my life is shit

[profsturg]

nothing is going well for me and i feel crap. The other day i found the phone bill. my H had been phoning sex lines and i left. which brings me to my next thing. my family are shit. the only want me around if they want something. i went to stay there when i left and i stayed 1 day and couldnt handle it so i went back home. then today my sis phoned to see if i wanted to go for lunch and it was basically cos she didnt have a key to get into the house and wanted something to do till every1 got home. she also needed a lift home. when i took her home my step dad was in a foul mood and kicked her out (this was my fault somehow). i went to see my mate and she came to the door and i said she could stay at my house but she said she was told she couldnt for "obvious reasons". ive never felt part of the family and she has gone to stay with my other sister (she can do no wrong). im the failure in the family. if it wasnt for my daughter i probably wouldnt stick around id just go and not come back but its not fair on her.

dont expect any posts just needed to write it down. to be honest i dont expect anything anymore ive had enough

ive just had a really shit few days. Going away to feel sorry for myself

It's hard to know where to start - do you just want to chat or do you need some help with anything specifically?

god, that sounds crap!

i dont know if i want anything. ive given up on being happy its just not gonna happen for me. i just want people to stop taking the piss out of me and treating me like i really dont matter

Well they do say you have to respect yourself first, before you can expect anyone else to. Trite little response, I know but I do think it's true. Your self esteem must be at rock bottom. Maybe we could help you build it up?

Sorry to hear its all a bit shit for you right now - hope it all improves.

dont think ive ever had self esteem. thats the 1 thing ive promised i will never let happen to my DD.

profsturg bloody hell. You sound like a clever woman who's very kind.
I think Doodle2U is right, the first thing to do is to separate yourself from what's going on and to start to realize who and what you are, and how strong you can be.

not sure if any1 will remember but i was starshaker thought i would feel better cos all my posts seemed to be shit and wanted a fresh start on here. doesnt look like that will happen

Wow, you must have summat about you if you recognise what is so vital for your daughter and her well being. She's a lucky little girl. So often, parents mimick their own crappy upbringing, so the fact that you recognise what you don't want for her is fab - IYSWIM?

How about just focusing on the two of you for a while. Forget everyone else for a bitand just enjoy her, without all the wider family crap clogging up your mind?

i did something i never do tonight. i lay with her for about 3 hours while she went to sleep and thought i wish it was just us 2 and forget every1 else

Oh starshaker - that's lovely. I've been known to wander into the kids room and just stroke their cheeks when they're sleeping. It seems to remind me about what's important.

If your H has left, then it can be just the two of you for a bit. I know you must have loads to sort out but if you can just keep the idea of you and DD being strong together, it will help you to keep everything else in perspective.

How old is she?

i moved back cos i couldnt stay at my mums. this is his last chance although ive said that before. shes 3

oh hello starshaker i remember you
Bugger everyone else.
(im pissed and would love to post more but cant lol its took 5 mins to write that)

3 is a lovely age. When all else is collapsing around you just look at her and realise that its not all crap. Hope you are OK. I've been going through a difficult time too.

thought i would wake up today and feel better but if anything i feel worse

Why are you homeless? Where is your husband living? You need to live in that house!

Hi Prof - my DH has been caught doing phone lines, internet sex lines the lot and has costs us a lot of money - this has been going on over the 7 years we have been together, I have kicked him etc., I once (ashamedly) smacked the crap out of him because to keep doing it again and again meant he no respect for me and my feelings. I caught him again last Oct, he fuckin used my Visa card the twat!!! I had to make out it was fraudulent to the bank and got the £700 quid back!!!! It still hurts me, don't be a mug like me. I have even had to do parental control on sky coz he kept staying up late and watching booby channels, when it comes to sex he is incorrigible. I have kicked him out, but later found out, when I let him back home, he tried flicking through Sky but realised I had put pin number on any dodgy channels. In most other ways he is cool, and our DD is the most precious thing in the world, and I totally relate when you say about being just you two - I would love that. It will eat away at your relationship, it feels as though they have cheated again and again, and it is destructive to your relationship and family. Get out, start again, look after number one - you can do this on your own, just think of the better life ahead for you and DD. Hope it all works out xx

fazzy thank you for that. ive blocked the laptop he has no access to it at all and done perental controls on sky as well. i just dont know what i would do. where would i go and how do i spop being such a fucking doormat

Oh sweetie, I do feel for you, the only way to reinstate some self respect is to get out. Are there no relatives that could help? You could get emergency accommodation via social if you tell them the relationship has broken down beyond reconcile. I can't believe there is another twat out there just like mine!! Come on, pick yourself up, brush yourself down, hold your head high, HE is in the wrong, not you. Why can you not kick HIM out of your house, you have to look after DD, so you should have the roof over your head, he is in the wrong, tell him to fuck off!!!

I will check back in on you tomorrow AM. No net at home (obvious why!!). You Take care