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Had some bad news and my partner hasn’t been as supportive as I’d have liked (quite long)

4 replies

Daisychain67 · 20/01/2026 21:36

I recently found out my DM is not well again.
2024 she had gotten lung cancer and had a lobotomy removing 3 quarters of one lung.
2025 she had a scan and was told she needed radio therapy and completed the course in December. I’m under the impression she hasn’t had any results yet as she hasn’t told me.

She has been really unwell the past few weeks and had a hospital appointment yesterday where she was told the lung which she had the lobotomy on has collapsed. She has told me that it should re-inflate itself but I have researched this and because of her previous surgery it can be life threatening, and my mind is doing absolute backflips.

I told my partner this today when he was at work as I didn’t want him coming home and doing his usual singing football songs and being loud, just wanted a quiet few hours while our DD would be at gymnastics.

He told me he was there for me and I thanked him. A few hours later when he got home I was sitting on the sofa expressionless watching SpongeBob as it was left on the tv, clearly upset as I’d usually be up and doing chores. I said ‘hi you okay’ and he said ‘hi’ put on his headphones, and started singing football songs and walking around the house singing and dancing. He still hasn’t acknowledged anything and I have barely said more than 2 words to him, it’s as if he thinks everything is normal.

I suppose I’m just wondering what people’s views are on this as I feel pretty alone in my thoughts right now, also it’s not as if he doesn’t know how to talk to me about it, he’s always there for all of his friends, he also lost his dad to lung cancer in 2018 so I thought he would have been more sympathetic towards me

OP posts:
bluejelly · 20/01/2026 22:12

So sorry that you’re going through this.
How good is he at articulating/expressing his emotions normally? How good are you both at talking things through as a couple?
He may be not know quite what to say and covering up with ‘normal’ behaviour.
Is he normally emotionally intelligent or not very.

Placetobreathe · 21/01/2026 10:56

I'm really sorry about your DM . It must be quite devastating for you.

How old is your partner OP? Going round the house singing and dancing and singing football songs doesn't sound like the behaviour of an adult. That would be annoying at the best of times but so totally inappropriate when you have told him how upset you are I would wonder about his mental capacity.

Goldfsh · 21/01/2026 10:59

Sorry you are feeling stressed about all this OP.

Did you actually ask him not to come home and start singing football songs? (It is very odd behaviour for an adult man, but I'll skim over that!)

I wonder if you need to communicate your needs a bit better?

Intheorrifice · 21/01/2026 11:00

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