I want to make friends any advice?

[Mystical1981]

I'm 41 years old when I was at school (i know this was a long time ago) i had a group of 'friends' who I would hang around with but they would do things like when im walking along with them they would all run off without me realising and when I turned round they would all be gone. They found this funny and I did at first but the more they kept doing it the more it upset me especially as after they ran off they didnt even come back to me they would just all walk off to the next class. Or I would arrange to meet them to walk to school with them and I would get there and they would be hiding from me or would of walked or run off. It made me abit lonely at school. Moving on I was in a job for 12 years I made a few friends one was what I classed as a best friend but one day I pulled a sickey and I messaged my friend telling her I was doing this. The day after I went into work and got called into the office and told by my manager that my best friend has shown her the message! I was devastated if never spoke to her again and I quit the job a few months later. The other friends I had made there i never kept in contact with. I made a friend through my boyfriend and i thought she liked me until i overheard her saying she thought i was up my own arse which shocked me because im not like that at all so i cut her off. My new job i am working on my own so im not around people but I feel really lonely. I do have a boyfriend who I do alot with but when I hear my mum who goes on holiday every year with a few friends and goes to see shows I want that. I want a friend to go shopping with or go out for a meal a drink or to see a show. The problem is im very guarded now. Firstly I always think people won't like me secondly I'm worried i will like that person and then will stab me in the back. When my children were at school I used to stand on my own in the playground and would never talk to anyone im scared of getting close to people then finding out they dont like me.
I dont know how to change this or even how to start to make friends. I go to the gym thats the only place I go.

I really feel this, and following to see if any socially successful people share their secrets!

Did you move around the country much, OP? I did, and wonder if for me this is part of the problem. My mum also has an enviable circle of friends and acquaintances, but she's lived in the same place for ever.

My work is quite solitary, but having had to move 18 months ago I'm trying a few sociable things locally. It's all hard work, but some people seem to make it look so easy 😕

Unfortunately there is no other ‘fix’ than being open and talking to other people and listening to them in return. You have to go out and meet people too, if that’s not via the workplace, then it’s very going to activities, groups, clubs on a regular basis and having conversations with them and seeing where it goes. No, not everyone will turn into the friend you meet for coffee or phone for a chat, but the law of averages mean that the more conversations you have with as wide a variety of people you can, then yes, some will turn into friends.

I will guarantee that no one will come to knock on your door and ask to be your friend first. You HAVE to go outside of your home/comfort zone and do things, with other people. A friendship starts with a conversation, which starts with the word “Hello”.

it is hard. It does take work. There will be upsets along the way. But it is worth it. There’s no secret trick.