I have to say I'm more of a doubter of the necessity of this war rather than completely in the anti-war camp, but I found this article interesting and thought I would share:
The Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr Bush
by Terry Jones
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And
so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer
looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to
discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got
everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.
As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in
reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us
off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply
ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my
neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a
pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me,
while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me
to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever
I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about
international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide
bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened
us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll
teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
way.
Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really
nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain
I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing
Iraq.
Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved
it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead?
But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be
terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists,
being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.
Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he
can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some
moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would
be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are
dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd
ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.
My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President
of the United States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good
enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist
masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
entire street to kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my
policy will destroy only one street.