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Original poster

DD1's carer has reported 'she feels unappreciated' What should I do??

25 replies

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:10

We had a review this week with the shared care team, and the carer has reported that she feels unappreciated. I am not sure when this was said as it wasn't said in the meeting. I don't know why she would say this as I always stay and chat to her when dropping off and picking up Dd1. I admit that when I pick up Dd1 I like to rush off because I want to get home and I feel that the carer should have some time by herself. I want to phone her but worried about how things will go....

OP posts:

SlightlyMadSweet · 31/05/2008 10:12

The carer feels underappreciated or DD1?

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:15

The carer. I shouldn't have to praise her every week should I? I am understanding if she needs a weekend off. I brought her a xmas present. I didn't hire her, the shared care team did, so should I be more grateful.

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Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:16

I sometimes am a moody bitch, especially if I have been up in the night with Callum. But I always chat to her, ask how DD1 was etc.

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motherinferior · 31/05/2008 10:17

I slightly feel you have enough on your plate to contend with. Shouldn't her employers be making her feel appreciated?

SlightlyMadSweet · 31/05/2008 10:17

Ooo difficult one.

I thought you meant your DD1 - which IO think is an issue you would have to address more IYSWIM.

Diffuclt - if you go and buy her flowers now - it will be obvious you have done it beacuse of this comment....so will mean nothing IYSWIM.

Hope someone else can be more constructive

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:21

I do all the running about too. I drop off and pick up Dd1 as the carer doesn't drive. I am doing a 20 miles round trip a day, getting Dd1 there and back home again. I have 4 children, 2 with disablities, 1 who had a big op. 2 weeks ago. I can't be expected to big up the carer every week too, can I?

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motherinferior · 31/05/2008 10:25

No, really you can't. She's being unreasonable.

SNoraWotzThat · 31/05/2008 10:28

I agree with motherinferior
It's a broad statement from your DD's carer. What was the point of the review? To make you feel bad? I can't see it beneficial to come back to you at all, unless her employers have told you they are addressing her feelings directly and are in a position to give some useful advice to the both of you. They should know why she has said this and explain to you they are addressing it.

Please don't worry yourself. What silly red tape stuff is this?r?

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:30

Thanks, Dh said that she is an employee and can't be expected to be praised all the time. I am polite to her, ask what Dd1 has done with her, dropped her off to town if her and Dd1 are going there after I have dropped off Dd1, even dropped her and her son off to parties etc if they are going out afterwards.. I have to get up early on a sat. to drop off Dd1, even if I have been up half the night with Callum. I can't be anymore nicer to her..

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SNoraWotzThat · 31/05/2008 10:32

I would ask shared care team, if it is a shared response form all of them, or just one needy person.

The more I think of it the more annoyed I'm getting for you.
I do have PMT though!

SNoraWotzThat · 31/05/2008 10:34

Your Dh makes a huge amount sense to me. Listen to him more often.

charliecat · 31/05/2008 10:37

This is her job isnt it?
Ask the shared care team what exactly they expect you to do about it?

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:39

oh and when she was having 'family issues' and we had no care for 9 months!!! I was understanding!

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madamez · 31/05/2008 10:39

IOt's her boss' problem not yours. Either they are 'not appreciating her' by giving her a hard time or underpaying her (neither of which can YOU be expected to address) or she is a whining buckethead who needs a swift kick in the fanjo - which again is her employers' problem, not yours.
Put it out of your mind and enjoy your weekend.

wheresthehamster · 31/05/2008 10:40

Feeling valued makes a huge difference to your approach though. Low pay coupled with a responsible job sometimes you have to tell it like it is!

Maybe her comment wasn't towards you but to her employers? If they asked her how she felt about the job she is entitled to tell them honestly how she feels. Whether she was aware it would get back to you is another matter.

Is this a 7 day a week job? Sorry I don't know the background.

ScoobyDoo · 31/05/2008 10:40

So is she actually employed by someone & they set it up for you?

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 10:44

she is employed by Social services, who then gave her to us IYSWIM. SS pay her.

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Uriel · 31/05/2008 10:45

Blimey. Always thought when you worked, your pay was your appreciation.

SNoraWotzThat · 31/05/2008 10:47

madamez put it so well -
"or she is a whining buckethead who needs a swift kick in the fanjo"
lol- I was also thinking that but couldn't find the right words.

ScoobyDoo · 31/05/2008 10:51

I suppose it is a bit like what we do, i work for a company As a health care assistant, we do caring, respite, sit ins all sorts, in fact we have a girl who is 20 & has care but we go & do the care at her house.

I do not feel unappriciated by any of the families, surly her problem must be feeling unappirciated by her employers?

I go to do my job any qualms i have i mostly have with who employ me, ok it is not nice to be spoken to like crap, like some people do but if i feel uneasy i say i will not go back there to my employers.

Personally i can not see what more she wants from you? you have enough on your plate, i can see what you are ment to be doing to show her you appriciate her? ok sometimes families say to use we do a wonderful job etc but thats about it, i don't even expect anything either!

Just get on how you are, her issues must be to do with her employers if not then i am not sure.

ScoobyDoo · 31/05/2008 10:53

can't see what your ment to be doing, that should read!

Miaou · 31/05/2008 11:01

Saying she feels unappreciated is far too vague for you to even know how to respond, SGK. I think you need to ask for further clarification on that one - is it a problem she has with you? What exactly does she expect? Are her expectations reasonable?

I would go back to the person who told you about the comment in the first place and ask these questions, rather than ask the carer directly. (she may not have expected her comment to be passed on to you).

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 11:41

I get the feeling that her comment are said in confidence(sp?) and the SW shouldn't have put it in the report. The SW put things in the report that I think shouldn;t be there. Like how Callum appears to be thriving, and about Ds1's operation.

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madamez · 31/05/2008 12:05

Of course ,the SW could be a shit-stirrer and the carer meant her comments for her employers and would be horrified that they had been passed on to you.
Take it back to the SW, ask exactly what was said and what (if anything) you are expected to do. Or, if you feel that the SW has been overstepping the mark, is there anyone else you could talk to? Because it;s possible that this whole thing is down to the SW being officious.

Original poster

SparklyGothKat · 31/05/2008 12:15

I will phone the SW on wednesday (am at GOSH with Ds1 mon and tues) I am not sure if the comment was directed at me or social services tbh!

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