Son leaving home for military training

[KathLeanne]

I am feeling very low this weekend/ BH. I’m proud of my son - for his enthusiasm and determination. He has started his military training this weekend - something he has been very excited to do. I am pleased for him - for the experiences he will achieve etc. However, I’m just missing him very much; unfortunately, I’ve come to realise how much I depended on his companionship. I am a widow (my husband died over 3 and a half years ago). I just have such a heavy feeling in my heart and keep feeling tearful. Fortunately, I have a full time job - and I will try and join a book club etc. I feel guilty that I’m being selfish but with my son going - it feels like another bereavement and I’m worried I will suffer from depression. Thank you for reading - I just had to vent my feelings, but if anyone could give useful advice - I would be grateful x

Im so sorry to hear your dh died. Of course you’re bound to be affected even more than most by having an empty nest.

I think you can let yourself feel sad but the way out of it is to set yourself some goals and things to look forward to: you could decide to train hike up a mountain with a walking group in a year’s time, or write a book and self-publish on kindle. My mum in a similar position got a job at a local school and threw herself into volunteering - she also joined an art class and learned to paint, a lifelong ambition of hers. My neighbour has thrown herself into music and gardening - whenever the windows are open I hear her singing!

My MIL (whose dh is alive but worked away at least 3 days a week) decided to redecorate her home and turned a bedroom into a guest room - then she let it out in one of those schemes where you let a foreign student lodge with you (eg somewhere to come back to from boarding school at weekends or the holidays).

Would you even consider fostering? There are all sorts of fostering - you could even foster a young struggling mum with a baby.

Right now of course you are thinking about the past and the wonderful times behind you. But there is a path ahead too - in which you can still have love, found family, a sense of purpose and contentment. Imagine how proud your son will be when he sees you stepping forward confidently into an unknown future. You’ll be an inspiration. Best of luck x

I think the fact that you recognise what's going on in your mind means you'll be fine OP 💐

Having kids and raising them well and setting them off into the world is one big bitter sweet adventure.

You've done well, he's doing well, it's all good and as it should be 😊

Youll hear from him and see him soon. Pay yourself on the back and throw yourself into your work and chosen hobbies 👍

Pat, even 🤪

Good luck, OP. My kids are much younger, but parenting is tough! You think it'll be easier when they grow up, but I doubt it is 💓

My son has been on the RAF for 7 years. For the first year I would go into his room and feel really sad. Cried once or twice. I felt like he would never come home to live again. And I was right as he has bought a lovely property with his now wife 5hrs away. I reconcile that he is great at his job and I am so proud of him.
I miss him terribly but know he is doing something he loves.
It will pass x