Am I losing my mind or is there another explanation?

[ChristOnASegway]

Sorry to be that person that is so desperate that they post in random forums but I am worried there is something wrong with me and my doctor is part time, so appointments take ages to come round, plus I’m worried that I cannot properly explain what is going on for me. I’m not even sure I can explain it to myself.

I’ll try and illustrate it by talking you through the last 48 hours. Unfortunately Saturday started with a dog I was looking after being a little bit loud and unruly at the local park which meant some women who are kind of a clique there, acted offended. This really pissed me off. She’s a puppy so I think she should be given grace. Then, I had to arrange handover of the puppy with a family and had to chase them as they hadn’t got in touch to organise pick up. Then I tried to speak to my best friend and it spiralled into world war three over what was probably a fairly minor misunderstanding. Then I went to a meeting, while still in this argument with the friend. Then I went to work which is in a really busy environment. Still arguing. The next day I had to return to work again and work all day. Today the argument has carried on and I can see that it’s really taking too much out of me as I’m completely exhausted. I also found that on Saturday night I couldn’t think of basic words. I also made quite a few mistakes in my job. Today I have no motivation and no energy. I’m starting to worry I will never feel normal again. I am mid forties. I feel like my brain has stopped working. It almost hurts to use it. Tried reading a book this morning and couldn’t focus at all.

I am currently on hrt not because I hit menopause but because we thought we’d try it to improve my adhd. I take magnesium and L theanine although both have run out. I unfortunately had to go through withdrawal from lamictal… a mood stabiliser I should’ve never been on. This has affected me a lot. I also have a family history of dementia.

I’m not actually sure where to turn but I'm worried about my brain. Does anyone have any thoughts or have you experienced something similar?

I don’t think anyone can tell from your description, to be honest. My instinctive reaction is that you had a bad couple of days and are feeling a bit over-tired. But i don’t have your history or context or details. You probably do need to wait to see your doctor.

But, to be explicitly clear in the hope of reassuring you - I don’t (as a lay person) see anything automatically alarming here.

Stress

see your gp

guesses from randoms may make u more stressed !

When my anxiety has been bad I've had those symptoms. Started off being argumentative but then it dragged on. Then got so worked up I'd forget simple things at work and how to spell certain words. Then I'd overthink things and think I was losing the plot which made things even worse. Also had dizziness and feelings of not being present in the world if that makes sense!

Yeah I don’t think I’m explaining it right. I struggle a lot with dissociation so trying to explain my experience is hard.

Sounds like you are having a prolonged panic attack.

Dissociation that's what I had when my anxiety bad. Couldn't remember the word!

It’s like constant ringing in ears, confusion, and it’s very very hard to concentrate. Also not sure how rational I’m being half the time.

Yes forgot about the ears ringing. I'd also have pounding in my ears and could hear blood rushing. Couldn't concentrate on anything. Was the worse anxiety I've ever had. Started on meds and felt much better. Do you think it's since you stopped the mood stabiliser? Could it be stress or anxiety?

You sound very overloaded and like you could do with a nice rest, a cup of tea , some nice food, take it easy and get a good nights sleep. Too much going on, in need of space, rest and relaxation, and give yourself tender loving care. If you can treat yourself gently, one step at a time, and get a good nights sleep, then see how you’re doing tomorrow. Make sure you eat and sleep! 💕

My sister 46 hs ADHD and peri menopause has been really difficult for her.
Is there a menopause expert in your area that specialises in neurodivergent menopausal women? I hope you find some help soon OP, you are not imagining this your body is not working properly for you.

Do hope you feeling a bit better today, op. 💕

Do you know I am and it’s quite crazy how much damage multi tasking in a stressful relentless environment and arguing can do to the brain. Really thought I was losing the plot. Will try and remember that I’m ok next morning as this is my current lifestyle for now. Have restocked magnesium.. and will ring doctors when I can face it to book in to the menopause clinic. Thank you for all the constructive and compassionate comments. X

Lovely to hear! Well done! Stress is awful, isn’t it. We have to take good care of ourselves and avoid it!
have a nice gentle rest of the week👍🏻🌹

Give yourself some grace. You're on HRT, that messes with your brain, and you have ADHD, which describes poor executive functioning.

Poor executive functioning can include the inability to switch between tasks, and when you're in a heated discussion or argument, your brain prioritises that. Everything else goes into auto-pilot mode except when you've got ADHD, it's like an auto-pilot malfunction. Everything becomes extremely hard.

It's normal, even if this doesn't happen to you all that often. It's just a system overload in the brain.

ADHD needs dopamine to thrive, and when you're stressed, you're pumped full of cortisol. It's really hard to process both cortisol and dopamine at the same time, chuck in a load of other hormones from HRT and there you go, a recipe for endocrine a-typical moments.

I know it's hard to think this way, because it can feel quite selfish, but before you offer to do something for someone next time, take pause and ask yourself: what do I get out of this?

Because if it's another system overload, where you are then cognitively impaired, can't string a sentence together, make mistakes at work, causes you more stress than it's worth, then that is valid grounds to say no.

Wow thank you. This is all so useful. And that, is why I’ve ’asked Randoms on the internet’ 🙄 we don’t all have families. And we all know the limitations of surgeries. There’s some really useful stuff in here so thank you all :)

I find my brain does much better if I regularly get high doses of Vit D - it may be a placebo effect