How do you show your worth in your community?

[quillfram]

Hi. I’m a disabled mum, with a son who has just started at the local primary.
Our village is a rather upper-middle type place, most parents of his classmates are in the tech industry or big business - the vast majority have phds etc.
I’m not uneducated, but I have disabilities which have held me back career-wise. I feel like the riff raff of the village.
I’d really like to get involved in some way in the village to show my value really, for my son’s sake?
I know I’ll receive some heat from various angles - I’m not saying those who don’t have highflying careers/money aren’t valuable.
But I still want to set a good example, and perhaps garner some respect or acknowledgement for the good of my son’s reputation as he gets older.
Not looking for criticism, just ideas basically.
What kind of thing could I do in the community maybe? Thankyou!

I think you're just storing up disappointment if you look into volunteering etc as a way of ensuring other people recognise your 'worth' and to bolster your son's 'reputation' because you feel lesser in your village, OP.

If you want to give back to your community in some way, obviously, more power to you, but you will need to see what needs and opportunities there are locally -- and they may not add in any way to your 'prestige'.

I did quite a lot of voluntary stuff in the eight years we lived in a village (litterpicking, cleaning up the churchyard, a fundraiser to improve the playground, coordinating local efforts to contest planning permission for an unpopular new development), but I think the only thing that got me any kudos was when I got the mascot of the local PL team to come and open the village fete!

Most people aren't going to know what you're doing.

I wouldn’t worry too much about what others think — they might be thinking kindly of you anyway.

It sounds like you might be being a bit hard on yourself if you’re calling yourself the riffraff of the village.

Perhaps you could volunteer for activities you genuinely enjoy. Do them for your own fulfilment rather than for others, so you don’t feel burnt out or jaded.

I think you volunteering in your community is a great idea but to elevate your self worth rather than your worth in the eyes of others.

I'd look at the church, primary school, sports committee etc

Best thing you can do is be a happy fulfilled mum - what anyone else thinks of you or your contribution is not relevant. What do you want to do for you?

I lived in a place like this and was one of the few people who didn’t have a PhD and/or high flying career, and it just didn’t matter. Nobody thought of us as worthless or riff raff as far as I can tell. Everyone was too busy with their own lives to give a second thought to what other people were up to. As long as you’re friendly and a nice person, nobody who’s not already a raging snob with status anxiety of their own is going to think badly of you.

By all means, volunteer your time for a worthy cause - it’s a great way to get to know people and find fulfilment for yourself, but as others have said it’s unlikely to enhance your child’s reputation in the way you imagine.

I think it depends how your disability effects you.
You could join the PTFA at your child’s school and help out where you can at the school. That would be the most visible thing for your son and the other parents.

But I would bet nobody is judging you as harshly as you are judging yourself.

If I think about my own village, which has a healthy mix of socio-economic levels, I think the people who stand out as "pillars of the community" type people are the ones who:

• know absolutely everyone, are very chatty, kind, and always remember to ask after your sick mother/new baby etc
• do a seriously useful job locally such as doctor/nurse/teacher (and also are relatively decent people)
• do a lot of NOTICEABLE and individually valuable volunteering. So picking litter/beach cleans won't cut it because a) people don't notice (unless you plaster yourself boastfully all over social media) and b) while we all appreciate a clean environment it doesn't massively affect individual people's lives in the same way as eg coaching the football team/starting a youth club/cooking hot meals for the vulnerable in a power cut. If people are really grateful for your charitable activities, they talk well of you to their friends and neighbours and you get a reputation.

That sounds cold, but I think it's probably pretty much on the mark. Most people's motives are probably genuinely selfless, but in doing noticeably community-minded things they do gather kudos/respect locally.