Guilt over child never being abroad

[Una22]

Hi, I have a 11 and a 4 year old. Feel guilty especially on the 11 year old as he has never been abroad. He doesnt mention anything to be fair, most years we go away in the UK but it seems everyone I speak to takes their children abroad but we just cannot afford it or justify the cost of the moment as we are saving for a house and due to the fact they seem happy enough going away in the UK, it seems daft spending thousands on a holiday abroad. Has anyone else never taken their kids abroad? Feel like we are the only ones! The 4 year old is such hard work too and I honestly couldnt think of anything worse!

Plenty of children haven't been abroad. We took ours to France from very young but plenty of their friends didn't go till later or haven't been.

Where do you live? If you do something like Eurocamp in Northern France, you only really have to drive to Folkestone for the tunnel.

You could also try the Isle of Man (technically a separate county) or Ireland. Short flight or a ferry journey.

My dd didn't go abroad until she was 16. Its fine. Don't let comparison be the thief of joy.

I'm 41 and have never been abroad and I somehow haven't dropped dead yet?:don't get the obsession with it if you can't afford it you can't afford it?

i didn’t go abroad until i was 13 and it was a school trip. We finally went as a family the year after. We also didn’t afford uk holidays that often either. i grew up in the 80s/90s and money was tight, especially my earlier childhood. I was fine. I understand why it’s harder now in some ways.
Could you book and save or pay one off over a long term if really feel it’s needed?

I love travel now.

Edited to add that my memories of butlins, centre parcs, uk sea side etc are still very much happy ones 30 years later. While not always in the moment, memories do count so much.

I think if your kids are happy with what they do then carry on. If it fits don’t change it. Maybe think about saving a tiny amount if you can that will build so when they are a bit older you have it as an option but not everyone goes abroad. I’d imagine that with the ever rising col that many don’t even have a holiday right now.

My girl is 17 and has never been abroad.
She doesn't care. I don't even think it's on her radar to think about about.

my dc only went abroad twice
once they earned their own money they have all been abroad, including living abroad for 3 years
dont worry about it

I didn’t go abroad until I was in my 30s; parents couldn’t afford holidays at all, and I was working to save rather than spend when I left home. You know your kids would find travelling stressful at the moment, you’re taking them places they can manage, so it’s really not something you should feel guilty about. Maybe you can plan for a holiday abroad when they’re older and better able to handle it?

I’ve taken mine places and some they don’t even remember! Don’t worry about it - as others have said they are lucky to have a holiday at all, and if you’re having a good time in the UK and a shorter journey is less stressful you’re probably going to enjoy that more.

As long as your kids are loved and and their needs are met and you do fun stuff in the UK they won't care about never having been abroad.

Having said that, I've got an 11 and 9yo and we only went abroad for the first time this year.

Just to give you an idea of cost, the one thing people are missing is passports, these are
Kids £60 x 2
Adult £95

We decided to not go very far and found a mobile home holiday park type place on the beach less than an hour from Calais.

Dover - Calais Ferry cost £220
Holiday park for a week £750

Obviously then there is the cost of fuel and food for the holiday, but that's the same as the UK.

But I also take your point about the 4 year old, holidays are just more stressful at that age and it's definitely worth talking the easiest option!

When they're small, abroad usually means an all inclusive. Sea and swimming pools can be found in the UK so mostly they've missed out on the sunshine. Of course alot of people take their kids abroad and they are exposed to other cultures but the all inclusive doesn't bring that anyway.

You can perhaps take them in a few years after your house is purchased to explore a bit and they'll be a good age to see and understand ehat they see overseas.

Depending where you are but there are ways to take kids away cheaply to cities in Europe for a bit of a different culture and a holiday, cheap and short flights idealnfor weekend jaunts.

For example flying to Oslo in December, you get snow, can catch a metro to the Nordmarka forest and play in a winter wonderland, if you time it right two weekends in December there's a huge Christmas Market in the Folk Museum so it's like a little taste of Lapland, and it's a small city so you can do all that in two days.

at 4 all they want is a playground

My kids and me have never been abroad and I never will

Hey OP, I have 15 yr old twins, both autistic. They have never been abroad and haven't actually even been to a British beach for years.

I've talked to them both several times this summer and they're emphatic that they have no interest in either. I might try and get them to a beach during the quieter seasons, but honestly, I think we'd drive there just to spend five minutes and they'd be done! I just don't think it's their thing.

Same with travel. Zero interest. They find any kind of travel really stressful. They're both just happy pottering around close to home. Maybe someday that will change, maybe it won't.

I'm also autistic and ADHD, and honestly, I think travel is vastly overrated. There are elements of going on holiday overseas that are very nice, but for me, the good bits just don't make the rest of it worthwhile. I've done plenty of travelling in my lifetime, mainly because I thought I should, and I can't say I ever especially enjoyed it.

In the modern world, and especially on sites like MN, you can feel like a failure if you're not constantly seeking to broaden your horizons and visit new places. But I just think that's not for everyone, and that's OK.

Maybe have a conversation with your older child and see if it's something they're keen to experience. If so, maybe a day trip or something to France as a starter? But don't make them feel as if it's something they HAVE to do, or that they're a failure if they have no interest in it.

Editing to add: there's a good MN phrase that I really like: comparison is the thief of joy. You sound like you're giving your DC a lovely childhood, don't compare with others 💐

Mmm, I might be wrong but I think there's something to be said for children NOT being used to going abroad regularly as young children.

My very well travelled DB has a young son who has been abroad more than I have but he won't remember any of them (he's 4)! Will he be immune to how fortunate he really is? The excitement of going on a plane for the first time? That won't be a memory he has.

My DC had never been abroad until they were 16 because a) we're farmers so it's hard to get away and b) one of our DC is severely disabled.we did do the whole UK camping and center parcs thing.

Our other 2 DC got to 16 and have now been abroad with friends and the excitement was palpable! The eldest 2 years later has now gone backpacking round the world with a pal!

I always did have a bit of guilt earlier in their childhoods but they have never made me feel guilty and are excited by travelling in future. Maybe moreso than a lot of their peers because it's such a massive new novelty for them?

Don't feel guilty OP, it's a bunch of peer pressure and FOMO!

I hadn’t travelled at all as a child (grew up in the states). My mother was home with us and we didn’t have any extra money so we didn’t go on holiday at all. Once every few years we’d visit my awful uncle and I didn’t enjoy that at all. At 25 I immigrated to Scotland and went anywhere Ryanair would take me for years. There’s plenty of time for either of your children to travel and no reason to get another job just to do something you don’t want to do.

I don't think you should feel any guilt for not going abroad with your DC. You do what you can afford. However, I don't think it's much more expensive to go abroad then to a UK holiday. A caravan in Cornwall can be almost 2k for a week then you have spending money/food. I paid £2.5 for 4 of us all inclusive in Lanzarote which has a water park on site. Won't need much spending money either. I took the kids to skeggy for a long weekend and spent £700. The caravan was my friends too so very cheap!

Thousands? I paid £1,600 for 5 nights. It was only the one kid tho so yeah it will be a bit more.

I make 2k/month.

I went to a travel agent and paid a couple of hundred a month over about a year.

Spain. Off season so cheaper. I prefer to leave the UK in winter and stay in summer.

My 12 year old hasn't been abroad either.

I do like the 'if you can afford a UK holiday you can go abroad '.

Last year we paid less than £100 for a caravan holiday in our October holidays. We go camping for around the same in the summer.

We do Premier Inns at £45 a night.

I also need to fly from a very expensive airport (Scotland) or travel nearly three hours to the next one which often requires a hotel stay to facilitate travel times.

I am thinking of Eurocamp but it's not comparable to the price we pay for a UK holiday.

Perhaps if you live in a city these things are closer but it's definitely not my experience.

I don't feel guilty about it. My kids go away in virtually every holiday and have had some great experiences.

Other people travel half way across the world to enjoy what we have on our doorstep. They can climb hills, watch dolphins or seals, they've been to castles and museums. They can find enjoyment in a woodland tractor on an empty beach.

Yes one day I'd like them to experience other cultures but they'll get more out of it a couple of years. And I'm not sure most all inclusives really are about experiencing that. Most people go for the sun and the pools.

I didn’t go abroad until I was 18, and that was because another family paid for my passport and travel.

I understood that my parents just didn’t have the money.

Your kids will be fine not going abroad xx

My kids have never been on a plane - we've done a few trips abroad on Eurostar and middle one always says she prefers our UK holidays!

I never ever understand when people say holidays abroad are cheaper than in the UK. We are a family of 5 and our budget for our summer holiday is about £1.5k. I've not yet found a week abroad for 5 people for that 😂

I feel sad about it too OP but it is what it is. We can't afford a holiday abroad so we have nice holidays in the UK instead. We had an amazing week in Yorkshire this year ❤️

Mine are 11 & 15 & never done it. I was last abroad about 20 years ago. I want a nice holiday abroad for the cost not eurocamp & trains or ferries then driving. I’d rather load the car & go somewhere in the uk if my only choice is abroad “cheaper” this year my husband ended up away with work a lot of the summer so it was smaller trips at home. Maybe next year she’ll be on one before 16 if she does the school trip. I was 13 when i went to spain the one & only time my parents took us abroad!

Agree with others that UK holidays are no cheaper, so YABU for assuming they are.

Allbymyself123 , THANK YOU SO MUCH! You have made me feel less alone. I am the same, I want a nice holiday and dont want it involving lots of trains or ferries. I see it as I might as well load the car and go somewhere in the uk! You have made me feel so much better thank you

Weird response. Why would you assume her kid will take GCSE french? It’s not 1997 😅