In laws don’t bother with our son but use him for show.

[Mumof1xo]

So my fiancée is 1 of 4. 3 sisters, 1 younger 2 older. His eldest sister has kids and she’s brilliant has nothing but time for us and our 13 month old and loves him unconditionally, he adores her too. But his mum and other sisters don’t bother atall, they only live a 5 minute drive down the road and never even call/text to ask about him either. I feel a bit peed off at times that we are obligated to invite his other sisters and mum to things instead of members of his or my family like aunties & cousins etc who bother all the time. It just upsets me because our son has no idea who they are. MIL and other older SIL turned up to his 1st birthday brought him a bunch of stuff took pictures all day we had to make him smile for photos because he screamed bloody murder with them because ultimately to him they’re strangers & then they left. It seems like they turn up at special occasions/ social events ect treat him, take a lot of photos and then don’t bother again it comes across that they just want him for show. It breaks my heart! Does anyone else have any experience on this if so how did you deal with these situations? Did you leave it until your child becomes old enough to understand who bothers and who doesn’t and make their own mind up about them or did you step up and say something to them ? I just don’t want to cause a family feud. But this just keeps happening and I’m annoyed that they just use him to make themselves look good.

I don’t really understand the idea of ‘to make themselves look good’ so will park that.

What you are describing to me is simply a mismatch of expectations in terms of frequency of contact. Neither party is right or wrong. You want / expect / hope for more contact than them.

If you would like it to increase, I would suggest calling / messaging them more frequently and inviting them to your home for meals / a cuppa etc. try to deepen the relationship through increased contact.

Not sure why you are inviting them to things over people you actually want to invite?

Invite them, but don't chase them up

And advocate for your son .

Your child is only one! People are busy and have lives and time just passes so getting to one without seeing a child is sadly quite easy! Also they’d see it that ‘at least they made his birthday’ because some people see those things as the important thing. Try and get over your bitterness (I know it’s hard)

Just stop inviting them to things.

Why do you invite them over other people? Also they’re not your family so just let your partner deal with them & step back.

heres a little bit of a back story as I don’t think people are quite grasping the situation. MIL doesn’t work and his older sister still lives at home they are home all the time as I drive past their house daily because I live down the road So it’s not them being “too busy” because I know it’s a lie they all just sit around on their phones most the day. when our son was born they visited a few times until the novelty had worn off. My partner starting making an effort for us to go down to them until it he stopped because they didn’t out the effort in back. Im not going to force them to see my son more it’s their loss not his. But when they do see him it’s all for show it’s just so fake and I hate the way they make him smile for photos when he’s screaming because he doesn’t know them just so they can post them up later and not bother for another few months until another social event. We are obligated to invite them to things as they are my fiancées immediate family but it’s just seems like a total waste. When our son doesn’t even recognise them.

They don’t put the time in but wonder why they don’t get the same reaction from him as he gives everyone else. e.g laughing, grinning at them, approaching them to be picked up and all around just showing love. They force it out of him for photos and videos and make him unhappy in the process.