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Original poster

Stuck in house with 3yo ds2 in stinky hip spica case and dh in the US - not coping

34 replies

smoggie · 21/05/2008 11:04

Hi
Just wanted to vent really. DS2 fractured his femur 6 weeks ago - we (well mainly I )spent 3 weeks with him in hospital whilst he was on traction, then he had a hip spica cast put on which basically covers all of one leg, his pelvis and half of his other leg, so basically he can't bend in teh middle.
DH had to go to the US for a conference and couldn't get out of it, he went on Friday and will be away until this Friday.
I am totally knackered, my back is really starting to hurt from all the lifting, I'm being so short tempered with them, I'm shouting and snappy and just so pissed off with this smelly pot that we can't keep clean (even when I put a tena lady inside and a nappy over the top he wets inside the pot some nights).
Sorry, but I'm jsut feeling sorry for myself and sorry for them too as I'm just not being the mummy I want to be at the moment. I've just emailed the in-laws to see if they can come over tomorrow morning for a few hours whilst I just potter around the house doing chores/paperwork and just generally have a break from it. Fingers crossed they're not busy ( I can't leave the house as they're too old to lift him if he needs moving)
He gets the pot off next tuesday, so we're counting down the days. I feel so selfish because he has coped so well with it, but I'm just totally ground down by it.

Sorry - just needed to write it down to get it out of my system.

OP posts:
cluelessnchaos · 21/05/2008 11:07

oh poor you, you are allowed to be pissed off and have a moan, can you call the nurses at your surgery and say you are having trouble keeping him clean, they might have some ideas, help.

Original poster
smoggie · 21/05/2008 11:09

I've been so totally unimpressed by the nursing help from the hospital. When they fitted the cast the only things she said was "for gods sake don't get it wet!. I had to go online and search on a v useful charity website to get all the tips about the tena lady etc. The hospital have been hopeless I have to say.
Might be worth contacting the practice - maybe the district nurses might be more helpful
I read on teh website about getting an ostomy deoderant spray which I've now got an dit helps a bit.

OP posts:
cmotdibbler · 21/05/2008 11:11

It all sounds awful. Do you have any friends who might be able to have him for even an hour a day to let you get a rest ?

amidaiwish · 21/05/2008 11:40

haven't got any practical suggestions, i just wanted to offer some sympathy.

it sounds like a really hard time, and it's really hard on your own (my dh travels a lot, he has been away 2 weeks, back friday and i am counting the hours, yet i have no real difficulties to cope with like you do, just 2 DDs who are being a handful).

just a few more days...

poor you
don't beat yourself up about finding it hard, you will get through it. you just need some help.

Original poster
smoggie · 21/05/2008 11:48

THank you - it's just helpful sometimes to vent on here and have a bit of sympathy isn't it?
We're been trying to do things every day like baking, painting, etc. but after nearly 4 weeks I'm just running out of ideas and enthusiasm...which is one of the reasons for asking the in-laws to come. MIL is very creative and hands on so will love to sit and do crafty things with him.
I don't want to travel too far afield as the only car seat he can fit in is a 'prone harness' where he basically has to lie flat on the back seat and be strapped into a parachute type harness. As you can imagine by the time I've lifted him in and strapped him in and out of that 4 times for ds1's school run, I'm not keen on veturing out again - plus it's not the safest carseat option so I want to minimise journeys where at all possible.
I am taking him to a farm that's just 5 mins fro ds1s school tomorrow afternoon to meet a friend as I thought even laid flat in the buggy he can still see the larger animals.
It's awful for ds1 because from the moment I collect him from school al lI seem to do is count down the hours until bedtime and then I collapse on our bed. I really want to be enthusiastic with him tonight - play football with him etc., have proper quality time - might put a DVD on for ds2 and play football with ds1.

OP posts:
Original poster
smoggie · 21/05/2008 11:50

cmotdibbler - most of my friends work or have small babies/toddlers, also I just feel like I've called on people so much in the initial 3 weeks when we were stuck in teh hospital and dh was working. Daft I know but that's jsut how I am.

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 21/05/2008 12:54

could you get someone else to take ds1 to school? that sounds really hard work getting ds2 in and out of that contraption.

don't worry about asking for help - i am sure you would do the same if anyone you knew needed it.

RedNortherner · 21/05/2008 13:03

Hi

My DD had a hip spica on for 9 weeks when she was around 1 yr old (actually had a new one put on under GA on her 1st birthday!)

They are horrible and smelly but we used to use tea tree oil on the nappy to cut down the smell (obviously not where it was in contact with the skin) It was really hard not being able to bath her as it was June / July time.

It is hard work and lifting them is not easy - it was hard enought with my 1yr old and I assume your DS is older.

We managed to get a desk thing with bench attached that we could prop her up on against the wall with cushions etc which meant she could sit and scribble / play and enteratin herself. This might not work for you as it depends on the angle of the splint.

Sorry if that's not much use but wanted to reply as we have been in a similar situation and to let you know that it is hard and not to beat yourself up.

A final point - not to stress you out but as a warning. Our DD had 2 spicas fitted (as I said above the first was replaced under GA) as she was obviously growing over the period she had it but the second one wasn't taken off under GA. They took it off using the cutter thing that is used to take pots off adults. She was fully awake and it was not a nice experience. Would make sure you have someone with you when the cast is removed.

hope it goes well

Original poster
smoggie · 21/05/2008 13:07

amidaiwish - I've just emailed a friend and asked her to take ds1 into school tomorrow. THanks for nudging me into asking!!

I tried to over-compensate when we got out of hospital by taking him every morning as he had so many different people doing it whilst I was in the hospital with ds2. But, I think I have to stop trying to do everything and ask for a bit of help.
inlaws have just phoned and said they can come over for a few hours tomorrow morning so that will be good...then dh will be home Friday evening. I think he's prepared to have the lifting and general childcare baton handed over for at least Sat/Sun so I can re-charge.

OP posts:
Original poster
smoggie · 21/05/2008 13:12

Rednortherner - thanks for the tip - nice to hear from poeople who've had the same problems with the stinky pot!!.
ds2 is 3.2- they've said that he will just get the pot off in the plaster room (he had it fitted under GA too), and I have to admit to being a bit scared as I know the cutter thing will just freak him out. Dh is off next week, so we'll arrange for ds1 to be looked after so that dh can be there with me I think after what you've said.
We managed to get a reclining chair from soc services OT (only after a 3 week long battle!!), but it's been a godsend - he can eat at the table and tilt forwards to do craft activities etc.
I think in terms of the pot I might have to put another tena lady inside the back of it to soak up any poteneial leaks. I bought some really smelly baby moisturier cream yesterday to try to mask the pee smell.

OP posts:
RedNortherner · 21/05/2008 13:20

Hope I didn't worry you about the removal it just wasn't something we were prepared for as we thought it would be removed under GA.

When they started to remove it they said to let them know if we wanted them to stop but we said just do it and get it over with as we didn't want to be stopping and starting. Whole removal probably only took about 5 mins but it felt like longer.

It's a shame you didn't get more help from the hospital. We had a lovely ward sister who had an album of photos and tips etc from others who had been through it. In fact she still uses some of our DD photos now 2 years later!

Enjoy your rest at the weekend.

Original poster
smoggie · 21/05/2008 13:45

Is your dd OK now?
Don't worry - wasn't too alarmed, but I think it would be helpful to have dh there to help to hold (down) if necessary.

OP posts:
RedNortherner · 22/05/2008 09:14

Yes she is fine now - we have a check up next month at the hospital but it's 2 years since she cam out of the cast and doesn't seem to have any ill effects (although she was frightened ofr load noises and doctors for a while!)

RedNortherner · 28/05/2008 15:01

Smoggie - Has the cast come off? How did it go?

Pinkjenny · 28/05/2008 15:06

RedN - why did your dd wear a hip spica?

RedNortherner · 29/05/2008 13:22

She had developmental dysplasia (SP?) of the hip. It was picked up at her 8 month check (by a fab HV) and she was put in the spica at 10 months.

Pinkjenny · 29/05/2008 13:58

Hi red - dd had this as well, but it was picked up the day after she was born. She went into a pavlik harness for 13 weeks which was removed at 15 weeks old. She has a check up on 28th July and I am terrified her hips will have regressed and she'll need the spica.

Milliways · 29/05/2008 14:03

Sympathies! I had to wear a full hip spica (armpits to full length on both legs) when I was 7, and my mum had to get the neighbours in to help turn me over (for loo purposes). It was embarrasing for me but such hard work for my mum!

Can your neigbours help?

My bed had to be moved into lounge as no way anyone could lift me upstairs (and my legs were set too wide to fit between bannisters anyway). I had a trolly to scoot around on & only just fit through the doors!

Pinkjenny · 29/05/2008 14:04

Oh Milliways that's awful!

OK, can feel my blood pressure rising!

Milliways · 29/05/2008 14:25

But mine was not for CDH, but for a progressive disorder which doesn't show until walking, and can often be treated with exercise/shoe inserts etc. (I was just unlucky). When I had to givce a medical history for a hip op in my 20's, the Registrar said full length spicas on older kids are almost considered barbaric these days!!

Main point is, I can walk. If left untreated I would have been wheelchair bound by age 10.

Pinkjenny · 29/05/2008 14:28

I know, I know, I think the hip thing will always be a source of anxiety for me, as it was such a bolt from the blue, the day after she was born.

And I realise that people go through some horrendous stuff, but I am just coming up to the 12 month check and am starting to feel anxious about it.

Am also convincing myself that she is limping, which no one else can see, of course!

Milliways · 29/05/2008 14:32

I'm sure you will be fine. If the worst happens, at least it has been spotted early so any treatment needed, whilst a total pain for you, will be forgotten by your DD by the time she is at nursery!

There is a forum/help web site called Steps here

Pinkjenny · 29/05/2008 14:37

They told us when the harness came off that there was a less than 1% chance of her needing any further treatment, but I guess until we get discharged, it'll always be in the back of my mind.

Thanks for the link, but I try to avoid Steps, it gives me too many scenarios to worry about!!

RedNortherner · 29/05/2008 15:10

I'm always worried about the hips as well. When DD problem was picked up the GP & consultant were very reassuring that she had only a few risk factors and that it was unlikely to be a problem then they x-rayed her and BAM she had to be in this cast etc etc etc.

They said she would need to be in the cast for 4 months but in the end she did 3 months in cast and then a further 3 months in foam splint that was removable and for the last 2 months of that she only wore this on a night.

One big reassurance for us was last Sept when we bumped into the ward sister at school who had treated DD but who hadn't seen her since she came out of her cast and she was impressed at how well she was running etc.

I keep seeing imagining her limping and when she crawls around on the floor I'm convinced she is holding her hip at an odd angle.

I think my best "overreaction" though was when we were potty training and I convinced myself she couldn't sense when she needed a wee as the surgeon had damaged her nerves etc. All he did was cut the tendon to let him get her hip in the right position!

I'm not sure the worry will go and I get stressed every time we have a check up but we got through it last time and if it went wrong again at least it would be picked up quickly.

Pinkjenny · 29/05/2008 15:16

RedN - honestly, you could be me! I was told the day after she was born by the paediatrician who DX her that he wasn't sure if she would ever be able to walk! Not sure what he'd make of her now!

The HV always says to me 'Of all the children in the North West, hers are the hips I am least concerned about '. I convinced myself dd was limping last night, dh and mum thought I had lost my mind. She's not walking independently yet, just pushing her walker, but I have driven everyone mad with, 'do you think she's limping' and 'is she dragging one leg' and 'do you think she puts weight on one leg more than the other'.

I somehow can't rationalise the 1% thing that I was told by Alder Hey. Dh takes a completely different approach, in that he thinks of us as lucky as it was picked up and treated so early.