Should I end things with a partner whose daughter dislikes me?

[Honeybeeone]

Fiance daughter hates me. I met my partner 10 years ago, his daughter was 10 then and is nearly 21 now. She has never liked me and he has always made excuses for her rudeness saying that shes shy and doesnt want to share him with anyone. We dont live together and only see each other 1 night through the week and on the weekend. Only time I've seen her she walks out as soon as I go in. Ive always brought this up as i wouldn't allow my 18 year son to be so disrespectful to another adult. I know in my heart this relationship is never gonna go anywhere and been told by my friends to cut my losses as she will never change or her father. Just need the strength to do this. Ive lost some of my friends since being with him, I used to be outgoing but lack in confidence and being in perimenopause aswell 😔

The bonus of binning my exh was never having to deal with ex or dc drama..
Ltb and don't look back op.

I wouldn't allow my 18 year son to be so disrespectful to another adult.

Your dp is happy with her doing this to you and doesn’t see a problem 🤷‍♀️.

I would just call it off and I wouldn’t feel bad at all. Get out there and spend time with people who you like, and who also like you.

I wouldn't end it just because of her. If you don't talk to her often, it could be worth bringing her out for coffee and a chat though. You could try telling her you are sad that ye don't get on and encourage her to explain why. Let her do most of the talking. You could arrange to meet at a place she likes. It will tell her that you are making the effort to make a connection. If you aren't overly happy with your fiance either though, then its definitely time to walk

Is there a wedding organised or are you newly engaged ? This girl will never like you because he dad condones her behaviour, i imagine you thought she would mature which is fair but she seems worse not better with age, you deserve a happy relationship bin him he is still excusing her behaviour.

Cut your losses. Imagine the feeling of never having to see, or suffer her, ever again.

Onwards and upwards. His loss.

I've been through this.

If your fiance cannot see that his dd is an adult whose behaviour is immature, spiteful and completely unacceptable, then you need to walk away.

He will never back you, you will always be a second class citizen even if you do share a home.

In my case the SD concerned didn't even get a job until she was 29. I left (with our 2yo ds) when she was 25. Don't waste your years. You deserve better.

No never planned a wedding especially after the way his daughter and ex reacted over it.

Shes not that sort of girl. I wouldn't want to humuliate myself anymore than I already have. I always thought she would grow up but she still acts like a 10 year old. In fact my own son said my partner has got no emotional intelligence. Everything is always about himself

That's exactly what she is like nearly 21 dont work, just babysitting for money and hes buying her expensive cars

"In fact my own son said my partner has got no emotional intelligence. Everything is always about himself"

Well then, don't waste another ten years of your life. You aren't happy. The daughter isn't going to get any better and sounds like your partner only has contempt for you. What's in it for you?

You don't sound like you like either of them much (and from how they treat you, why would you?!) so I say walk away.
You have your own son, your own home, and you don't need this man or his daughter in your life. Let go of it OP and find something/someone who makes you genuinely happy and accepts you fully.

I remarried and my dc would never have spoken badly to my dh....they absolutely know i expect decent behaviour from them at the very least.
She has been allowed to develop into a rude adult. Partly by your dp...

i would have dumped him - years ago - and not directly because of his daughter. But because of what a shitty selfish parent he must be to not actually parent his dd. I would have got the ick so quickly that he seems to put himself first at all times.

Hard as it is cut your losses. Put you first. It has been 10 years and nothing has changed. She is an adult now not the 10 year old kid whos behaviour could be excused. He is clearly showing you who he is.

Now you show him who you are and walk away. Take your power back from both of them. And yes maybe the daughter will see it as a win - but so what, just let her. You in time will be the real winner to be free of them.

Oh sounds stressful, is he worth the grief?

Listen to your son, he has his head screwed on right, and can see this man for what he is. Cut your losses.

Thank your lucky stars you don't live together and rarely see him, ditch him and his princess, you'll find happiness with someone else.

@Honeybeeone It seems that people around you are willing you to walk away from this insoluble situation. Coming a poor third in a partner’s priorities with a side order of hostility (that he does nothing to sort out) does nothing for self confidence. Perhaps you should sit down with a piece of paper and do a cost benefit analysis of the pros and cons short term and long term of ending the relationship to clarify in black and white what you already know. Focus on what’s to be gained by ending it and if you stay what things will look like in 5 years time (hostility from an enabled 26 year old and the same place in the list of priorities of a selfish man no doubt).

The hardest bit is telling him but it sounds like the benefits will show themselves quickly as they tend to do when a hard decision is the right decision.