Child arrangement order

[OneBluePombear]

Does any one have an experience regarding what a court would typically suggest in terms of a dad's child arrangements.

After months of ignoring attempts to arrange having the kids, he has suggested Monday and Tuesday. Days when they are at school.
This is not what I would choose as he will hardly see them. Also, he is very unreliable and has previously not opened the door to me /answered the phone after saying he would look after them.
I'm at work on those 2 days and can't arrange childcare at short notice if he decides he's not having them.

If we begin this arrangement now, will a future judge at court say I have to continue this as it has set a precedent and it is what the children are used to?

What is your suggestion?

I think you should say ‘can you guarantee you wouldn’t cancel and if they’re off sick then you sort it ‘ get some reassurance and then start with every other Monday if he sticks to that then every Monday agreed etc

Thing is you can’t force him to have the children, as shite as that is, he doesn’t have to engage in the process and therefore one probably wouldn’t be issued.

If he doesn’t stick to it then he’ll never get a chance to have it become the new normal. And if he’s unreliable you can show what the normal actually is

Thanks everyone.
I would probably suggest every other weekend

It doesn’t sound like he’s overly bothered about seeing the kids so why are you worried about a child arrangement order? Has he said anything about this?
Very much depends on your situations and what you both ask for. Weekends are far more likely to be granted though. I’ve never heard of every Monday or Tuesday. But again if that’s what happens and you agree, why would it end up in court? They won’t grant something that he doesn’t want so if he says no to weekends, the court won’t force him to have them

A child arrangement order would mean that you had to make them available. Sadly he doesn’t have to show up…

You don’t have to agree to something you don’t think is in your child’s best interest.

It depends.

If you have an informal agreement for Monday and Tuesday, and it works, and the routine has become embedded, then yes a judge would probably continue it if it got to court (although if it was working well then you wouldn't need a CAO anyway).

However, if you had that agreement and he didn't turn up nine times out of ten and the school reported that the children were coming in on Tuesdays upset that they hadn't seen their dad, then the judge probably wouldn't.

If he has form for being unreliable, then make the arrangement that he collects them from school Monday afternoon and drops them at school Wednesday morning, because if he's collecting them from you then it makes it easier for him not to bother whereas if he's collecting from school then there will be an annoyed head teacher and explaining to do if he's late or has to be phoned.

You could start with him collecting Monday and returning Tuesday morning so just one overnight to start with, and if it works, build up to two overnights. Make sure the school know the arrangements. And do NOT step in to rescue him - it's then up to him to turn up or alternatively book them into after school club etc.

That’s good in theory. But if he doesn’t turn up and school can’t contact him, they will also contact mum as both parents are still responsible regardless of their agreed arrangements. And who would not go and pick their child up on the hope that the other ‘unreliable’ parent would turn up eventually.
OP you know him best but it sounds like he’s doing this begrudgingly after months of avoiding contact? That doesn’t sound like a father who’s committed. And definitely not a father who is going to pay to take you to court. Maybe arrange childcare as a back up the first week and see if he turns up to collect them. If he doesn’t then you know that arrangement isn’t going to work.