2 under 2 advice

[mamaoftwocubs]

Hi everyone,

I need some advice on how people have handled 2 under 2. Some context, I've just had a C-section to deliver my DD and my DS is 18 months. My husband is around as he is currently on pat leave (for 4 weeks). I exclusively breastfed my DS and am planning to do the same with DD so the feeding is demanding right now. My DS is in nursery 4 days a week so there isn't loads of time with him but it's also helpful during this newborn stage. My questions are for anyone who has been through this as well (especially recovering from a C-section) and are partly short-term and partly long-term:

• short-term: I'm still healing and can't pick him up, do bedtime properly, etc. I'm really worried that he'll feel rejected/upset that I'm not there for him as much, or that he'll resent his sister because I'm with her as she's days old. He's been so good about it so far but I don't want to lose the really close relationship I have with him

• long-term: how do you manage your time between them? I want to make sure that they both get the time, attention and support they need/deserve. We'll do a lot as a family but I also want to know how people have managed dedicating time to doing one-on-one activities so they feel special

Sorry this is a lot. I'm only 4 days PP so everything is SO new but the Mum guilt is real!!

NB: I know I'm super lucky that my husband has pat leave and we have childcare for DS

I had 2 with the same age gap as yours. Thing is, all kids are different so you’re just going to have to see how you go and adapt as you go along. The baby will take up alot of your time but your older one will let you know when they need more attention. Your dp will be helping too. Good luck!

Hi OP,

I have two with an 18 month gap and I had a c section the second time around. I would say that keep making a big fuss of your eldest and keep telling him that he is the big brother. I had the baby in a sling as soon as I could manage after the section and spent loads of time 1 on one with my eldest, letting her take the lead in what she wanted to do, play with etc.

They are 4 and 5 now. It’s really tough at the beginning as you have a big baby and a little baby but the gap is brilliant and it gets easier. I have always put the younger one to bed 20 minutes before the older one so I can spend 20 minutes with each of them reading a story etc each night.

Mine are best friends now and play all day long together. They are into the same tv shows and toys etc so it pays off in the long run

Thank you both - that's really reassuring. It's so helpful to know what's worked for other people and where I need to just go with the flow

I had a similar gap - maybe a bit more. But my first DD - I used to go upstairs at bedtime with her, let husband bath her whilst I pottered around upstairs with baby (keep sticking head in bathroom door etc) and then once she was dressed for bed I'd pass baby over to DH or put baby down asleep in crib and myself and my oldest DD would snuggle up in my bed for books and some 1:1 time. Occasionally a warm milk / hot chocolate etc. Something to just make it feel a bit special each evening.

This gave us some good quality time at the end of the day. Then DH would pop her into bed and I'd come in and was able to kneel down and give her a kiss goodnight etc.

Long term, I now work 3 days a week. Youngest is in pre-school those day and eldest is in school. I use a childminder for the holidays.

So when it gets to the school holidays, I usually (once in half terms or twice in summer / Easter / longer holidays) take 2 days off work each week and spend one day with the eldest for some 1:1 time. Pick an activity specific to their age.

As I only work 3 days a week, I get loads of time with the youngest still, but not the eldest.

I find that with the two of them I always pick activities as a family etc that suit both of them. This year I took my eldest to a theme park for the day that the youngest wouldn't have been able to go on many rides etc. Myself and my eldest had a great day just zooming around the rides together. I love solo days with her :) Things like kyacking / a cafe lunch / older play ground areas etc.