Urgen help..I have trapped a live rat under a bucket, what shall I do now??

[Blu]

I have called the council...nrecorded message. DP is yelling impractical instructions at me (ME^!) as to how I should kill it, and it's right outside the rabbits door so I can't get in to feedthem. It's under an upturnd bucket which is weighted down by rocks.

What shall do??

Oh brilliant... This has made me laugh so much, and made me feel much better about the rodent-genocide (mice, thankfully rather than rats, but I've killed a lot) I've been perpetrating over the past few weeks. Cocolepew, your Gran sounds amazing, like Jason Bourne in support stockings

OMG that goldfish story is a classic

Slubber! Are you some kind of serial killer of animals / fish? This fits in perfectly with Simon Bates reading your mind.

I can't imagine a teaspoon being very good for bludgeoning a goldfish

I think if you leave the rat it'll get out....
The nice people at Wiggly Wigglers explained to me once that if a rat wants to get in/out of somewhere it will.
Sorry, and sympathy from someone who found a rat in the wormery.

well actually it was perfectly sized for the job. I wasn't going to hit the poor little thing with a trowel was I? Not a very dignified death. I practiced a sort of squash type wrist flick with the spoon. Worked a treat.

And no Boco, I can hardly be responsible if animals are drawn to me at the end of their mortal coils.

Califrau, kangaroos are idiots, giant bouncing idiots.

I think you could use the lever effect to get quite a good stunning blow out of a teaspoon. I killed a bat once. Didn't have a teaspoon so I used a rock. It committed harikiri on a ceiling fan, landed on my friend's mosquito net, and then bled all over her sleeping bag all night. Poor bat.

Stop it, my stomach is aching, too much laughter! I once caught a mouse under a glass and had to watch it do a sort of horrid Marcel Marceau(sp?) act before I slid the glass across the table caught mouse in a bucket and hurled it into the garden. I thought that was pretty unique, it clearly is SO not!

yes, poor bat. killed with a rock post ceiling fan entanglement. Not a noble death really.

Now I like the mouse in jar flinging.

Do we know what has happened to Blu's rat yet? Has it been "collected"?

Well, it is an ex-rat.

yes, the council - notorious for it's spctacular reaches of dismal incompetence in education, health, housing benefit administration, parking management, planning, regeneration, etc etc is quick off the mark in live-rat crisis management. They probably have a good zombie plan too.

Two cheeky chappies came round, one gingerly lifted the bucket, and the other whacked it with a specialist tool - the handle end of a manhole-cover-removing thing - and the other flipped it into a torn plastic bin-liner.

Sorry rat-lovers - one less rat t get into my house / under the floorboards and cause havoc before dying and stinking the place out. Rats in cages - great - sweet funny intelligent little thngs. Rats on the loos, outside your back door - a verminous menace.

hooray!

Good story Blu. I'm slightly disappointed that they didn't have a very very special rat killing weapon and merely used the manhole cover removing thing.

nevertheless, sounds like a skilled dispatch.

I read this as two cheeky chappies, one ginger and wondered why that was relevant to the story!

HHmmm house trained rats in Lambeth [impressed]

Don't tell Rattus

Blu - his name is Hugo.

Sorry - was Hugo.

My friends very expensive fish were killed by her young neighbour. He wanted to see them "go faster" so he stirred them with a wooden spoon.

One night, irate by DS1's complete inability to put his cuddly toys away, I stood on what I thought was yet another teddy bear in the hallway.

I picked it up and stormed into the living room, brandishing it. He stared at me for a couple of minutes before pointing out I was carrying a rat's head.

The cats have a habit of bring dismembered things into the house.

I screamed and threw it in the air.

Then we couldn't find where it had gone and so we locked ourselves in the bedroom until DH came home to find the head. (Not my best day as a feminist).

At Libra!

My DH went downstairs to the garden as the dog was barking. He came in and said it was a ball that had been kicked in from another garden, he said he kicked it back over. It was 2 in the morning so I knew this couldn't be right. We looked at his slipper and there were about 6 hedgehog prickles stuck in it

Right, that's it. I'm writing to my local council and am going to ask them to send me a list of household services that they will deal with because I am forever getting imprisoned in my home thanks to beasties causing havoc.

Do you think the rat killing squad falls under the remit of the MI5?

OMG Slubbers...I deduct any points I did award you int eh afternoon tea contest last year as we learly cannot have murder weapons as part of teh set......

Califrau, you need to go into the bush. The proper bush not the '15 mins drive out of sydney bush'. Drive along at dusk and the dozey fuckers are nibbling away at the few blades or grass at the side of the road. They get startled by the lights and bounce along beside your car for a while and then they think, "I know, to escape the large loud metal movey thing I will jump right infront of it ha ha ha how clever am I".

And the bigguns will right off your car. Bouncing idiot bastards they really are.

And if you must know I did try all sorts to assist the goldfish back to wellness. The spoon was my final kindness.