Am I in the wrong for feeling like this?

[Anon1234512]

I’m 23 and a single mum to a 5 year old boy. We are no contact with his dad due to a long list of reasons, all the dads issues tbh and having to keep my little boy safe. My mum looks after him one afternoon a week while I’m at work but refuses to look after him any other time. I’m constantly missing out on getting to spend time with friends, nights out etc, while they all have kids who’s family look after them. I’m started to feel really frustrated and sad about the fact I know longer have a social life unless I want to bring my child with me. Don’t get me wrong I love my son and being in his company but sometimes I wish I could just have the night off to be in my twenties and having fun with my friends. Am I wrong for feeling like this? Should I bring it up to my mum? Or just leave the situation alone because after all it was my decision to have a child and not her responsibility to look after him

Can you pay a babysitter?

@Anon1234512

Just wondering why your Mum refuses?

How is your relationship in general?

why is it a surprise for you? You choose to have a child very Young - this is the consequence? Why do you Think other people should take Care of your child? I get that British people often dump their offspring on their parents, in other countries we pay a sitter or stay Home.

Sorry to sound harsh but you chose to have a child. And when making that decision must have realised it would impact what looks more usual a social life for someone your age.

Your mum is already helping out on a regular basis. I am afraid you will just need to pay a babysitter. It might be worth asking Mum if she would mind having him for a special occasion but a bit much to expect it frequently and for fun rather than work.

@Notenoughcoffe @Spirallingdownwards

Harsh!

I don't get the impression that @Anon1234512 wants to abrogate her responsibilities, she'd just like an occasional night out with her pals.

What's wrong with that?

Just because she had a child at 18, her family refuse to help?

But her mother do help - every week!

"My mum looks after him one afternoon a week"

Hardly demanding and excessive @Notenoughcoffe

Hold the front page

In Britain we often pay sitters or stay home too 🙄

One afternoon? That's hardly providing a lot of childcare is it. She does the equivalent of 2 days per month and can't have her gc the odd evening? I'm guessing Op probably doesn't have a great relationship with her mother.

But this op is not the first to complain that her parent Will not babysit. It surprise me every time. I know your daycare are expencive but it is hardly news.

I would have always said we have a great relationship, I see her almost everyday and we’re always in contact I’ll drive her where she needs to go as she doesn’t have a car etc. But when it comes to looking after my child for a night it’s just something she says no to doesn’t give a reason.

when he was newborn up to maybe a year old she would of looked after him for me the odd occasion I would of asked but it has stopped as he got older.

clearly your username is very fitting to your personality not enough coffee.

I literally said ‘I chose to have a child’ I’m well aware of the consequences. All I was asking was for some advice or if anyone had any similar experience. I do not think other people should take care of my child I’m literally with him every minute of every day, with the exception of when I’m at work.

also I’m not British but thanks for the assumption!

@Anon1234512

That's rather strange especially if your relationship is good and she is approachable.

Would you feel uncomfortable just saying to her that you've been invited out and you'd really like to go?

Have you asked recently?

When did I say I expect it frequently? If I was to have a night out with my friends it would be for a special occasion, I’m not expecting every weekend even before I had a child I wouldn’t have been out every weekend anyway.
Surely looking to have some sort of social life and feeling like I’m alone and missing out is normal no matter what age I am?
I also appreciate the fact that my mum helps out on a ‘regular basis’ (4 hours a week) which is why I have chosen not to bring this up to her before.

I think it’s more the fact that I appreciate she helps me out already by looking after him while I’m at work and don’t want to seem like I’m asking too much of her.

but maybe I should ask again and see what she says, after all the worst she can say is no which I’m used to her saying already lol!

appreciate the genuine replies and not assuming or jumping down my throat like some of the other replies I’ve had!

I often see posts on our local Facebook pages from teenagers offering babysitting services. Is this an option for you?

I’m not sure I would feel comfortable with letting someone else look after him - I trust my mum with my son and know he’s safe with her that’s why I’d prefer if it was her looking after him. But maybe this is something I should look into more, thanks for the advice!

@Anon1234512

Don't worry about a couple of the harsh replies lovely.

You're a young Mum, you are not being unreasonable to hope for an occasional night out, even if it's, god forbid, once a week 😉

I would, personally, have zero problem, helping a beloved daughter have some sort of social life.

My child has a grandmother who never in 16 years have had her over night. They Saw eachother every other sunday 5-6 hours when she was a baby and now when she is a teenager Maby once a month. I Think she had anxiety about the having a Young child at night, but I never asked. My mom had Them a lot - but on her terms. Both is fine.

You say your friends have kids too, are they with the father of their children, so have more babysitting options?

Well said OP.