Girls at my 7 Year-old-Boy’s School Kicking Boys in their Privates

[Supermom1017]

Hello,

This is my first post here. Sorry for the length of it, but I’m having quite a few emotions to say the least. I've read quite a bit of this site but have never had an account. I just made one to post because I need advice and, frankly, just to rant. My son (only child) is 7. l know everyone thinks their kid is a little angel, but he is truly the sweetest damn kid. He's passive to the point that we are working on getting him some sense of self-worth and confidence. He likes his long hair just so he can hide behind it—that type of passivity. He is also very small for his age.

Anyway, I'll jump into it: There seems to be some sort of trend in his class where the girls like kicking the boys in their privates for "fun." When I asked how often it happens and how he has handled it, he told me something along the lines of (paraphrasing) "Most of us had it happen. It hurts so much that no matter how much you try all we can do is just hold our privates and fall down and cry and can't get back up and stop crying. And a bunch of us get so sick some of my friends threw up. I did yesterday. I've never had something hurt so much mom. But they think it's really funny and laugh at us."

I asked where it happens. This is where I REALLY started losing my mind: He told me it has been mostly during recess, but that once 2 girls went into the boys room and kicked two of them (not him fortunately) down there and TOOK VIDEO OF THEM CRYING ON THE FLOOR. I asked if he'd gone to the teacher. He told me that a couple of them went together and she said (this time I’m NOT paraphrasing because it really stuck in my mind): "What did you do to make that happen? They wouldn't do it for no reason."

We're big on self-defense, whether you're a boy or girl. Telling an adult first is key, but if it comes to it, if someone is hurting you, mom WILL go to bat for you protecting yourself. I asked about that, and he just said (again, paraphrasing) "Mom, when they do it you can't do anything but fall down and start crying. It just hurts too much" I picked him up along with his best friend, and his friend told me pretty much the exact same thing. It doesn't just hurt, but humiliates them like crazy. They're so embarrassed by it.

He just recently told me, but he says this has been going on for some time. Having just learned about it two days ago, obviously I'm not a happy camper. I have an appointment this week with the teacher. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Any advice/feedback is welcome.

They have phones in school at age 7? I’d start with that when talking to the teacher- they are filming in the boys’ toilets, which is a huge safeguarding concern.

Are you in the UK? The way you write sounds as though you may not be, so some of the things people might suggest may not be helpful.

If the teacher isn’t listening then I’d escalate it to the next most senior teacher and so on, I’d also get the safeguarding lead involved, as they should know at that age that private parts are private. And then a complaint to the governors if nobody is listening.

A 7yo had a phone at school?
What do you mean, 'boys room'? It is a boarding school?

Have any of the boys actually told an adult?
You sometimes get the odd incompetent adult in schools that wouldn't do anything, but if this has been going on a while it's virtually impossible for the school to do nothing.

I mean the boys’ room as in the boys’ restroom. It’s not at all uncommon here for kids that young to have phones. I think it’s ridiculous, but it’s very common.

I am not in the UK, though I’d frankly like to be given the state of the US.

I assume 'boy's room' is the boys toilet? Like 'little boy's room'.

I've a very clear memory from being about that age and the head teacher telling us that it was an extremely serious thing to do, that it could cause permenant injury, and it was absolutely never ever to be done unless in an emergency where we were in actual danger from someone and needed to get away.

I'd be coming at this from a pov of it being a serious assault that could cause permenant injury, and they need to keep him safe. It's completely unacceptable and they need to do a lesson on it and really hammer it home.

The phones in the loos - or even at all at school - are a safeguarding risk all on their own. They could potentially be accessing anything on the internet, in contact with anyone, sharing any kind of media and the school would have no idea.

Years ago DD had some incidents with a boy looking under the loo door when she was in reception and the teacher did a talk on bathroom privacy during carpet time. That's the sort of talk I'd be expecting to make it clear it's not at all 'funny' and a very bad thing to do. Although it should be obvious if the boys are crying and being sick from the pain! But maybe they've seen it as a funny thing on a cartoon or something and dont realise how serious it is. Hopefully a stern talking to is enough to stop it. Your poor DS and the other boys - it's awful.

My advice is to go into the meeting calmly with some notes jotted down about the time line of events, your thoughts, and what you would actually like done. This is important otherwise it will turn into a 'thanks for telling us' exercise.

Its easy, once in a meeting, to end up sitting being talked at and getting a long winded apology and forget the points you wanted to get across. So yes take notes with you.

They won't be able to speak about other pupils specifically, only behaviour policy and how it is serving/failing your son. Which is correct.

When you come out - weather or not you are happy with what was said - follow it up with an email to the head teacher outlining what you went to speak about and what was said between you all and what was promised would be done. Thank them maybe, if you were pleased with their response and say you will be asking for your sons feedback on the situation going forward at school. If there is a governing body copy them into the email.

Id be very angry. You can tell them you are, but do t go in guns blazing you get more out of people keeping your jets cool.

Not much better here unfortunately

Hi OP, have you managed to get anywhere with this? It's completely unacceptable if the school are not doing anything about it.

Even IF the boys had done something to "provoke" it (and I'm not saying they did) that itself would still require the teachers' involvement. It's a serious allegation.