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Original poster

huge rows over town v country

51 replies

Mousie · 06/06/2008 21:51

we need to sell our house in london - money problems. i want to live in a town, soemwhere within walking distance to a cinema/ coffee shop. hubby wants village life - a big garden and space. and we fight about this every night to a ridiculous degree such that we are barely talking. it has got completely out of hand coupled with all the other stress we are under (business going under etc etc..) kids primary age so a school move will be essential. any suggestions for breaking this deadlock. I am sahm but not really content with this...

OP posts:
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 07/06/2008 07:57

Maybe look in both places and hopefully you will find a house that you both fall in love with?

I think I have the best of both worlds as we live in a village and get the big garden. There is a train station 1 min walk from my front door with hourly trains (10 minute journey) into the city centre. Also a coffee shop in the village.

So maybe you might find domething similar, or you may find a house in the town with a big garden.

cluelessnchaos · 07/06/2008 08:04

Why dont you rent for 6 months and see how you like village life, I moved from edinburgh to odiham in hampshire and loved it, 10 mins aong the m3 from everything you would need.

BoyzntheShire · 07/06/2008 08:17

sit down and break the deadlock. both state the things that really scare you about the other's choice, and also concede the good things you feel about their choice. from there, once you know the real actual issues that matter to yourselves and each other, you can look at other ways of achieving both yuor aims, at finding a good compromise.

EffiePerine · 07/06/2008 08:19

stop arguing

look at houses in both areas

rent first (good plan atm anyway)

review after 6 months

Original poster
Mousie · 07/06/2008 08:19

thank you all, good to wake up to so many sensible ideas. I think the school thing is my worry r.e. making a not half hearted decision. my daughter (7) is quite fragile at school - dyspraxic, has learning difficulties and would find settling somewhere new very hard, so i only want to do it once to her if you know what I mean. i know we should be pulling together better as a family but we are not. money stress is enormous at the moment, and we do seem to want different things. I have spent the last few years as an sahm whihc hasn't really suited me but getting back to work is not proving all that easy - and my daughter complicates things in this respect as well as she would hate the whole after school club thing - and my salary if i worked again would not support a nanny or more expensive childcare. so it's all a bit crap, and the housing thing seems to be the one thing we can focus our fighting on! also he is sure the housing market will collapse in days and we need to get our money out asap and start renting... hence the move being forced a bit. i feel this is a bit paranoid, to say the least. enough, anyone going to tell me what lovely towns and villages they have found this perfect compromise in??!! New forest does interest me.... as does anything south towards Brighton - but fear very expensive...

OP posts:
laidbackinengland · 07/06/2008 08:30

Somewhere around Lewes might work for you - ruralish but not far fromn Brighton . Expensive though. Why not go on rightmove and do a search with a 50 mile circumference around where you'd like to live. Really in the South there are not many places where you can't access a town fairly quickly and reasonably.

PortAndLemon · 07/06/2008 13:15

Fordingbridge is in/by the New Forest, close to my FIL, and every time we drive through it I think I'd like to live there. It's an old market town of about 6000 people; no cinema but a good range of shops and local businesses.

Mind you, I've not actually lived there, just visited...

Original poster
Mousie · 07/06/2008 19:59

another evening of deadlock, though at least we are talking, just not about the move... i know cosmically speaking it just isn't a big deal - no one's ill etc. etc.. however it does seem to bring up so much intrinsic stuff, this where to live question..

OP posts:
edam · 07/06/2008 20:03

Stripey, where you live sounds fab. Do you mind saying which city?

Original poster
Mousie · 07/06/2008 20:08

i second that!

OP posts:
StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 07/06/2008 20:12

Edam - its Lincoln

Ripeberry · 07/06/2008 20:17

I've never understood Londoners and people who LOVE to live in big cities.
A few years ago i stayed at a friend's house in the Harrow area and i thought if was bloody terrifying!
Could not stand the stagnant air (this was during a heatwave), the noise and the dirt and the miserable people.
Ok you have shops on your doorstep and cinemas, but how often are you going to need them?
People from cities are just too highly strung and don't or just can't appreciate the countryside.
Its all to do with what you're used to, but it would be my idea of HELL to live in London even if i was in a 4 million pound house! [shock}
Even now, i never want to visit the city again, can't even stand going into the center of Bristol.

Original poster
Mousie · 07/06/2008 20:54

i do live in a fantastic part of london - close to a really big park, so feels like the best of both worlds - totally agree about the stale area and traffic and noise and dirt - we don't get that here. which is why we cannot afford to stay i guess!

OP posts:
edam · 07/06/2008 22:10

Ah, have heard Lincoln's nice but too flat for me!

jajas · 07/06/2008 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenElizabeth · 07/06/2008 22:24

My friend moved from London to Hayward's Heath. She wasnt' too keen to begin with but has ended up loving it and making loads of friends. It's cheap compared with London.

hellymelly · 07/06/2008 22:24

After living for ages in central london we moved back to a village in the land of our fathers six months ago.DH was happy from the off,dd1 spent a whole month wailing that she wanted to go to Selfridges(she is three) and I missed London quite a bit,coffee shops writ large,well any shops worth shopping in actually.But I love it more and more,it is so friendly, it is beautiful ,we have a sweet garden and lovely beaches,it is fab actually and now if I was offered a nice house in Chalcott square I would turn it down,country life rocks,(apart from no Abel and Cole deliveries and nowhere to get half decent cosmetics.)

Original poster
Mousie · 08/06/2008 11:03

again thank you, this has all calmed me down quite a bit. bucks not somewhere i had considered before.

OP posts:
jajas · 08/06/2008 13:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMattie · 08/06/2008 13:20

I would imagine being a SAHM in a rural location to be much much harder than in a town. There must be a compromise, no? A small town? A quiet suburb? A bustling village or one close by to a larger town?

ivyJkaty44 · 08/06/2008 13:26

Mousie - you are the one that will be in the actual house and vicinity most of the time - whereas your d/p will most probably be away from the house and vicinity 50 hours of the week.

Do you drive? With petrol going up it would be cheaper to live in a small town. If you can't drive you will be very restricted living in the country.

Could you live in a small twon and at the edge of the town? Or in a town with easy access to the country side - say 10 mis on a bike?

I live between two towns with and it takes me 10 mins to get from my front door to a country lane in 10 mis - I can take my dd with me as there is easy access from the town.

Why is your d/p so insistent on living in a village, what is his reason? could you both list your reasons to see whether you can get around this either way.

jajas · 08/06/2008 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mousie · 08/06/2008 22:07

jajas you are so positive it does cheer me up. I think you get very insular living in a city and assume that everything is scary and hicksville elsewhere - which is clearly not the case. I have just really liked city life. however i can see the benefits for the kids in having more space, and also maybe I too am ready to slow down a bit. however being a taxi driver for the teenage years.... i guess I shouldn't look so far ahead.

thank you

OP posts:
nkf · 08/06/2008 22:10

There must be a compromise. Perhaps instead of seeing it as town versus country, you could list the things that you want. After all, you can get a large garden in lots of places and not all villages are dead.

notasheep · 08/06/2008 22:12

Moving from London to Wales was the best thing i ever did,my children play out in the street.and i do not fear for there safety for one moment.
Hope you find the right location for you