Love my house, hate the area

[RounddaBend]

Myself and DH moved to a an area on the outskirts of NW London back in 2013. It was ahead of the birth of our first daughter and we were looking for an area with good affordability (it was our first home), good schools and good transport links into London and this area met all three criteria. My partner is from the area and both his parents still liv there, which we figured would be really helpful for childcare. We have subsequently had three further children and I can confirm having his parents nearby has been invaluable. .

We are in our third property in the area and are lucky to have a large detached house backing on to our park. We completed a loft and rear extension back in 2022 and it's safe to say our house is a really good fit for our large family. Our kids are in outstanding state schools and the area is safe for a London borough. We are also about 3 years away from paying off the mortgage on the house.

So here's the problem, despite the area being safe, having good schools and near family, I have always hated it. I find it incredibly drab, dull and uninspiring and there genuinely isn't a day goes by when I am not on right move looking at new areas of fantasizing about living somewhere else. I hate the suburban feel of the area which is so different to where I grew up in South London, the crappy looking streets, houses, shops, it genuinely get's me down a lot of the time. I have shared this with my partner and he thinks I am being snobby, he is happy in the area and sees it has many benefits, BUT if I am really unhappy he would be prepared to move somewhere else.

There is an area that is adjacent to the one we live which is very affluent, much nicer than where we are now, and would mean we can keep the kids in their current schools and still be close to my partners parents. A comparable size house in that area would mean taking us taking a significant mortgage, maybe 600-700k compared to the 42k mortgage debt we have today. It sounds mad to even consider it but I am really unhappy in the area and have been for sometime. My husband amd kids by contrast all seem fine where we are, obviosuly my husband grew up here and the kids don't know any different.

My question is, am I wrong to pursue a move? Would it be selfish of me to uproot my whole family to a new area, taking on additional debt, when it seems to be only me with the problem with where live?

YABU. It would me madness to take on that extra debt when there isn't anything wrong with your current property. Being mortgage free is great and would mean you could help your children at uni and save more for your retirement.

It does sound mad

have you managed to get your own circle of friends in the area

Pay off your mortgage in three years and take more holidays to get a regular break from what you dislike. Being mortgage free has to feel better than being in a more affluent area up the road, and taking on significant new debt.

Surely the mortgage is relative to your income which I assume is substantial considering you have moved 3 times, done big renovations & are nearly mortgage free.

It sounds mad to me. That’s a massive chunk of money and will impact all your lives for a long, long time. At the moment, surely you’d be able to take early retirement or help the kids out with uni / house purchases etc?

Can you tell has the area? We can then either give proper opinions / Google it to see how it looks?

I haven't. I am a more reserved person and have a struggled to make friends. Friends would definitely help

We both earn six figures

We like are current property, this is true.

My husband is obsessed with being morgsge free and it would be a big achievement as we are both in our late 30s. I obviously see the financial benefit but feel less excited as while I like the house I don't like the area its in

I’d work on trying to build yourself some kind of local network and start to look at plans for when the DC move out. Instead of the move you could perhaps look at moving to a smaller property in a different area when the last one has left?

If you’re happy with your house, that is really important. Realistically, how much time do you spend out and about in your area? What specifically don’t you like? Surely you can go for evenings out and day trips in other parts of London?

It sounds amazing to be able to afford 4 kids, a detached house that backs onto a park and nearly be mortgage free in your late 30s!

See, I’m kind of with you. It’s all about location for me and when I live in an area I don’t like, it does get me down. I also find the community incredibly important.

Do you need an equivalent house? Can you buy something smaller in the area you love?

But also, surely spending that more would mean you could sell it for so much more when your children move out and you don’t need such a big house?

Could you rent for a year in your preferred area?
Could you buy something smaller?

Area is so important as kids grow up and experience more freedom plus a 6-700k mortgage doesn’t seem too unreasonable on your salaries and I guess you could always sell up to pay it down if circumstances changed.

What percentage of equity would you hold in the new place?

I wonder if it runs deeper than the area @RounddaBend. Sometimes we can become hooked on thinking that a place/person etc. is the problem. When really there is something about ourselves that we need/want to change.

On paper your home and family seem happy, settled and in a good position for the future.

I know how you feel. After years of living in an area that I dislike, I feel pretty flat and alone - It’s just a constant malaise in the background for me. Yet, the rest of the family are settled and happy, so by suggesting a move, I become the selfish one, even though I’ve been unhappy for years for the sake of everyone else.
Sorry, don’t have an answer- just aware of the emotional toll it can have on you. Good luck - hope you find a great compromise and solution.

It does seem madness to move 4 other happy people and take on a huge mortgage just to have some more interesting surroundings. If the area is adjacent to the one you live in now, why not just visit it more often? The shops, cafes etc. If you move further away, will it isolate your kids from their friendship groups who are currently on the doorstep.

I do sympathise because I have area regret. We moved 4 years ago, I love our house but I wish we’d moved to a different nearby area. We did look there but none of the houses were right. Maybe if we had waited a bit longer we would have found one. We briefly looked at moving but couldn’t face the hassle or the cost. We’re going to stick it out and probably move it when the kids have left school.

@RounddaBend going to buck the trend and say you’re in a very privileged position that both of you earn six figure salary’s and still only in late 30s. What’s the point of having worked so hard and having all that available cash if you aren’t even happy in the area you live? My personal view is you only get one life and if you’re in the position to optimise your happiness within it without negatively impacting anyone then do it! Your husband and kids lives would continue as usual other than changed location. I know people keep saying it’s crazy to take on more debt but it’s debt that would enhance your life and you both are able to manage. It’s not like you’re mid 50s or some such with limited earning time left. Imagine being much older and having regretted not making the move when yiur options I imagine will actually be more limiting. I’m not saying yiu should or shouldn’t do it but I do think YANBU to consider doing it.

My personal experience is that I recently needed to move out of a DV environment and set up on my own. No money other than my own either. I could have stayed in the kind of area you describe, drab and urban and have git a good house relatively safe area and not needed a mortgage which as a single person would have been great. However, nearby is a lovely semi rural place that is affluent, picturesque with wildlife and canal walks nearby. To live there, which I would never have thought alone I ever could would require a 100k mortgage plus pretty much all my savings for the remainder (I was 48 then). I chose to do it as I saw this as my forever home. I have no friends and wfh a lot and the thought of waking up and stepping outside in a drab, noisy ugly (to me) urban area was just soul destroying. So I did all alone and took on the mortgage and much higher c tax that comes with it. Anyone who visits tells me what a lovely area this is and I can see their brains churning trying to figure how I did this lol. I’m so proud of myself, it boosted my confidence, people are happier and friendlier here which like said as a single female no friends is nice. And it’s so green here, nice vibe and I just really appreciate being able to step out amd know so many nice walks on my doorstep including a village green and yeah it is worth that 100k and most my life savings I dropped but I feel what I gained is priceless really. Slowly I’m building up my savings. I feel I’m content with a much more frugal lifestyle than previously because of how rich my surroundings are. So as said, my savings are slowly rebuilding, I’m trying for a promotion at work and my pension contributions are still on track for a decent enough return. So yeah managed to do it without particularly risking losing anything important in the process.

@BunnyRuddington Our last one is a toddler so we have some years before then. We have a gap between our first two and second two so a compromise would be wait till the second two start secondary school (the older ones would have left by then) and use that as an opportunity to move. That would be in 6-7 years

That wouldn't hurt. It doesn't come naturally to me but if we do stay in the area it will help. Thank you

I agree with this. You only get one life, you earn well, it’s not like you’re spending money you don’t have or won’t get back if you ever sell the more expensive house you’d potentially buy. Your children can stay in the schools they like.

Enjoy your life now!

But i’m not someone who obsesses over piling up money, I see it as a thing to help me live well.

Do you have good pensions and are your jobs/salaries secure?

Personally I wouldn’t take on that much extra mortgage but is there not a compromise of moving closer to the nicer area but to a property where the mortgage might be £300K? You are still fairly young g so it might be worth the leap but I’d do it sooner rather than later.

Teenagers are expensive and uni costs are also high as you need to top up the maintenance loan. Personally I’d be prioritising planning for pensions, uni costs first then stress testing what any increased mortgage and costs would be on one salary ‘just in case’. Unfortunately as you age, there is a higher likelihood of health issues arising or burn out etc which might mean you need to go part time or give up work. I guess you could always downsize if that situation were to arise but moving at these price brackets is very expensive and will be disruptive for teens.

@BunnyRuddington Last one is a toddler so will be waiting some time. We have a big gap to our last child so one option could be to wait until he starts secondary school and move as the others would have left by then.

Thank you. I'm very much aware this is a first world problem. We are in a good position either way

My Dad was in the property business and he would always say better to have the worst house in the best area then the best house and the worst area

Can’t you just get the bus to the nicer area and join clubs and things there?

I’ve lived in London my entire life and even my “local” friends live at least 20 mins away