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Family dramas

11 replies

Fallingforautumn · 10/10/2025 07:12

My Mum has an unhealthy obsession with my younger brother, he’s now approaching his 20’s, she lives her entire life around him & also expects everyone else too.
he treats her badly, has done from being young but got worse throughout his teeens, he’s trashed the house several times, hit out at family, swears at her daily just treats her rotten but she still does every single thing she can for him in terms of running round, if he wants a certain meal she’ll run out to the shops for it, she’d even eat poorly if it meant he got the best, she drops anything to take him somewhere, she doesn’t spend time with my children as she’s so consumed with him, if he texts she’ll say I’ve got to go he needs x y & z.
hell text saying bring me something upstairs she’s straight on and runs up, his meals are delivered to his door she even collects the empty plates.
the majority of her wage goes on him even though he earns more than her she pays for everything.
its always around him, every single conversation comes back to him with her she can’t keep him out her mouth, a lot of the times though she creates the situation for herself like she’s wanting him to react or she puts herself in situations where she will volunteer to do things for him when he’s not asking, for example he’s not hungry and we say oh shall we have a Chinese and she’ll say no you can’t that’s not fair on him, or she’ll not leave the house in case he rings for a lift it’s like she wants to be at his service it’s so bizarre.
I can’t tell you the things she done for him over the years, these are just a few things, I’d had a section after my second last year & my husband had gone working away the days after so she’d come up and my brother had text her saying he’s no bedding on so she said I need to go it’s not fair he needs bedding.
anytime we speak she mentions him and can’t stop saying how much she dislikes him yet she voluntarily goes out her way to do things I can’t understand it.
she always says she has no money but it’s because her wage is going on him but she’s making sure it does, he doesn’t ask half the time she chooses to but then can’t stop complaining that she’s no money because of him.

it’s driving me crazy as we can’t go a conversation without him being the topic.
just letting off steam…

OP posts:
Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 07:32

Why so agitated now about what’s been going on for decades?

Sounds weird and a bit sinister

leave them to it

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 07:33

You don’t ever use her for childcare do you?!

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 07:34

Where’s your father in All this?

Fallingforautumn · 10/10/2025 08:00

I think it’s ramped up that’s why I’m just finding it so suffocating she’s doing more now than ever and won’t stop talking about him and being so so negative, any conversation can be good news, funny it always turns dark and negative and somehow she can find a way to relate it back to him but I don’t know how she finds a way to do so.
He is there but he doesn’t speak to him because of he how’s been treated by him and doesn’t know the half of what she does for him the parts he does know he doesn’t understand why she’s doing it he’s absolutely right in what he’s saying.
No childcare no we don’t.

OP posts:
CC222 · 10/10/2025 08:01

By idolising him like this, seeing to his every need, and having zero boundaries in place, she is creating a narcissist out of him. This whole situation is very unhealthy. Why is she unable to set some healthy boundaries? I think therapy would help her, if she can pull herself away from the man child for long enough…
This must be hurtful for you too. Very clear favouritism going on.

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 08:04

Fallingforautumn · 10/10/2025 08:00

I think it’s ramped up that’s why I’m just finding it so suffocating she’s doing more now than ever and won’t stop talking about him and being so so negative, any conversation can be good news, funny it always turns dark and negative and somehow she can find a way to relate it back to him but I don’t know how she finds a way to do so.
He is there but he doesn’t speak to him because of he how’s been treated by him and doesn’t know the half of what she does for him the parts he does know he doesn’t understand why she’s doing it he’s absolutely right in what he’s saying.
No childcare no we don’t.

So… stop seeing her so much and talking with her so much.

it is that simple

and presumably she’s too busy with your brother to be bothered anyway

Fallingforautumn · 10/10/2025 08:09

You’re absolutely right I try to avoid conversations or at least change subjects but it’s like she’s craving you to react and I just can’t it’s too negative too draining.
yeh she has created it, and fuelling it by adding to it all the time.
I just needed to let it off my chest because it is upsetting for me and my children it’s certainly impacted there relationship to as she will say she’s no time for anything else but she can’t see she is choosing to do what she does it’s like an addiction

OP posts:
Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 12:46

This is all bizarre op

I would actively be avoiding being around your mother let alone my children around her! She sounds very odd

Thatmoves · 10/10/2025 12:47

She’s been an appalling parent to him and is now suffering the consequences

Grammarninja · 10/10/2025 13:36

Watch 'When Missing Turns to Murder' on Netflix, season 2 episode 4. Eerily similar situation.

jeaux90 · 10/10/2025 13:38

Does your mum not realise that a parents job is to bring up an independent adult?

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