Christmas when you have Zero family

[littleamanda]

I’m divorced, don’t have any family around, and only have a small handful of friends. Most of the time I just get on with things and I’m fine – I work, look after my two DC and we have great times , holidays etc

But, It’s always just the three of us for Christmas. I make it as fun as I can – I do all the little traditions, games, food, movies, the works. The kids are happy and excited and I am grateful for that. But if I’m honest, underneath it I feel really lonely and all I can think is “I can’t wait for it to be over.”

I see other people going between houses, visiting grandparents, siblings, cousins… or people with big chaotic Christmases full of laughter and everyone talking over each other. I would love that. A house full of people. Noise. Family. Belonging. I don’t have that, and sometimes it hits quite hard.

I suppose I’m just wondering if anyone else feels like this? How do you manage the loneliness around Christmas when it’s just you and your children? I wish I could give my kids a proper family Xmas.

Have you read the many Christmas threads on here at that time of year? So many people struggling with their extended families at Christmas!

I prefer Christmas just the three of us, but keep being landed with other expectations of entertaining family. Trying to keep younger children happy alongside elderly relatives who don’t like noise and have outdated views on children’s behaviour plus in-laws who expect to be waited on.

What I mostly do is avoid all the relatives by going to work, then do the Christmas I want later on in the same school holiday.

By being such a lovely mum and giving them such a good Christmas, you’ll probably find you’ll be rewarded with bigger noisier Christmases when your DC grow up! (I sympathise, mine are similar, for different reasons)

It's hard. I did have those idealised family Christmas growing up (although in hindsight my mother sacrificed a lot to make it happen also) but I'm unable to recreate the same for my children for various reasons. It's sad, but I'm coming to terms with that, having my 2nd child helped as I feel my own little family is more complete. I make the best of what I've got, and we've established some lovely little traditions- including going to a local Christingle which helps us feel connected to the wider community. I think you just have to ride out the loneliness and sadness when it comes, and appreciate any moments of joy you do feel. The dark end of year is a funny time, so give yourself grace. You belong with your little family, and I'm sure your DC appreciate you very much.

Thank you x

Thank you. I hope so!

I don’t have any family and spend Xmas alone just me and the kids (no partner) tbh I prefer it but my family were extremely toxic so I’m glad I no longer have to see them but I do know what you mean

I am estranged from my family and my DH family are more reserved. I completely understand the loneliness you speak off. I feel sad I cant give my kids the big Christmas with family that they are connected with, I feel sad that I will never know the feeling of being the child - never feeling the protection or love from a dad or mum. I’ve almost come to accept that the loneliness will always be there, I hope as my kids get older and start their own families they will be able to keep a connection which will allow the family to grow. I’ve never belonged, always the outcast. My husband is here, but he lives in a bubble - happy to do his own thing. Yeah OP - it’s shit, I get it.

I could have written this myself! Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way too. It’s shit isn’t it. Most of the year I don’t really think about it but yeah it rears its ugly head about now x

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters/4874050-does-anyone-else-not-have-a-huge-family-to-celebrate-christmas-with?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I’m sorry OP - that sounds hard and Christmas tends to amplify any tricky family issues. I don’t know if it would be doable for you, but could you organise some friends over and host yourself? You could have a lovely Christmas Eve and Day with your kids but some bigger gatherings over the festive season?