How do I tell my mum I have a stalker

[Teala]

I don’t really know where to ask but I am 20 and I have been harassed by someone since I was 18, since about September 2023. I thought it peaked around November 2023 where he’d call me pretty much everyday that month. One day he called me 50 times in an hour and there’s only 60 minutes in an hour. I thought it would’ve stopped by now. he claims I’m the love of his life, he never really even knew me.

I went to the met police in July 2025 and I feel like I’ve been completely led on by them. They said that any harassment after my report is officially illegal and will be dealt with. After my report they sent him a text which caused him to call me. I sent that to the police they said they’d arrest him they obviously didn’t. I had a solicitor and everything and although she was a nasty woman she said it was going to go to court sometime in August 2025. I asked if they could push it back to September as I am a uni student and I had my first sit exams in August and if I failed them I wouldn’t be able to continue my studies and she ghosted me and I forgot to save her number.

Now the stalker is saying he’s making a movie about me? I’m genuinely so scared. Ive reported to the police they are moving so slow compared to last time. I know he is going to try and tie my name to it. I feel like once it’s out I will have lost what little respect I can have for myself and potentially job prospects because I do not want that tied to my name. The police also closed my case before and never told me. Never even gave me a reference number I feel like they are such a dead end.

I just feel so alone and I really need my mum but i genuinely feel like if I did she would die from the stress as she is quite old and not healthy. If anyone has read this please what can I do

If you're only 20 your mum can't be that old. She'd hate to think that you're going through this on your own.

Are your wider family in a position to help and pay for a decent solicitor?

Google charities related to stalkers and contact them. Tell your mum, better sooner than later.

Can you not get a new phone number? How is the stalker contacting you?

Are you still at uni? Speak to student services. They might offer support.

You need to tell people so you can have people looking out for you.

Contact Suzy Lamplugh trust.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Your mum needs to know

Yes the Suzy Lamplugh trust is amazing. They have a logging document you MUST complete. If you have records of phone logs, backdate all contact to the last time you went to the police. Then contact the police again and explicitly say you have been stalked for 2 years, make an appointment with your Mum and take the documents with you x

Not really but I spoke to a charity and they told me to raise it higher with the police and if the police are still bad then to talk to my mp to be taken more seriously

Okay thank you I will have a look into that charity in the morning

I’ve blocked his number but with three no caller id can go through and with ee they can just leave a voicemail but no ringing. I was advised by police to go through my phone provider to block the number. But I haven’t blocked or changed the number for 3 reasons: 1) I am so scared to tell my mum and that must come first before a new number 2) more calls the better my case 3) I know his movie will never become a big thing but if he was to link that to my name on the internet id be distraught

Definitely complain about lack of support and get in touch with linked charities.

I have been in your situation.
Your mum needs to know.
I had to tell my family, friends, employer, gym etc because he tried everything.
I needed to know that I was safe, making others aware helped.

You have zero to be ashamed of in this situation and I would be telling my mum, friends, family, work etc. get as many people to support you through it as possible. My DH and I recently watched a channel 4 doc called Catching my Stalker this girl had the same issues with the police not taking it seriously enough. I mean may be scary to watch in your situation but possibly reaching out to the victim for advice. Or any details from it that you could use to say look what happened here I need you to take this seriously.

I have to say that I really don't understand why you are worried about telling your mum. Is there a back story to that?

Quite
You seem as worried if not more so about telling your Mum than being stalked. You need IRL support and if you can't get that from your Mum is there anyone else?

She won’t die. Let her help you.

Tell your mum.

I was in a similar situation many years ago, before mobile phones or the internet were really common. I was about your age and he'd have been about 7-8 years older and regarded as a bit "odd" locally.

He was the son of a neighbour, but I'd never even spoken to him until he came into the shop I worked in one day and I spoke pleasantly to him, as in just "Hi, how are you doing". After that he started leaving flowers on my doorstep and writing letters asking me to be his girlfriend.

I was a quite immature 19 and it freaked me out but for some reason I didn't want to tell my mum, I think I was worried she'd expect me to be nice and go out with him or something. She found out when she caught me tearing up a letter he'd put through the door and I told her everything.

Well, mum went straight round his house and spoke to his mum, who apologised and said it would stop, which it did but he gave me funny looks any time I saw him for years after that.

I moved away but apparently he got a reputation for harrassing women and I found out that about 20 years later he'd been jailed for stalking and harrassing a woman in the next town so he just escalated.

Oh, my mum is almost 40 years older than me so would have been getting on for 60 at the time.

What video is he talking about, you can tell your mum. Get a new phone, leave him to keep messaging you on the old one. I'm surprised the police texted him, don't they usually speak face to face. Have you thought about a harassment order, keep reporting to the police every single time.