Am I being unfair

[MerryRedDeer]

Hey guys new here !! Just really confused im 38 and other half is 45 we have an 11 yr old child together been together for 17 yrs . Today partner said hes sick of being stuck to this house , he does everything and im lucky as I go to work . Which im quite confused about as I get up early get son ready for school, sort our dogs out ect normal morning routine hes still in bed .when son is at school I then clean the house from top to bottom and then sort laundry . Then get ready for work partner lays in bed till 1pm but as of lately hes been getting up early (his early 11 o'clock) so he wakes up to everything done all he has to do is collect our son from school and watch him for 2 hrs everyday. I come home exhausted I make dinner ,dishes and then homework with son .sort dogs and make sure son showerd and ready for bed , I then make lunches and sort his schoolbag all ready for next day . Im so confused at to what hes complaining about he doesnt pay anything into the house or help wi__th the household chores all he has to do is look after our son for 2 hours while I work !! Im so confused with his statements of he does everything and sick of his life like this !! Ive had it out with said to him i do everything and work plus I pay for everything all you have to do is parent for 2 hrs a day . Am I being unreasonable to expect this ? Im so confused about this situation hes currently huffing with me giving me the silent treatment like he really resents me .

Being sick of the house is irrelevant, he can surely go out any time that he wants? The main issue is that he is saying he does everything when he does a measly two hours of childcare a day and nothing else. Why do you put up with this? Can he go out to work? Or at the very least do the housework? Don't let him take you for a mug.

Cheeky fucker

How long has he been doing this?

Why do you think that it is acceptable in any way?

Do you think other people's relationships are like this?

Was your father like this?

What do you think your son is learning from this?

Stop acting like an unpaid slave.

Ask MN for this thread to moved to AIBU (am I being unreasonable?) and you will get dozens of responses.
My view is your bar is very low. What does he actually bring to the relationship?

Prockitwithafork
Hes never got on like this before its just been the last yr .I couldn't tell you what my dad was like as I never grew up with one . My son is a sweet kid and very independent unless its his homework (learning difficulties) as for acting like an unpaid slave i think thats quite harsh as its my home!! im not complaining about doing the housework or other jobs , im merely confused as to why my other half thinks he does everything which isn't the case . I dont mind cooking and cleaning and looking after everyone .I just dont understand why hes upset he has to look after our son for 2 hrs a day !! Because i have to work .And blaming me for not going out . Hence the reason why I asked am I being unfair !! But I can see with the other replies im not being unfair .

Ok you are totally focussing on the wrong thing. This guy is taking full advantage of you and what does he do all day? Does he earn any money? Why not? Tell him to go get a job or there’s the door mate you can walk on out! I wouldn’t put up either such a lazy sponger, let alone someone who complains about it!

Why are you putting up with being taken advantage of like this? The useless piece of shit brings nothing positive to your life whatsoever.

What sort of masochistic martyr cleans their house “from top to bottom” before work every day?

Surely you must know that this isn’t remotely normal?

He doesn’t really think he does everything. He’s just a total cunt.

Im certainly not a masochistic martyr I have ocd not that I have to explain myself to you ! I asked for advice not to be insulted . Like the saying goes if youve nothing nice to say then say nothing.

But you’re focusing on the wrong thing, OP! Who cares why he thinks what he thinks? The point is why are you working and doing everything else in terms of housework and childcare, with a SAHD as your partner? And getting angry and defensive about it when someone says this martyrdom is needless?

This sounds crazy, why are you doing everything while he acts like a lazy toddler?

He does nothing, he earns nothing, he huffs ...can you see how wrong that is?

This. Thats probably the root of the bfs resentment but he needs to grow up and contribute both in housework and paid work.

Hi everyone thanks for the replies. I did have it out with him last night . And he did eventually apologise. Then he admitted he has resentment toward me , due to the fact he has always been the bread winner and due to medical issues he cant work . And that he feels quite useless, so has gotten himself into a rut. which has lead to his mental health taking a bashing . I can understand where hes coming from but he should of reached out to me . Im not a martyr or a doormat by any sense im actually far from it . I like things done I love routine and I have ocd which can sometimes be to much for people .My partner of 17 years is used to me . And he was always good to me and our son just the past year !! (Medical issues ) last night I also seen where the fault lies also and that is with me as well . I took everything on work house my son dogs bills and partner had nothing really to focus on !! And my son hes 11 so he mostly games or goes out to play football with friends so partner has no real focus . I also apologised last night for my part in this . So this morning was really nice he made breakfast and sorted son . while I dealt with the dogs before the school run. IM now im having a cup of tea while partner makes a meal plan for the rest of the week as hes now taking over the cooking . He also said he will ring GP to get the counselling he so desperately needs and will try his best to push on so he can be the person he was all them years ago . Thanks again everyone 😊

Good to hear your update OP. Hope everything continues in a positive direction.

You're not doing anything wrong. He clearly has the issues not you. Is there a reason hes not working? Disability, mental health issues.

Most would say that you are doing this on your own already and 2 hours childcare isn't hard to sort. You sound exhausted OP. I hope you get a chance for a rest.

It might take a while to get GP counselling. Are there any support groups for his medical condition? I’m not surprised he feels lesser as he can’t work.

He was on the phone this morning and he has an appointment next week. So that's a bonus. They have also gave him some numbers to ring aswell , if he feels like his mental health is plummeting . Did suggest he goes to our local church as they have group sessions for dads but he says hes to embarrassed and would rather speak with a professional. Instead of sitting in a room with people we know . Which I can understand hes a very proud man .