Had a six month affair now relationship improved, should I tell partner?

[CatLady2026]

I had an affair. It lasted 6 months we were frinds at first but then it turned physical. It ended this October 2025. It was with a friend at work he is also married qith kids and promised he wouldnt tell anyone. I have been with my partner for 7 years we're in our early 30s and have a 5 year old. I have since changed jobs and dont see the other man anymore. Things were bad in our relationship at the time but now were in a good place. My boyfrind is unlikely to ever find out as only me and OM know but just cant stop thinking about the affair. Should I tell him? I fell like he has the right to know.

What was wrong with the relationship before? Morally the right thing to do would be to tell him, but how would a break up affect you and your DCs? You have been together a long time but you have never married, would you be OK financially? If you need to I would keep it to yourself for a while in order to get yourself in a good place should you and your child need to start fresh.

There’s no right or wrong answer. Yes, it’s shitty of you to betray the person you presumably love, but what would happen if you confess? If he had any self-respect, he’d end your relationship. Is that what you want?

I’d not be able to lie to my partner, nor be unfaithful for that matter, because I love him and it would ruin his life. But I’m sure plenty of people have affairs and never admit to them, and probably don’t even think about it.

Is your relationship likely to survive? It can’t be great if you had an affair. Is it worth plodding on with it just because you’re in a good patch? More importantly, does your partner deserve to be in a relationship with someone like you? I’d say he deserves to know.

Have you had an STD test?

Very hard to say what you should do. Clearly the moral thing would be to tell him, but that may well mean your relationship is over- you won't necessarily increase his happiness by telling him (certainly not short term but maybe also not long term). OTOH do you think it's actually possible that you could continue this relationship indefinitely without telling him, or would you at some point have to say it? I don't think I could live with the secret.

What would be gained from telling him?

Don’t tell him . Your conscience is your punishment.

Tell him. What could go wrong??

Telling him will make you feel better, but him a lot worse. So what will it achieve?
But do check for diseases...

Don't tell
Live with the guilt and do better

So sad seeing the usual MN hypocritical responses to unfaithful females when men quite rightly get their arses handed to them.

You should hang your heads in shame.

If you were a man, you’d be getting a much different response.

You had a partner and a young child, but chose to go jump into bed with another man. Who was looking after your child while you were doing that? You should be ashamed and your partner deserves a lot better. Tell jim
the truth and let him find happiness with someone who hasn’t betrayed him.

I’d discuss this with a therapist, not Mumsnet

Your OH should be your concern now. Do whatever will make him happy/cause the least pain.
Telling him would be for your benefit to ease your conscience. Being guilty is the price you pay for betrayal - you just have to live with it.

This is the third identical thread about this in the last few days. Are they all yours or are there several people asking exactly the same question? It’s very odd.

Sure. Fuck him and his right to make decisions based on reality rather than lies. It's not like he's a living, breathing human being who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. As long as you can tell yourself that you're lying to his face for his own good then everything's golden.

Keep him in the dark and feed him shit - if it's good enough for mushrooms, it's good enough for a man.

Be honest and tell him what you did.
He deserves to know and with that information, be given the freedom to perhaps find someone else who actually respects him and who he can trust.
I hope you used protection.

Wipe the slate clean and allow him a free pass to sleep with someone else if he chooses to do so.
If you don’t allow him the option to do that, then at the very least you’re a hypocrite.

He deserves an honest relationship. Tell him what you did and let him decide what to do with the truth. You owe him that.

I'd keep schtum and try and forget it!

Do you think you’re likely to have another affair or was this a one off? What were the underlying reasons? Were you ‘basically separated’ or still sharing a bed with your husband? Having an affair generally involves pretty psychopathic levels of deception and gaslighting. I think if it were me in his shoes I’d prefer honesty so I could make a rational decision.