I have spent the last two days sorting money stuff out. Sorting out benefits, banks, paperwork, selling things etc. I have also been cleaning non stop. And looking for work. I have worked non stop since yesterday at 9 am only stopping to sleep 7 hours last night and then to start all over again. I have mopped, swept a hundred times, hoovered, cleaned walls and cupboads etc.
My DH shaved and there are fucking hairs all over the living room and kitchen floors. He is now cleaning them up as he saw I am about to lose it. He puts DS on the potty but then forgets to empty it so I have to do that too. (He did just empty the potty now as he has realised he has been leaving it all to me)
DS has been kicking off at the slightest provocation and throwing tantrums and this is so not like him he is such a happy sweet child. He is almost 23 months and for the record I hate the phrase "terrible twos" because it sounds to me like a self fulfilling prophesy but I am scared I am losing my sweet child. In the middle of a very stressful yesterday though DS told me I was pretty which made me feel great despite it all.
I have a very short fuse the last 2 days I am so stressed. I pride myself on loving my DS unconditionally and rarely getting cross with him but he is seriously winding me up. He also keeps slipping and falling over so I continually feel guilty because I dont seem to be providing him with a safe enough environment but tbh that is partly DH's fault as well as he is the one who keeps spilling the fucking water all over the floor when he is doing the washing up. Yes good that he is washing up (he always does its the only household task I can not bring myself to do) but he needs to be more careful when there is a toddler running around!
I just feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I feel like I am responsible for the emotional, financial and cleanliness welfare of our family. I know this is unreasonable as DH does a lot too. He works full time I am currently training to be a CM and am looking for a part time job to keep us going while that happens. DH shares with cleaning though not as much as me and same with childcare. I just feel so stressed. I really more than ANYTHING want a little bit of retail therapy but I havent got any money.
Ok
rant over. I know I am blessed with a wonderful family who I rarely have occassion to complain about as most of you know as some of you know my DH as well and I dont really start threads whinging about DH and DS but today I have just had enough. This is also after the best family day out EVER on Thursday for DH's birthday so I guess you win some you lose some.