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Original poster

My children have never stayed over at my mums house

49 replies

Limara · 30/05/2008 12:46

Sounds a bit sour of me, but my kids have never stayed overnight at my mums house. DC's are nearly 11 and 7 and sometimes it annoys me when I hear of my friends kids staying at their grandparents houses.

There is no logistical reason like distance or anything else why they are never invited to stay over. We live in the same town.

My mum is in reasonable health and her partner too although her and her partner did have their differences with each other in the past, they have mellowed now.

The spare bedroom in her house is full of her partners junk and this would make it difficult for them to stay. This in itself annoys me, why not clear it out?

They never bother with my kids. Every school holiday my mum rings me and offers to take the kids to the cinema and either I have to go too, ie pick her up and actually go in with her or she doesn't take them at all.

The other week, I asked her to babysit at my house and she said yes. On the day, I rang her to reminded her and she said that her neices' child who's 13, was coming to her house to sleep over as her neice/my cousin was stuck for a sitter! I was cross and told her (quite jeuvenile of me I know) but that's how I feel sometimes...

Anyway, my cousin cancelled as she didn't go out in the end and my mum came up to babysit.

I know she loves me and the dc's.

I don't make demands on my mum, never have done and before anyone says it, I know they are my kids I have to look after them and yes she has done her job of bringing up her own children.

What are your thoughts, anyone else in the same situation?

OP posts:

jasper · 30/05/2008 17:04

never occured to me to have my mum or mil take them overnight ...but what a great idea!

shhhh · 30/05/2008 17:11

Lima, you asked for views and thats what you have been given. Thing with mumsnet is its peoples opinions and you won't always get people who agree with you.....

Im of the same opinion of expat and tbh she wasn't nasty to you in anyway. Just voiced her opinion.

PaleGrey · 30/05/2008 17:17

I sympathise Limara.
Looking at these threads always makes for interesting reading. I come from a culture where the extended family is the norm, and where people's relationships and expectations from family members are quite different. Were this thread to be posted in my country of origin, you would have thousands of replies saying how selfish your mother is and what an uncaring mother/grandmother she is.

We are all so different

jasper · 30/05/2008 17:20

I think it is a huge mistake to assume ANYONE including your parents are going to be in the slightest but enamoured with your kids!

PaleGrey · 30/05/2008 17:23

But why wouldn't you expect your parents to be enamoured by your kids?

I fully expect to be enamoured by my grandchildren.

pointydog · 30/05/2008 17:27

It's understandable that you expect grandparents to help out a little. It's bloody marvellous when they do and I think it's one of the things that Makes Life Good. Collective caring.

However, all gps are different. You need to be objective and accept that your mum just doesn't want to do it. It's a shame but it's not uncommon and there's no point letting it get you down.

Original poster

Limara · 30/05/2008 18:14

expatinscotland, Im used to seeing different points of views on m.n and you telling me
this forum is for people to express their opinions, (Grandmother & eggs spring to mind)
whether you like them or not is true but its people like you who spoil it with the delivery of your op.

'This is not here to tell you what you want to hear' -didn't you read the other op's some of them didn't agree either and managed to articulate their op's in a more digestible fashion.

'And personally, I think it's rather spoiled to assume that GPs owe you overnight babysitting coverage'- oh behave.

OP posts:

gagarin · 30/05/2008 18:21

How about a compromise - dcs should stay at their grandparents' house as often as their grandparents stay at your house?!

Original poster

Limara · 30/05/2008 18:25

ha ha, thing is I'd quite like that!

OP posts:

gagarin · 30/05/2008 18:28

Invite them then - they'll be shocked by your generosity..

Original poster

Limara · 30/05/2008 18:29

PaleGrey, I'm with you re the family thing. I come from a big Irish family and we were encouraged to spend a great deal of our time with 'the family'. I grew up, went to school with all of my cousins and we lived at each others houses but the bond has deterioted. Just a bit sad really.

OP posts:

Original poster

Limara · 30/05/2008 18:31

I have invited them, there here reading this

OP posts:

Original poster

Limara · 30/05/2008 18:32

Hey, iv'e given them my bed to sleep in and they have access to my bank account and we have signed over half the house

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 30/05/2008 18:34

If you do not care for the tone of my OP, I'm afraid that isn't my lookout.

expatinscotland · 30/05/2008 18:34

You asked, and I stated my opinion.

You said, 'sounds a bit sour of me'.

Well, I agree.

BumperliciousNeedsToSleep · 30/05/2008 18:40

I can understand how you feel, it's the done grandparents thing isn't it (I don't know, never really had proper grandparents)?

My mum can't wait for me to stop bfing so she can kidnap have dd over to stay.

She lives 2.5 hours away though, so no regular help, though she is staying over night tomorrow to look after DD while DH and I go to a wedding.

DarthVader · 30/05/2008 18:49

My parents have my dd to sleepover most Friday nights. They dote on her and the arrangement is as much for them as they love seeing her as it is for her - she loves going to their's. I get Fridays child free, sometimes this is fab, sometimes I would rather have my dd with me! This is my model of how I think grandparents should be! Doting, basically.

I am a bit weirded out by dp's parents who are retired, in good health, comfortably off with a big house, live less than 5 miles away (much closer than my parents) and no other grandchildren but his father has the attitidue that my polite and friendly 8 year old girl is a nuisance and implies we are always looking to palm her off on them. They have babysat less than once a year for us so this could not be further from the truth, I just find it an insulting attitude but fundamentally they have lost out on a great relationship they could have had with my dd. I also feel no obligation to help them in old age later on as they have not helped us.

So I really sympathise with the OP, I cannot imagine not wanting to spend time with my grandchildren should I ever be fortunate enough to have them!

Original poster

Limara · 30/05/2008 18:54

expratinscotland, you still here

OP posts:

jasper · 31/05/2008 00:26

If someone is thinks your kids are great and wants to spend lots of time with them, including overnight stays, that is great. A real bonus.
Double bonus if it is close family members!

But why should your mum UTOMATICAAL Y fee this way?

CHildren are just people.
We are drawn to some people and not others.
We like some people, other leave us indifferent, or we may actually dislike them. this is equally true for children.

Often we can't even put our finger on why we like/dislike a person ( adult or child)

There is no reason at all someone should really like a child just because they are its granparents.

or they might well really like the child but not particularly want to look after it overnight

1dilemma · 31/05/2008 00:46

My in laws think nothing of announcing they are moving in with us for months at a time
(and complaining recently in an e-mail that they felt a little crowded 6 of us in tiny 2 bed flat) yet have never seen my 20 month old.
They have babysat about 3 times in 6 years.

jasper · 31/05/2008 01:00

1dilemma if you are not up for this tell them to shove it! ( politely of course !)

1dilemma · 31/05/2008 01:07

1dilemma · 31/05/2008 01:09

Actually I've come up with a very exciting idea.....

I suggested to dh tonight that he might like to go away with his parents for a few days with the dcs and I would stay at home.

Only because we wont all fit in the car of course

It wont happen but boy will I enjoy thinking about it for the next few weeks

jasper · 31/05/2008 01:11

sounds like a good plan.

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