Broody at 42 after ppd and psychosis

[sas758]

Hi all, my history as briefly as possible...... I have 2 children by my previous partner of 15 yrs (aged 10 and 6) I had pnd on the first (untreated) and severe pnd with psychosis on the 2nd where I was admitted to a MBU for approx 2/3 months. I met a new partner 5 yrs ago who has no children of his own but now considers mine as his own (their biological father sees them once a week, our relationship is rocky at times) . New partner is amazing with my girls and I couldn't ask for any more from him. He has stated he wants a child of his own and is 3 yrs my junior, but his last long term girlfriend (after 3 healthy births with someone else) had 2 miscarriages by my current partner. We have been having unprotected sex for 5 years now and nothing has happened, so could possibly be him as much as me, I just accepted this at the beginning of our relationship and admit to being careless and thinking my body would know best to not get me pregnant (hence no protection) again and so far I'm correct. But I now find myself desperately broody and wanting a baby with him. I feel both terrified but informed due to my previous experience. At 42.... Am I out of my mind ? What are your experiences after PPS ? And ppd ? Being an older mum etc ? I feel like this is last chance saloon but having not used protection for 5 yrs there's going to be more than natural methods needed. Throw all you have at me ! My mind is fried at present 💝

I’d focus on the kids you have. I have 2 kids and got post partum psychosis after DC2 which led to a bipolar diagnosis. I would love more kids but it’s more than just my wants at play. There is a very good chance you will get it again once you’ve had it once. It is likely to affect you differently a second time. Who will look after your oldest two if you have PPP again? Or even if you’re just distant with them from PND? Who will meet their needs fully in every way while your new partner is focusing on you and the new baby?

I wouldn’t have a third now because I wouldn’t want my kids to ever see that and it takes so much time and effort to get help, and there aren’t always beds (in my case I couldn’t get a bed) which increases the risk of your kids being exposed to traumatising behavior. Looking after someone who is having a psychotic episode takes a massive toll.

And then you’ve got more kids to look after when you get better, more childcare to pay for and organise and more mental load so you can go back to work, higher food bills etc meaning you need to be well enough to work more hours unless you’re already a high earner, because all the pressures that affect well families also affect families where there is mental illness at play.

Think of your existing kids and your partner, and get some condoms asap! Sorry this is probably not what you want to hear but I’ve thought on this a lot and it’s not a good idea.

Having another child would not be a sensible decision. You have two already who need you to be well and healthy.

You two existing children need you to be fit & healthy. Having another would be selfish im sorry.

This needs to be a head over heart decision. I agree with previous comments.

Quit while you are ahead.

You are at an age where biology ramps up. I remember desperately wanting another child in my forties and thank bloody god I didn’t. It is nature’s trick to try and make you conceive before you lose fertility - last chance and all that. I can’t even imagine having a 10 year old child now in my fifties and post menopause and am so grateful I didn’t do it. Don’t do it!!!!!

Thank you all so much for your replies, deep down I think I knew it would be the wrong decision to have another, your words have just confirmed this for me. Definitely a matter of head over heart. And I need to remember how far I've come since I had my last daughter.
As you said putting myself back in that position is a recipe for disaster that will not only affect me, I need to think about my 2 girls and put them before any of my wants 😊