Racist family members

[Isabellamt]

Does anyone have experience on how to deal with racist family members? I am mixed race and therefore so is my son. In my life I have experienced a few members of my own family, and now members of my husband’s family, voicing their racist and hateful views against non-white people. Their comments are never directed AT me or my son, but it still makes me extremely upset and angry.

Any advice on how to navigate this welcome, thank you.

You can face it head on and ask them to stop, you can ask your husband to speak to them or you can stop seeing them.

Yea, I wouldn't have those types in my life.

I have a bi-racial son myself.

I can imagine it must be really painful being mixed race but having racist white family members being racist- sorry you've been through that. The reality is that racist people, whether family or not, are evil. Racism is evil. Facing it head on it good but assertively and safely for yourself. I've suffered abuse at the hands of alot of racial abuse. You could call the cops on them if you wanted to, you have that over them.

I’m white - same as my family - but I’ve made a decision in the last year or so to cut myself off from certain relatives who are racist and bigoted . Their views seems to have worsened and become more extreme as they’ve got older and I just hate it. Last time I saw one of them it was like a one-sided daily mail-type rant which didn’t seem to take on board my complete disengagement from the interaction. I walked away thinking that would be the last time I willingly spent time with them and that side of my family. Life’s too short to worry about so-called family ties if they are so ugly and offensive.

What does your husband do about this?

Realistically you cannot change other people only your reaction to them

I find it pretty appalling that they would express racism in your presence and personally I would avoid them

I feel horrified on your behalf

I have heard about this as my granddaughter has faced similar issues and was looking for support: onlinevents.co.uk/event/kaleidoscope-mixed-and-multi-racial-heritage-in-therapy/

That's a good reaction and always nice to see someone rejecting racism from family, even though it can be hard to cut them off like that.

It’s hard in some ways - that side of my family were very supportive when I was young and my mum died, helping my dad etc. I’m not sure when these opinions started to be more openly expressed but I know my dad would not have tolerated it if it had been overt when I was younger (his side of the family). It’s almost like they’ve been radicalised and it’s certainly happened since he passed away, so in the last 10 years. But I can’t reconcile these views just because we’re related. My dad would be as horrified as I am. It’s utterly unacceptable.

I haven’t spoken to them about why I’ve stopped contact but regularly run it through my head if I were to bump into them.

As others have said, OP, would you get support elsewhere if you decide to drop contact? This is not ok at all and you don’t need to expose your ds to them or their horrible views.