Page 2 | In-laws’ house is FILTHY!

SarahE9 · 2025-12-27T12:35:04+00:00

My mother-in-law (78) has never been big on cleaning but the last few years the house has got progressively worse. My father-in-law (79) does not cook or clean. Everything is dirty and the smell hits you as soon as you walk in. Recently, my mother-in-law had a fall so I offered to go over to clean but she refused saying my father-in-law could manage, but he has told my sister-in-law that he isn’t doing anything and will wait until my mother-in-law is better. It’s been 5 weeks now and the house is in a terrible state (poo running down from the toilet bowl, carpet covered in bits, no clean surfaces) and the smell is overbearing. My husband and his brother won’t say anything to them. How do I get them to accept the help?

tsmainsqueeze · 27/12/2025 17:03

Heyhelga · 27/12/2025 13:04

I wouldn't be blunt pointing out it's filthy, but more of offering a good deed as a Christmas gift.

I think bluntness is needed.
My elderly mother wasn't doing much cleaning but she wasn't keen on having a cleaner, me and my 2 siblings made it very clear we couldn't be the regular cleaner so we got someone lined up, we were pretty forceful that it was happening and she hadn't got a choice as the house was not clean enough.
They are now very good friends and the house is clean🙄

Original poster

SarahE9 · 27/12/2025 18:58

REP22 · 27/12/2025 14:41

I'd advise contacting their local Adult Services/Social Services with the information you've supplied and ask for an urgent adult welfare check. That can help get support in place. If things have got this bad, it's unlikely that turning up with extra bodies and industrial-strength cleaning products is going to solve this. It may even create a situation of aggressive resistance from the ILs you are trying to help.

Clearing the surface filth is also likely to reveal other hidden issues such as vermin infestation, which are harder to deal with.

If you don't want to go the Social Services route, you could contact their local Fire Service and ask for a home safety check. Most Fire Services offer these for free - a firefighter comes around and offers checks to smoke alarms (if they exist) or recommendations for where they should be installed, plus advice on not leaving trip-hazards in hallways, etc. Often people like the ILs will listen to a person in uniform over and above their own family. The visiting firefighters can also make safeguarding referrals if what they see concerns them.

One other option, though the most drastic, probably - you can pay people to come in and deep clean, quick in and out and will take away any rubbish. I used them myself after a situation had got similarly out of control. They were told what not to take and were highly efficient - clutter gone (good stuff goes to charity shops), surfaces and carpets clean, for a 1 bedroom small property it was about £190 (@ five years ago). But I wouldn't advise this is as a first step though, only in extremis, or once the property is in need of clearing for other reasons perhaps.

Good luck with it, and best wishes to you. x

They d

OP posts:

Original poster

SarahE9 · 27/12/2025 19:01

They did downsize a couple of years ago so the clutter is not too bad.

OP posts:

Original poster

SarahE9 · 27/12/2025 19:04

REP22 · 27/12/2025 14:41

I'd advise contacting their local Adult Services/Social Services with the information you've supplied and ask for an urgent adult welfare check. That can help get support in place. If things have got this bad, it's unlikely that turning up with extra bodies and industrial-strength cleaning products is going to solve this. It may even create a situation of aggressive resistance from the ILs you are trying to help.

Clearing the surface filth is also likely to reveal other hidden issues such as vermin infestation, which are harder to deal with.

If you don't want to go the Social Services route, you could contact their local Fire Service and ask for a home safety check. Most Fire Services offer these for free - a firefighter comes around and offers checks to smoke alarms (if they exist) or recommendations for where they should be installed, plus advice on not leaving trip-hazards in hallways, etc. Often people like the ILs will listen to a person in uniform over and above their own family. The visiting firefighters can also make safeguarding referrals if what they see concerns them.

One other option, though the most drastic, probably - you can pay people to come in and deep clean, quick in and out and will take away any rubbish. I used them myself after a situation had got similarly out of control. They were told what not to take and were highly efficient - clutter gone (good stuff goes to charity shops), surfaces and carpets clean, for a 1 bedroom small property it was about £190 (@ five years ago). But I wouldn't advise this is as a first step though, only in extremis, or once the property is in need of clearing for other reasons perhaps.

Good luck with it, and best wishes to you. x

They did downsize a couple of years ago so the clutter is not too bad. I don’t think they have “spring-cleaned” since then and since MIL’s fall don’t seem to have cleaned at all.
Thank you x

OP posts:

Trainsandcars · 31/12/2025 12:11

Quincette · 27/12/2025 13:10

My parents thought they were cleaning adequately. They weren’t. They wouldn’t entertain the thought of a cleaner. By their late 80s, their house was noticeably dusty, grimy and a bit ‘nonenal’ smelly. I had started to dread walking in due to that smell.

Once I decided an intervention was necessary, I took over my husband and sons and we blitzed the entire house. After that, I forced my siblings into a weekend rota, meaning their (huge) house was cleaned and their bed was changed once a week. In my bossy boots style, I used this as an excuse to thin out things like ornaments and photo frames on every flipping surface so dusting was quicker.

Bizarrely, we all came to love those visits and my parents absolutely appreciated having a spotless house once more.

Wow thats so kind.

Not everyone accepts this help though in which case I think social services.