Arrested for assault/domestic abuse

[AtsyMac]

I’m a 47 yo woman with two ds 5 & 14.
until Wednesday, I was living at the family home with my partner and 5yo. I have been arrested and bailed for common assault on my partner and my bail conditions are that I am to have no contact with my partner, cannot enter the home and all arrangements to see my ds are to be made via a third party. I am my son’s primary carer and my work is such that I can pick him up after school and care for him, take him to clubs etc. I haven’t physically seen him since Wednesday night but have had 3 FaceTime calls with him. I work as an administrator in a primary school and have recanted my notice in and accepted a new role at another school. I was intoxicated when the alleged assault took place and whilst I remember events leading up to it, I have no memory of the actual event. The bail is until Jun 23 which means that I am currently sofa surfing but need to find accommodation. The headteacher of the school I work for is aware of the position and is seeking HR guidance about if I’m allowed to work my notice, 2 weeks after Easter holidays. She’s advised me not to return the DBS request from the new school until she has had a response. I’ve never been arrested before and have no history although, I have suffered with poor mental health and alcohol abuse, not addiction. Does anyone have any experience or advice they can help me with?

It's a tough situation. This needs to be your wake up call that things must change. It sounds like you need to stop drinking, as well as reassess your relationship and parenting priorities.

In terms of practical solutions, I would suggest you find casual work that does not need a DBS for now.

You have been arrested, not charged. So for the time being you would need to declare recent DV on a DBS application, because you are under investigation. This means you're highly unlikely to be able to work in a role that needs a DBS. If ultimately charges are dropped without progressing, you can reassess the work situation then.

You being primary carer is now a childcare problem that the children's father needs to resolve. He's got to find a way to care for them full time without you.

The biggest issue here is how you reflect on what has happened, it's profound effects, and how you make changes to yourself so that you can emotionally grow from this.

Thank you for your message. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

Why don't / don't you stop drinking?

Oh @JaneBoulton if it was only that easy. The OP obviously had a lot going on and many issues. She’s messed up and knows it.
OP I hope you are ok. You may struggle with work in schools at the moment. What is the alleged incident? Do you have family where you can stay? Where is your 14 year old living?

Enter into a sobriety programme and offer testing to show sober living.

Enter into a DV programme for perpetrators.

Source a home and begin vsitis with you child. This may have to be supervised for a period.

What kind of advice are you looking for?

You obviously have a bad drinking problem if you're getting black out drunk and involved in physical altercations.

I would seek help. See your GP, find support and endeavour to stop drinking.

If you are self medicating then it's an idea to get therapy for whatever you're dealing with.

Be honest with yourself. If you have anger management problems then look to address that. If you're in a dysfunctional relationship then look into separation.

OP you have children and they're being brought up in a chaotic environment. Their mum has been arrested for drunken violence.

Try and consider the effect your behaviour has on others and sort yourself out.

Is your partner supporting a prosecution?

The OP states herself she does not have a drinking addiction?