People who still live with their parents in their late 20s to early 30s, how do you do it ?

[joseline]

I moved out of my parents house finally. At 26 years old.

don’t get me wrong, I got along with my parents well enough but I am happy to move out. Moving out of my parents house almost feels like winning the jackpot.

its not to say I have endless freedoms. I still have to work to live. But living alone is very freeing. I come from a Caribbean household and Caribbean households tend to be very chaotic and noisy. And there is little to no privacy. In Caribbean households, being a family means you shouldn’t mind changing your clothes in front of each other. Which is something I absolutely hate.

there is a lot out there that live with their parents even in their late 30s.

why do you stay with your parents and how do you do it ?

even if you get along with your parents, living with your parents means you can’t do whatever you feel like doing. You get interrupted, either because they ask you to do chores, something needs to be done in the house even tho there is seemingly nothing to do, or they interrupt you to give you shit about one small thing you did wrong or didn’t do. They nag about one little food stains that’s barely visible. They find the smallest most trivial thing to give you shit and lecture you about. One little small mistake turns into a whole lecture.

you operate on their schedules. You have dinner when they have dinner, you go grocery shopping when they go grocery shopping.

and even if they don’t straight up tell you to be home at a certain time when you go out with friends or else, indirectly they force you to come home. You might go out and they tell you that something in the house needs to be done and ask you if you gonna be home late so you feel compelled to have time limits and not come home too late.

meanwhile me now. I live alone. Out of work, I sleep when I want, if I want, I take 2 AM showers, I eat from the pot, rip out the angriest farts possible, burp loudly and crassly, when I cook I add however much seasonings I want to add because I have no other tastebuds to consider. I don’t have to share my food, I can be a lazy slob and nobody is there to give me shit. I can make a mess, forget to put the jar of Nutella back where it belongs and it’s not a big deal. I can go to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink and it’s not a big deal.

I can come home when I feel like it. Overhaul I can be as crass as I want. I can be as poorly mannered as I want to be.

basically beyond work, I have little to no responsibilities.

My ds 25 is saving for a house deposit, so living with us for at least a year more. He has his own en-suite, meals and washing done (he has lived on his own before so is quite capable). Of course he wants to move out but I won’t get my violin out just yet!

My oldest is 26 and still lives with me. He can do whatever he wants. He does eat dinner when we do, and also cooks dinner for us. He's not forced to though, sometimes he chooses to have something different. He does his own shopping for his breakfast and lunch. If he goes out he can be back whenever he wants.

He's not perfect and I may have to tell him to do some washing up, or put his clothes in his room (not even away, sometimes they stay on his bed, but that's up to him) but I don't nag him or lecture him.

Sometimes parents can still act like you're a teenager when you're an adult. I know my mum reverted to being like that when I went to visit her, and I was married with kids!

I'm hoping my son will move out next year. Although he's welcome back to cook dinner anytime!

On the other hand…. we moved in with our son who has a four bed semi near London, 2 years ago. We are away a lot and our house was empty half of the year. We released money for him to be able to do a complete refurb and built an en suite bedroom for us. Also dd gets a house deposit to same value.
We all do our own washing and he mostly cooks his own meals as he is more health conscious than us. For example no salt in cooking at all. No bread or potatoes. No biscuits, chocolate or cake. He messages us if we’re still out after 9pm to see if we’re ‘ok’ and nags if we go to the wine bar for a sneaky drink. The reverse from parent to ‘child’ is quite funny at times and lo and behold if we don’t remove shoes on entry to save his light carpets, something we always tried to enforce before the kids left home.
Our move was supposed to be relatively temporary but when I mention looking at some houses he protests loudly saying there is no need. He is very affectionate and I think secretly loves having us around. We’re still away a lot which helps give us all space.

Your family life sounds like it was quite unpleasant, op. Chaotic, noisy, no privacy, controlling.

Most people live more easefully than that.

There are more people on here with kids still at home, than kids still living at home.
I am a mum to dd23 and dd25 . Dd25 is a perpetual student, has visions of academia forever- so lives in her uni town. But her stuff "lives" here...
DD23 is a teacher, moved back after uni, comes and goes as she pleases, helps out, does her own laundry, let's me know if she'll have dinner with us, do it herself, or be out.

Negotiating your way through the stages of life is up to both parents and child. Living together as adults requires a bit of negotiation and setting of rules and expectations - on both "sides".
We are muddling along amicably, so no one feels they need to move out, or to want to nudge them out.