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Original poster

This is a long shot - trying to trace and adopted child

21 replies

Candlewax · 24/07/2008 00:33

Someone very dear and very close to me has confided in me that they had a son almost 45 years ago and that the son was taken away from her at birth and put up for adoption by her parents because she was a single mother still at school.

She has asked me to help find him.

Now all I have is the month of birth, the place of birth and the name she gave him and his surname (which was hers).

How on earth do I go about finding him?

Any advice given will be very gratefully received.

OP posts:

Ewe · 24/07/2008 00:55

No idea but bumping for you - maybe post under adoption?

QueenyEisGotTheBall · 24/07/2008 01:15

if it is so long ago then you could maybe try something like heritage.com or a family tree website as they have information on births deaths marriages and adoptions from quite far back. maybe try ringing the local council for information on viewing public documents/records for adoption around the time that your friend had to give her baby up.
i hope you manage to find the information your friend needs
xx ei xx

oops · 24/07/2008 01:26

Message withdrawn

MrsMacaroon · 24/07/2008 01:27

there are agencies set up to help and assist birth parents to trace adopted children but you need to be careful about approaching the adoptee direct- many adopted people would feel uncomfortable about this...there is a chance they don't want to be traced.
just google 'tracing adopted children' and several websites who specialise in this will be generated, SWAN is one but they do charge for their intermediary service.

solo · 24/07/2008 01:33

My ex Fil found his sister through the Salvation Army. They'd been separated for about 50 years as I understand it and she is now in Canada.

NorkyButNice · 24/07/2008 02:23

With the information you have you should be able to find his original birth certificate, but I don't think you'll be able to find out his new adopted name.

There's a register where adopted people and birth parents can put their details up and if there's a match you'll get put in touch, but I don't believe any agency would hand out his information anyway unless he's put himself on a register saying he wants to be found.

Good luck

Original poster

Candlewax · 24/07/2008 08:15

Thank you everyone. This has all given me somewhere to start.

OP posts:

gooseegg · 24/07/2008 08:31

My dh could (but the odds are very much that he isn't) be her son. The age and circumstances however are the same. What was her son's month of birth?

LackaDAISYcal · 24/07/2008 08:35

wishing you and your friend lots of luck in tracing her son. I hope she finds him and that he is looking for her as well

gooseegg · 24/07/2008 18:00

Candlewax - it's daft I know, but this thread has been playing on my mind all day.

It must have been so heartbreaking for young, powerless girls who found themselves pregnant in the 60's.

Dh's birth surname began with a D, and I believe his parents kept the first name his birth mother had given him which begins with J.

littlerach · 24/07/2008 18:04

My stepdad has just found his son, from over 20 years ago, who was taken by his mother.

They used Genes Reunoited, also tried Facebook.

Happliy, his son was thrilled to hear form him.

jofeb04 · 24/07/2008 20:22

LittleRach,

How did it go with facebook? I've got a thread on here Re: searching for my biological mum, think I've found her brother etc. Not too sure how to word it to him on facebook!

Candlewax,
Get in touch with your social services, they can support you through this.

Original poster

Candlewax · 03/08/2008 20:32

OMG!

I have just had a phone call.

He is alive and well and has been searching for her too!!

He is living abroad. He has 3 children. He will be given her phone numbers etc tonight and now I am just waiting to hear that he has been in touch.

My friend is absolutely over the moon.

OP posts:

shhhh · 03/08/2008 21:00

what a wonderful ending candlewax...well its not ended as such..probably just the start of "their" relationship iykiwm.
.

My auntie had a son when she was 13 (i think) and gave him up for adoption.....I don't know the in's/out's of it but know that my mum (aunties sil) was willing to support and help her along with my nanna (hmm would have been her brothers mil ..!) as they were quite a close knit neighbourhood..

I often wonder whats become of him. He would have been my cousin and now aged about ............. 30's...... shocked as I keep remembering mmum saying when he would have been 21 and can't believe that was years ago now... !

I also feel sad at how some women had it years ago... Even with the support I suppose "society" made it hard.

Thing is she has since been married x2 and we don't even know if her current dh knows she has a son as they now have x4 lo's..We wonder if she wants to find him or think about him but don't really want to ask..
Adoptions don't always affect the "mums" I guess...affects the whole family in one way or another. .

frumpygrumpyhasPMT · 03/08/2008 21:02

How exciting!!!! I wish them both much happiness xxx.

Original poster

Candlewax · 05/08/2008 00:10

It is actually my Step-Mother and I feel very honoured that she loves and trusted me enough to tell me about him. She was 16 and it was her first "encounter" and it was very unfortunate that she became pregnant and even more unfortunte that she came from a very "well to do" family who considered it a slur on the family name to have a daughter who was pregnant out of wedlock and, heavens to goodness, out of class!! He was put up for private adoption immediately against my step-mother's wishes. She had absolutely no say in the matter. She gave birth and he was gone!

My step-mother is now in the position where she can welcome him with no problems. She is divorced from my father and any other husbands so she does not have to hide anything from them.

OP posts:

frumpygrumpyhasPMT · 05/08/2008 00:19

PLEASE keep us posted, I'm HOOKED!!

Original poster

Candlewax · 29/10/2008 22:10

I just wanted to update you all.

My step-mother has spent a lovely 10 days with her son and his family getting to know them.

Tomorrow night he is coming here to stay the night and to meet me.

My step-mother is over the moon as they are getting on so well.

OP posts:

roisin · 29/10/2008 22:19

What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.

elkiedee · 29/10/2008 22:46

Aaaaah how lovely

rieann · 13/10/2009 14:11

A Mother from the 1960's era baby scoop:

"It didn't matter whether signed the relinquishment papers, we were going to lose our children, one way or another. We were a targeted population. If we didn't sign our babies would still have been taken, involuntarily, thru court termination - and possibly with criminal penalites for us. If we did sign, they would be taken. Same result, different legal processes."

"The reason I mention the 'signing' so much is because I meet so many mothers who feel guilty for signing and they think if they didn't sign they could have kept their children."

"The truth is, it didn't matter whether we signed. In some ways it was like rape. you could fight, but the man would probably overpower you, and he could easily threaten you. If you stopped fighting him, you weren't 'giving in" or "going along with it". You were being raped. The legal defintion of rape includes threats of harm and force. Only the threat has to exist, for it to be considered "non-consensual sex" or "rape'." When I found this it said exactly how I feel my child was stolen from me simply because I was unwed back in the early 70s

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