Lonely, no friends, no partner

[Hjm1984]

Hi all,

Thought I'm come here to connect with other mums

I'm 41, been a single parent since Feb 2017 when I moved back to the UK with my 11 month old and 3 year old. My ex stayed in the US, his home country and he's stayed living there since. I moved back and initially had 6 months of support from family to help me re-establish and start again. The relationship with the family (mum and brother and mums family) was already more than fragile, we'd been distant after my parents split, I was 15 and went to live with my dad).

Suffice to say, it didn't really didn't go well with them at all and I ended up moving us 3 away from them to a new area and haven't been in touch since.

We've been getting by over the years, slowly building up. Working full time now since February and working towards getting us a little house in the UK now that the divorce has been finalised.

Trying to cut to the chase(!) but I have no friends really! I work from home which works well with the dog and kids, when we first moved here I made the effort slowly to connect with others but I know my repeated issue is is I share too much - this is my way of trying to connect but what then happens is people gossip and I find people who I thought were friends and engaging in talk behind my back.

I was badly bullied at school by a group of girls, I've also experienced the same thing at work in different jobs many times. This really hasnt helped as now I am nervous around groups of women and just feel I can't connect.

I'm finding working from home is keeping me safe but keeping me friendless and I know I'll not meet a partner like this either

I'm sorry you're feeling low, and for the previous bad experiences you had.
Is oversharing the issue, or not waiting until you're established enough in a friendship to expect people not to talk?
Maybe you could write down the things you'd otherwise share and put them in a drawer.

The 2 steps to friendship or acquaintamceship are meeting someone (in person preferably or online) then establishing and nurturing a connection. Shared interests help massively. If youve zero time try online interest groups. Some local action groups, environment or something. Once communal trust is established, I often find these days that friendships start in a whats app group. Once a pretext is established maybe a private message relating to a practical matter. Which can lead to a connection. Obviously avoid criticising anyone else in the group. People love sincere compliments too, that can help. Best of luck

Thanks so much for replying. I think you're right, trust isn't yet established but my desire to connect and be authentic are strong hence me wanting to share where I am. Also, I think being a single mum carrying soo much alone is a big 'issue' for me and I think I feel embarrassed/ashamed/inferior to other married mum's because of it. I am rather anxious now in groups, feeling unable to be myself so keep my distance

What kind of area are you in, OP? Would a single parents group appeal? It would be a chance to meet people in the same life situation as you. Some might know one local to you if you share a rough area x

I'm in Gloucestershire but trying to prepare us to move up to Morpeth, Northumberland into an affordable house of our own. I'm renting here, I can't get onto the property ladder at all

How exciting! This group might be of interest, they do a wide range of events each month with the aim to make friends + meet new people.NORTHERN LASSES | Meetup. Because their events are structured (eg: the book group), you might find it easier to make connections with people over a neutral ground, and so you won't jump straight into the 'deep' stuff, until you get to know them better, but it will still allow you to be authentic.
Moving to a new place also makes it much easier to make new friends in a group like this- often people are eager to share good spots that they know, nice coffee shops etc

Aw thank you for this - it makes a lot of sense to have something external to focus on rather than personal things. Thank you, I'm going to take a look. Are you up north too?

I've moved all about but am currently down south 😊I do miss the North though, I lived in several different places and loved all of them