Untrustworthy husband

[AmgryWife]

About 6 months ago, I had a huge blowup with an adult married daughter. We’re slowly rebuilding bridges. Occasionally I still get frustrated with her and I will vent to my husband (her father) about certain situations. A couple times he has phoned daughter to tell her what I said when letting off steam. I have told him this is a betrayal. His excuse is that he’s trying to “help”. To me his actions seem very junior high mean girl, like he doesn’t want my daughter and I to be friends. She is his favorite child and I think he’s sabotaging me so he can be her favorite parent. Of course it could be that he’s just an old science guy with zero emotional intelligence and he doesn’t understand the nature of women’s relationships. Going forward I will journal my venting. Not sure if I can forgive him after the second time.

Yes, first thing is stop telling your husband when you’re annoyed with her! Journal or talk to a friend or therapist.

It is quite stupid of him. Maybe thinks he’s helping her to see your side of things but should surely have learned after the first time. If no other red flags I’d assume incompetence rather than malice.

I hope you can mend things with your daughter.

OP stop telling your husband anything you don't want your daughter to hear.

My dad is the same way. I have overheard him tell other siblings stories and blow them way out of proportion, or he will not say the entire situation, leave out bits and pieces on purpose. Then when you confront him, it's all gas-lighting.

So just stop sharing things with husband that you don't want leaked.

Your husband cannot be trusted. Unfortunately, I wouldn't confide in him, which naturally you want to do. I wouldn't mind if he was trying to be a peacekeeper or mediator but he's making things worse and undoing the little progress you've made.

Mine does this. I actually tell him not to say anything and then he does anyway. Says he forgot. I don't trust him anymore and am careful what I say now. He's not the most diplomatic. Speaks before he thinks and can't always think quick enough.