Anyone else feel like they just want to disappear sometimes

[nikje96]

Feel guilty for feeling like this but does anyone else just feel so unappreciated by their kids and partners that you wish you could just run away???

I feel like nothing I do is good enough for them, I give them absolutely everything and in return all I receive is bad attitude, ungratefulness, selfishness, and when I get upset about it I’m the bad person then feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for losing my shit.

don’t really know what I want from this post but just sitting here feeling like shit and my mood is becoming lower and lower each day I can’t be the only mum who feels like this

Have you considered not giving them everything? There's a pattern of martyred behaviour that is very difficult to experience from both sides, where someone makes enormous sacrifices for you and then punishes you for it. Is this something you could reflect on? Are you creating huge obligations for people? A sort of love-as-burden in your subconscious mind?

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/conquering-codependency/202110/overcoming-a-martyr-complex

I don’t punish them for it at all, I just get upset when I’m not appreciated. When I say I give them everything I mean I do everything a mother and partner should do but receive no thanks.

An example of feeling unappreciated is I took my child to the park yesterday and let her stay for an hour because I’m at work every other day and she doesn’t get to go, she then started crying when I said it was time to leave and told her friends I’m a horrible mum. I’d cooked dinner and put my partners in the microwave so that the cat wouldn’t eat it and he came home from work and straight away said ‘not cooked for me then?’ And then didn’t even eat what I’d made for him it’s in the fridge now. That was just yesterday, this kind of attitude is every day and I don’t say anything half of the time because like I said when I get upset I’m made to feel like a bad person

I'm sorry things are feeling so hard right now. You sound fed up and lonely. Have a hug from a stranger.

There's a step before getting upset, if you can see it out of the moment. There's a way to say no to behaviour without getting upset. Maybe spend some time thinking about how you might set a boundary before you get so hurt. With your daughter, crying about leaving the park is so normal - kids do this - in fact it's all normal but you can set a boundary and help her see the difference between her expressing her honest feelings (sad about leaving the park) and acting out those feelings as an attack on you (nasty words). It's good for her to learn this difference generally in life so it's a bonus that it will help you too.

Its an awful thing to feel, I have been like that many times. I made a rod for my own back but just putting up with it so I was then expected to do everything as I always had done. I then stopped doing al the washing, all the cooking etc and going out with friends to have a bit of me time. Things soon changed, my DD learnt how to cook meals for herself (she is a lot older than your DD though) and my husband also learnt how the washing machine worked. I still feel like running away some days when I get home from a long shift at work to find things just left for me to do but they are nearly house trained now.