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Original poster

Pregnant - Help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

19 replies

happydays · 10/01/2003 08:42

I had really bad PND having my ds, we planned on not having anymore and i was on the list for sterilisation, we were using protection, however i have just found out i am pregnant. I am so scarey and do not know what to do. help ?

OP posts:
EmmaTMG · 10/01/2003 08:58

I was lucky enough not so suffer from PND with either of my DS's so hopefully I'll say something that helps here.
Would getting help prior to giving birth help combat PND the second time around? I'm sure there is support for women in your position who have suffered with PND on previous children.
Start with your GP and he or she will surely point you in the direction of the relevent help.
Good luck.

SoupDragon · 10/01/2003 09:03

There is no reason you should get PND 2nd time round. I know people who had it bad 1st time and none at all 2nd time. I agree with Emma, talk it through with your GP who, I assume, knows your history.

Good luck

Temptress · 10/01/2003 09:23

Congratulations happydays. Just because you had PND the first time around doesnt mean you will get it again, although I am sure you know you will be classed as a higher risk. You will be closely monitored this time around and will be suprised at how well the doctors and health visitors are at helping mothers that get PND. Good luck in your pregnancy.

RosieT · 10/01/2003 10:12

oooh, congratulations! I can imagine how you feel, as I had bad pnd after my first ? and only ? birth. But I honestly do think quite a lot of it was down to the reality of motherhood being such a shock. At least this time round, you'll know what to expect. And like everyone else says, enlist the help of your GP, health visitor, and anyone else who knows you!!
And try to focus on all the joy ds1 has brought you, rather than the sleepless nights of early babyhood, which actually don't really last that long. CONGRATULATIONS!

Temptress · 10/01/2003 10:21

Unfortunately I dont think there is anything that you can do prior to getting PND, and as every woman knows that has had it once it gets it grips in thats it. Some people dont have it with the first but do with subsequent and vice versa. At the end of the day at lot of it is to do with the stresses that you are going under at the that time and the support around you as well as you own mental wellbeing.

You may experience slighty symptoms to start with after birth of baby two but these could just as likely be baby blues as PND. If you are not breastfeeding that maybe the doctor would be able to prescribe something for you to take immediately following the birth, although I think they may hesitate to do this.

anais · 10/01/2003 10:47

Surely just being aware that it's a possibility is enough. If you, and your loved ones are looking out for it, then maybe you can get help before it gets bad.

Although as others have said, having it once doesn't mean you will get it again. I didn't suffer pnd with either of mine, but I was afraid I might as I have a history of depression.

Congratulations, just try to relax and make the most of it

RosieT · 10/01/2003 10:53

There are some anti-depressants you can take soon after the birth even if you are breastfeeding - tricyclics, I think ? as they're not supposed to pass into the breastmilk. And I think a lot of research is now pointing to the fact that the support you have around you can have a big effect on your state of mind.

Original poster
happydays · 10/01/2003 10:58

having it again (pnd) fills me with me fear and dread that anything, giving birth it a doddle after that. I felt so low and attempted suicide, luckily my husband found me, it took so long to get over, many years, I really do not what to do. I have a doctors appointment booked, but have read up and i think the chance of getting it again are 80%+. It is different this time as i do not want may special little boy seeing mummy like this (i too have a history of depression), when i have off days and get tearful, my little one gets upset and cuddles me tells me its alright. what would seeing me like this day after day do to him.

I love him so much and can't bear to put him through this, am i awful for not wanting to go ahead with this pregnancy. I feel worse because my sister is desperate for a baby and can't have kids.

Sorry for going, i'm so confused.

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Original poster
happydays · 10/01/2003 11:00

forgot to add, that i have a very wonderful and supportive family, especially dh, and from my experience it can happen to anyone in any situation.

OP posts:
RosieT · 10/01/2003 11:08

Poor Love. Your hormones are probably all over the place at the moment, so you will be feeling up and down anyway (I was in tears for about 90% of my first three months ? and I'd just started a new job, so I can't imagine what they thought of me).
I think it's important to talk to someone to sort out your feelings. No-one's going to judge you, whatever you do ? you've got to whatever's best for you and your family, but you really don't have to suffer alone.
Big cyber hugs xx

Original poster
happydays · 10/01/2003 11:15

I don't know what advice i was expecting, as while i had ds and had pnd, 2 of my best friends (who also had young babies), ended our friendship because of the way i was. I got annoyed with there comments like "cheer up, relax, chill out, don't worry, what do you have to be depressed about your baby is wonderful and your husband is supportive", etc etc, unless you have had it or have known someone who has had it, then you know its not as simple as that.

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sobernow · 10/01/2003 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

breeze · 10/01/2003 11:27

Oh happydays, i do sympathise very much with your situation. I too had very bad PND and ds is now 3 and i've only been off my pills for about 3 months, some people do not realise that its an recognised illness and has to do with a chemical imbalance in the brain. I wish you all the luck in the world, only you and your dh will know what to do. whatever you decide to do i am sure you will get lots of support from us here.

EmmaTMG · 10/01/2003 11:38

I ditto what breeze has said. I'm new to mumsnet and although I haven't been in a dilemma like yours the support I've read for people on other treads is fantasic and very touching.
Whichever route you decide to take the descision will but yours and your husbands and what is best for you all as a family.
I'm sure the decision you make wil be the right one for you and your family so try not to worry about what other people will think.
I hope you get some comfort from the fact that we are all thinking of you.
As I said earlier Good luck and Be happy.

susanmt · 10/01/2003 12:46

happydays,
I have suffered from depression on and off since my teens, and had severe postnatal depression requiring hospitalization and ECT following the birth of my daughter in February 2000. I wondered a lot about having any more, but we did a lot of research and decided to go ahead, even though my risk was high. Before I got pregnant I had a consultation with a psychiatrist who suggested I went onto antidepressants slightly before the birth.
There are some of the newer antidepresants (SSRI's) that some doctors will now prescribe to be taken in late pregnancy and while breastfeeding. I took sertraline for the last month of my pregnancy with ds and am still on it, still breastfeeding at 11 months.
Although I still was slightly depressed this time, it was nothing like as bad as the first time around and I was able to cope.
You dont say how old your ds is? My dd was almost exactly 2 when ds was born, and we arranged for her to go to a childminder a couple of days a week in order to give me more time with ds and to try to avoid me getting too tired, which can be a trigger for depression. We also arranged for a cleaner to help with the house for a couple of months, so that I could concentrate on staying well and looking after the children. These things cost a bit of money but were well worth doing if you can possibly afford it, and I am sure they have really helped in the long run.
I hope you can put your mind at rest about this, and do feel free to contact me if you want to chat about it more ([email protected]). Take care!

sb34 · 10/01/2003 13:12

Message withdrawn

Original poster
happydays · 10/01/2003 14:51

i would like to thank you all for your kind words, i am moving back home today (my dh had been doing renovation work to the house and i have been staying with my mate), unfortunately i do not have a computer, but will go to the library and keep you posted. You have been great and i no longer feel alone.

Thank-you again.

i am sure my friend will figure out who i am now because she posts here too.

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Original poster
happydays · 16/01/2003 09:00

Was not pregnant after all, a bit weird really i took a pregnancy test it was positive, then i came on (really heavy which isn't normal) so all is well. dh decided to have the snip as easier, he was really supportive when i told him, but i could see him relieved when i came on.

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SoupDragon · 16/01/2003 09:16

Glad it's worked out how you wanted it to, Happydays.

hugs

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