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What's your thoughts?

6 replies

Shaunansco12 · 22/09/2025 14:12

Long one but ill keep it short.
Growing up my dad was a absolute dick to me, he used to wind me up, call me fat, pin me down and blow down my nose, call my mama and grandad because I was so close to them. Many other dickhead things to many to right. My mum left him when I was 15 im now 34. When he left I got on better with him, I very really see him only to drop cards of at birthdays and Christmas still to this day when I do have to go around I get an overwhelming sence of anger and anxiety about it. My kids do not get out the car if I have to take them because although I no he wouldn't dare say or do anything to my children like he did to me I just hate the thought of what he did and just dont want my kids around that. Well anyway, he keeps asking me to borrow him money. I have done in the past and he always gives it back. Even though it winds me up because that is the only time he messages me when he wants something, I just feel guilty saying no, I would never want to see someone struggle for money. But all his messages end with dont tell so and so (his wife) that you've borrowed it me. Iv woke up to a text this morning asking to borrow until friday it's becoming more frequent and asking for more each time. Im not making myself short or anything if I was to give it him but I just wanted to see other people's perspective on it and what would you do.

OP posts:
thisoldcity · 22/09/2025 15:15

It sounds as if you don't owe him anything, @Shaunansco12. Why does he need the money? What would happen if you just texted that you can't help this time?

ThreePears · 22/09/2025 15:27

He was way more than an absolute dick to you when you were growing up. He was physically and emotionally abusive towards you.

The only answer now to him wanting to borrow money is a flat 'No'.

Perhaps you might also like to consider whether you actually want to carry on seeing him at all. There are a lot of threads on Mumsnet with 'Stately Homes' in the title - and they are to support people with toxic parents. Maybe you could have a look at those as it might open your eyes to just how very abusive he was. He is still trying to control you with all these money demands.

You are totally right in keeping your dc away from this horrible man.

Shaunansco12 · 22/09/2025 16:33

thisoldcity · 22/09/2025 15:15

It sounds as if you don't owe him anything, @Shaunansco12. Why does he need the money? What would happen if you just texted that you can't help this time?

I dont know why he wants the money. Nothing would happen if I didnt send it to him, im just 2 nice and can't say no lol he has 2 other children that he lives with that are 14 and 17 and my mind just goes straight to what if hes asking for it for them if they need bits for school etc I would never see anyone without. X

OP posts:
Shaunansco12 · 22/09/2025 16:39

ThreePears · 22/09/2025 15:27

He was way more than an absolute dick to you when you were growing up. He was physically and emotionally abusive towards you.

The only answer now to him wanting to borrow money is a flat 'No'.

Perhaps you might also like to consider whether you actually want to carry on seeing him at all. There are a lot of threads on Mumsnet with 'Stately Homes' in the title - and they are to support people with toxic parents. Maybe you could have a look at those as it might open your eyes to just how very abusive he was. He is still trying to control you with all these money demands.

You are totally right in keeping your dc away from this horrible man.

Yes completely agree with everything you've said. And if I can get away with just posting it through the letter box I do. The anxiety is to much for me when I no I have to drop a card off, so I see very little of him anyway. I just have this guilt in me that says what if he genuinely needs it for food or something he lives with his wife and their 2 kids they are 14 and 17 and if he needed it for them I'd feel guilty not borrowing it. I need to grow a set I think 🤦🏻‍♀️.but thank you for letting me know about the other threads ill have a look at them. X

OP posts:
thisoldcity · 22/09/2025 16:49

It's time to say no now. Honestly, you need to stop feeling guilty about him and draw a line. He's so nasty you quite rightly don't even want your own kids to see him and I think that says a lot. The fact that he pays you back each time is irrelevant, you don't need to do what he asks you any more. It's more money each time and more frequent you say, and that's him pushing you more each time until in the end you will have to say no at some point.

ThreePears · 22/09/2025 20:27

Shaunansco12 · 22/09/2025 16:39

Yes completely agree with everything you've said. And if I can get away with just posting it through the letter box I do. The anxiety is to much for me when I no I have to drop a card off, so I see very little of him anyway. I just have this guilt in me that says what if he genuinely needs it for food or something he lives with his wife and their 2 kids they are 14 and 17 and if he needed it for them I'd feel guilty not borrowing it. I need to grow a set I think 🤦🏻‍♀️.but thank you for letting me know about the other threads ill have a look at them. X

He is manipulating you into feeling guilty. That is in itself abusive.

You are not responsible for him or his family. If they have no food, then they can go to a food bank and/or apply for benefits. They are not your responsibility. Not in any way, shape or form.

You need to tell yourself to stop feeling guilty, and find your inner anger that he is still abusing you. Don't let him win.

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