers so couldn't she be reached on that?'!!! He is very innocent and goes to a small, lovely school. Happy for my ds but it just goes to show the different lives some kids lead

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 19:27

Exactly oxocube, my ds doesn't know what happened to me yesterday (I made sure of that. The other parents otoh had their other children WITH them! THey were scared by the shouting, his dd told him that) but ds does know that I found a 7yo alone in the park on Monday and he did say 'but why wasn't he at school, won't he be in trouble for not going?' and wonder more about him. I won't tell him what happened or anything else because I don't want to colour his lovely innocent view of the world either.

noddyholder · 12/02/2005 19:30

sorry www didn't see your posts yesterday what happened?

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 19:31

here, noddyholder

noddyholder · 12/02/2005 19:36

OMG!so sorry for you that is awful behaviour they obviously have something to hide to be so aggressive You did the right thing for sure These threads are really thought provoking which is one of the great things about MN

franch · 13/02/2005 13:06

It's all about the ideal of 'community' whereby all children are the responsibility of all parents, isn't it? I mean, a child's own parents have ultimate responsibility but if they neglect that, others must step in (and inform the authorities if necessary). I would never interfere with the way another parent brought up their children BUT if a child's safety is at stake then I don't care whose toes I tread on (though intimidation such as www experienced does complicate that principle). I think both www and givenup have done absolutely the right thing and I applaud you both for having the courage to step in. Too much turning a blind eye and minding one's own business leads, at worst, to the awful abuse and neglect cases that we've all read about in the papers, surely.

Sorry if anyone has started a more general thread on this - point me in the right direction if so