going mad

[madmummy]

Feel at end of tether this week - very tearful, feel completely out of control of everything / everything is so difficult ... managing dressing toddler + feeding + keeping house tidy-ish + doing washing etc. Really pathetic and I loathe myself for letting everything get on top of me - it's really not that difficult, I just feel like I can't do anything. Haven't felt like speaking to anyone at all, so now have loads of phone calls to make which are 'overdue' and this makes me feel worse. But the very worst thing which makes me feel absolutely lousy, is that I've shouted at my gorgeous girl who unfortunately has been having a bad week too, and therefore very whingy round her unsympathetic mother. She didn't seem bothered, or really to notice, even though I thought I shouted very violently. But I worry what effect seeing me then collapse into tears has on her, and that I am unable to look at her or relate to her normally. And I worry how I'm going to cope when she's talking etc if it's such a 'problem' for me now. Really feel I'm going mad this week. I'm sure it's just hormonal but I'm spooked. Obviously can't tell anyone else, as don't want to be judged, so I'm glad I could write it down here.

Are you a mirror copy of me? The only difference i can tell between us is that i have two gorgeous girls instead of one. Your not alone and believe me I know where you are coming from. If you tell someone who really cares you shouldn't be judged, just helped as much as possible. I've got to the point i don't cry anymore, I can't. I won't go into it but had a traumatic 2 years and feel as though i've no tears left and if i cry i'm a failure ( which i know i'm not really).

madmummy, you're not a mad mummy, just a normal mummy who's had a bad week. I have weeks like that - we all do to some extent or another. Mine are usually PMT related and quite occasional therefore. If you feel yours are more frequent maybe you should see your GP - I'm no expert but it sounds like possible PND to me. I always wonder if I am post-natal myself, then it seems to get a bit better for a while.

Don't be too hard on yourself though - looking after a toddler is hard, it's frustrating, tough, demanding and relentless. Keep posting here and talking about it - it really does help.

Madmummy, I'm sure you've struck a chord with the a lot of Mumsnetters. You are not a bad mum - just the fact that you regret shouting at your little girl shows that you care. Don't feel too bad about the incident - but also, don't be afraid to say "sorry" to her for the way you behaved. She might not understand if she's not very old, but at least it will make you feel better inside.

Madmummy I've also been where you are. I remember shouting at my little boy last year, I was so angry with him at the time but I think I just lost it and overreacted. He cried so hard that I felt terrible and couldn't stop thinking about it - dh and I had to go out to dinner that night with some of his work colleagues and do you think I could enjoy myself for one minute??!! I felt so bad. Look, all we can do is put it down to experience and try harder next time. We love our kids and we are just reacting to the constant stress and pressure that we are under sometimes, so please don't feel too bad about this. I agree with Scatterbrain, you may be depressed and perhaps you just need to seek some help. I can relate to everything you said in your post, so it's definitely not just you. All the best.

madmummy (like the name btw!) I'm not sure from what you say if this is just an ocassional feeling or if you feel like this all of the time. My feeling is, if it's sometimes or quite a lot of the time then you're just normal, like the rest of us. We love them but it can be v hard work and they can drive you to distraction. If it's all of the time you're also normal but maybe you could do with some help? You don't say how old your dd is or whether you're at home all the time or not. If it is just the one time you've shouted at your dd then IMO you're a saint! Tell us more and then maybe we'll know better how to help. If you don't want to that's also fine. You're not alone though. Hope talking here helps.

Can't really add much that hasn't been mentioned already, but please do not think that you are not normal, we all have days like this now, please tell us a bit more about your situation, but if you do not feel in control a lot of the time, then please go and see your doctor, as it could be PND. Having suffered this myself i know its not a nice thing, but you can get help and feel much better.

Madmummy - if you're mad then I should have been sectioned...

sounds normal to me - unless you have been feeling like this for ages and have only just managed to admit it to yourself. If it's the latter post again.

xx

Is it possible to have pmt during your period ? I think that's what I was doing last week. Felt lots better just writing it down. Felt tons better reading your messages - thankyou thankyou And weekend was easier anyway with dp about and in a good mood ! Sometimes it's just really difficult isn't it. But it really helped to know it wasn't just me. Good luck to us all